"Her"

Very deep and well thought out poem, my friend! Wonderful piece of poetry, you should be proud of yourself for your efforts!

I enjoyed reading it, it was imaginative, symbolic and almost emotional. You certainly have a talent for this type of writing, my friend! I commend you!

I would, however, make one suggestion. Besides ensuring that you have edited your work before publishing, I think you should consider separating some of the lines into separate verses, if you deem it necessary for your particular poems. Of course, that depends on the type of poem you are writing and what structure you feel the most comfortable with. But, separating certain lines may be an organised approach and it will be pleasant for other readers. Don't feel that you have to take my advice, my friend, they are your poems after all and whatever works for you and whatever style you wish to write them in is entirely your decision. But, I hope my advice has given something to think about.

I look forward to reading more of your works!

MissLyricz x

Ok, I like it! There are some mistakes I have noticed, however:

"piece by piece,here and there"

Make space after a comma, just like this sentence.

"You would have ripped her heart into two halves"

"Two halves" doesn't make sense, just simply write "in half".

"its shredded"

Should be "it's".

Also, put periods, without periods it will just simply look bad. And welcome to YWS!

Great poem! I love the imagery. However, you could make this even stronger. The great thing about poetry is that, unlike prose, it is not filtered first through the brain- it goes straight to the heart. It achieves this by being dense and compact- saying everything it needs in as few words as possible. I suggest you take advantage of this property of poetry and really cut your piece down to the bone (edit ruthlessly). Think of it as whittling down a branch. Getting stabbed with a branch would hurt and would certainly affect you, as your poem does now. However, getting stabbed with a branch that had been whittled down to a spear would hurt and affect you even more. By getting rid of excess, you whittle your poetry down to a sharp point that gets to the reader and leaves him with a lasting impression.

Another thing. There seems to be an undercurrent of anger throughout the poem. That was one of the things I liked about it. If you expand on this, you will transmit it much better to the reader. You will make them FEEL what you felt and make them care about your piece. However, make sure to never write something like "I was angry." Show, don't tell.

I also noticed your line breaks are a little off. In poetry, line breaks are a form of punctuation. Just like you would never just throw random periods in a sentence if you were writing prose, you have to think hard about where you pit line breaks. A good place to start is to put them where you would naturally pause. If there is something you really want to emphasize, you can put a break before it. Its a difficult thing to learn since there is no equivalent in prose, but trust me, it is worth all the effort to master it.

The last thing. You seem to have thrown some rhyming in here and there. Personally, I would leave rhyming out. Since you don't have a rhyme scheme throughout the whole piece, the little bits of rhyming just distract and detract from your piece.

Overall, great piece. Its really emotional and strong. I look forward to seeing more of your work.