Thank you, Sun...

by JesusFreak900
  • September 6, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic
If the Sun gave out this evening,
I would have but one regret:
To not peer upon your face
Any longer than I already have
Absorb and appreciate your flawed perfection
This morning, I took your friendship for granted
Tonight, I miss what love we could have shared
 
For no length of time can satisfy
My heart’s recognition that it lives to accompany yours
My dear, I wish you peace
To traverse life’s trials with ease and calm
Comments & reviews · 2
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unsocialbutterfly
Comment
unsocialbutterfly commented · Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:20 pm

I love this. Seriously. I don't think sun is supposed to be capitalized? I can't think of what else to say haha. It's really nice.

User avatar
LadySpark
Review
LadySpark wrote a review · Fri Sep 07, 2012 6:13 pm

Heeeellooo! I'm Sparkie, and I'll be reviewing you today!

Let's talk about punctuation, shall we? You've got a good start on learning how to use it in poetry-- a very very tricky thing, I'm still learning, but you still haven't passed that learning curve.

I would have but one regret:

This ":" is not needed. Leave it off. I'm a big believer in the less is more concept, and you honestly and truly do not need it here.

Any longer than I already have.

Period here, love!

Absorb and appreciate your flawed perfection,

Wonderful imaginary! And also, comma!

This morning, I took your friendship for granted ,
Tonight, I miss what love we could have shared.

Yep, yep!

My heart's recognition that it lives to accompany yours.


To traverse life's trials with ease and calm.



Love, this is a very nice idea. And very well written, in that old style that I love. Just work on the punctuation and you'll be fine!

If you have any questions, let me know!
Sparkxx



Just think happy thoughts and you'll fly.
— Peter Pan