Published June 19, 2011
Finally with the in crowd,
on stage for people to see.
I have made many sacrifices,
causing this disaster no one could foresee.
It started slow,
but snowballed fast.
I'm finally in the limelight,
no longer the outcast.
My new friends are abundant,
old friends pushed aside.
But I now have a secret,
that I’m forced to hide.
I go shopping weekly,
since my clothes no longer fit.
In a few short months,
just skin and bones I sit.
No one seems to notice,
and if they do, they don't care.
But on some occasions,
my old friends stop and stare.
I see concern in their eyes,
and fear in their hearts.
They know that my weight loss
has exceeded the charts.
Yet when I look in the mirror,
I see someone much too big.
Just one bite of dinner,
and I feel like a pig.
So I have made this choice,
it will be tough to be changed.
It will take more than a day,
for my life to be rearranged.
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141,477 Literary Works • 674,501 Reviews
Hi Jessa,
First of all, I want to say that I think it's fantastic the way you deal with issues in your life. Instead of worrying from the perspective of an outsider, you really try to put yourself in the place of the person who you worry about and in that way understand them. I really admire you for that.
Now on to your poem: as for nitpicks I'll only cover things that Nafe didn't already get.
These aren't grammar issues, but changing it makes the stanza flow.
Other than that this is well written. Nice job on it--you really seem to identify with your friend.
Sare
Jessa this is truly beautiful. Tragic, but beautiful.
You tackled a very controversial and hard subject head on with great success.
I thought the detail you paid to imagry and your lexis was absolutely amazing. I really think you are an amazing writer, I don't think I would be able to pull any of what you have written off. For this I applaud you.
I love how you have incorrporated the events of your own life into your work, which is not only brave but something I very much admire in writers as they are sort of letting readers into their own private thoughts so for this I thank you for writing in this way. I am so sorry that your friend is sick and I really hope that maybe this poem gives her the help she needs or she gets the help she needs soon. Thanks for the poem.
PopAteMyHeart1994xxx
Hello Jess!
I really liked this poem. Your prose was very controlled: you did didn't condemn; you almost sympathised, which I percieve was your intention. I feel the sorrow, pity, frustration and longing in your voice as the poet: a very sucsessful piece of prose.
I can totally relate to this poem. For me, it's not just words on a page: I truly understand. A year-or-so ago, I was on the brink of Anorexia. It's a horrible, frustrating disorder; something totally beyond control. Somehow, I pulled myself together, and managed a lucky escape. It's such a shame about your friend. I can truly sympathise and I hope she's getting help.
Anyways, this was really a great poem - *like*
~ Alia
Hey Jessa,
.
Let me start by saying how sorry I am about your friend. I've also had anorexic friends so I know what you're going through. Stay strong and channel it all through your poetry
Now to get to the reviewing.
I really liked this poem but a number of errors made it less enjoyable for me.
"Finally with the in crowed"<---should be "crowd"
"No one could foresee"<---should be "forsee", I think.
"no one seems to notice"<---capitalize the n, making it "No one".
"They know that my weigh loss"<---should be "weight loss".
"It will take more then a day"<---incorrect grammar. Should be "more than".
Otherwise, your poem was good. I like the message and its intent. I like how you're raising anorexia awareness through your poetry. Keep on writing.
-Nafe