If I told you

by Jessa

Published June 7, 2011

Spoiler! :
Edits and comments are appreciated! : )


If I told you about forever,
would you choose to stay?
Or would you feel trapped
and try to run away?

If I told you of the time
I loved another man,
Would you still be willing
to love me and take my hand?

If I told you of the way
that he made me feel,
Would the knot we tied,
slowly be unreeled?

If I told you of all the things
That I have and have not done,
Would that make you get up
and try to run?

If I told you everything,
the cold hard facts.
Would all our feelings
still be intact?

Would you still love me,
For what we have tonight?
Forget about my past,
So my future can be made right?

Comments & reviews · 4
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Matthews
Review
Matthews wrote a review Review · Jun 10, 2011

For a love poem I liked this. In some areas the flow was a little off, but it was OK. The questions you asked were very real, and something I could imagine people wondering. It seemed very life-applicable. There was good emotion and the rhyme seemed to be fine. Nice job, easy to read and didn't make me gag, (as most love poems do).

User avatar
AlmondEyes
Comment
AlmondEyes commented Comment · Jun 10, 2011

ur poem was great!keep writing!!

Random avatar
NeoAnderson
Review
NeoAnderson wrote a review Review · Jun 7, 2011

wow! i really liked this poem. seriously, i did like it. i liked it bacause it had a really smooth flow, and the words you chose were simple yet efficient.
1. i dont think you need to capitalize the first word of each line in a stanza
2.the first stanza is very good
3.in the second stanza you should use when i loved another man instead of i loved another man
this is because i think that whenever the word time is used the word when should also be used.
4. somehow i fell the the third line of the third stanza seems incomplete.i think it can be
would the knot that we tied.
i know the line you used has a better flow but i would prefer this.
5.i liked the usage of cold hard facts
6.in the last line of the last stanza, i think if you use bright instead of right it might sound better.

otherwise i really liked this poem(i did like it)
i'm looking forward to more of your works.

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Sassykat
Review
Sassykat wrote a review Review · Jun 7, 2011

Awww, this was reeeeally sweet. :p All I can say is that in poetry you just about always capitalize the first letter of each line unless you are doing one of those poems where there is no capitalization and no punctuation. Also, there are some places where your flow went a little off, especially in the fourth and fifth stanza.

Again, this was really sweet. I enjoyed it a lot. *clicks like and follow* Great job, can't wait to see what you come up with next!



“Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine. I couldn't get the boy to kill me, but I wore his jacket for the longest time.”
— Richard Siken