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Young Writers Society



The road

by Jerikas


Endless road.

I walk down the road every day, each time getting a little further only to be called back to the house for some reason or another. The old church that stands at the end looks lost among the leafless trees and no smoke ever rises above it so I cannot tell what is down there.

I have always been told never to go down the road.

Then one morning I got up out of bed and looked out of my window down the road. Nothing had changed since the night before, yet something wasn’t right.

I got dressed and wandered down to the kitchen. Taking a piece of toast I made my way out of the door onto the road. I had no shoes on but my thick socks offered a little protection against the cold, cold ground.

For once nothing else seemed as important to me. I felt I had to find out what lay at the end of the road.

I began to walk. One step at a time until I reached the furthest point that I had got to before. From now on it was all new. The cold of the bitumen began to bothered me as my socks got wet and the icy cold of the morning seeped in but the road looked more welcoming that ever. I found it intriguing, what was down there. Every time I got a bit further I felt more at home, safer, warmer than I ever had done before.

I kept going and the further I went the wilder it became the thin woodland became dense and forbidding. The different colours of the trees stood out to me like never before.

Suddenly I found myself under the church of which I had only ever seen the tip of the spire. The spire reached up into the sky as if forever and ravens watched the stranger on their territory from unseen heights above.

I kept going but as I went the feeling of home and warmth was leaving me. I thought of going back but it was too late.

I began to recall every time I had been told not to go down the road.

I went back to the church and found a small alcove to curl up in. Satting for hours listening to the howling wind. For the first time in years I felt the comings of fear. As darkness fell an unseen shadow was cast over me. The small pocket of fear that had been building up over the past few hours suddenly burst and I lay sobbing and screaming at intervals until a bang pulled me from my small world of encapulated terror. I watched a tall silhouette glide into the church with the glowing moon dancing behind him.

I let out a small sob and it attracted the thing. It came over and appeared to looked at me, curled over myself, back hunched and tears drying on my face.

We watched each other for what seemed an eternity before it bent down and took me by the hand.

I have always been taught never to trust strangers, but then I had also been taught not to stay out late.

Or go down the road.

I grasped the things hand and looked at its face. A ghost.

Fear no longer held me and the thightening in my chest dissapeared.

What was at the end of the road?

Nothing.

It goes on forever.


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15 Reviews


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Reviews: 15

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Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:47 pm
Nicole Lynn wrote a review...



The first thing I picked up while reading this was that she/ he seemed to be in a trance. Like she/ he was being drawn towards the church, so the fact that she/ he grabbed a piece of toast on the way out is a little bit illogical.

Don’t be afraid to embellish a little bit! A little detail and description never hurt anyone. I felt when I was reading this that when she/ he approaches the church it is very haunting. A large empty church stands alone in the middle of nowhere. Creepy, but what did the church look like? Was the paint peeling and cracked? Or was it a building that has been cared for by an unseen man for years?

Oh and the only reason I used “she/ he” instead of she or he was because even though you are a girl, I wasn’t sure if your character was a boy or a girl. Anything that needed to be pointed out was corrected by Snoink. Nonetheless, good job! -NL




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368 Reviews


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Sun Feb 05, 2006 10:12 am
Shine wrote a review...



First of all WELCOME TO YWS!!,after all you are a new member. :)

This story was a good try,but some little spelling errors are there.I liked the ending part too. KEEP WRITING AND POSTING IT HERE. :)




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41 Reviews


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Sun Feb 05, 2006 7:39 am
torsa_n_muse says...



:D well done! but u need certain areas to improve. the story was good, and so was the style, but you shud improve on your presentation!

keep it up!




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3821 Reviews


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Sun Feb 05, 2006 5:56 am
Snoink wrote a review...



:shock:

Barely any spelling errors! COULD IT BE???

Sorry, I'm impressed. I did notice two typos, but they were relatively harmless things.

Satting for hours listening to the howling wind.


Should be "sitting."

Fear no longer held me and the thightening in my chest dissapeared.


Should be "tightening."

Okay... the other really nit-picky thing I have against this is the overall lack of commas. I don't want to go on about that, so forgive me if I just note this and not discuss it in length. I found this on the web, and it may help you out: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/ ... comma.html

As far as the story? I liked it. For one, it was short. Some writers, when they write stories, they believe they should add as many words as they can. You didn't sucumb to this temptation, and for that, I applaud you.

Next? The plot was awesome. It was symbolic without being overly so. I saw it in a religious tone where, after breaking down and crying, God leads her away into a "never-ending road." And I like the message -- it makes me happy. But I also see that you cleverly written it so that the story can be taken in many different away. Kudos to you! Not many writers can do it, and it makes me all nice and fuzzy inside to see someone like yourself attempt -- and succeed -- with it.

There were a couple of spots that were a little strange. I already mention the two typos and the general lack of commas, but I also saw this:

I had no shoes on but my thick socks offered a little protection against the cold, cold ground.


Don't say "but" unless you're going to contradict yourself.

Otherwise, fine writing. I expect to see many good things from you! :)




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1258 Reviews


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Sat Feb 04, 2006 8:34 pm
Sam wrote a review...



Oh, man, a very, very good ending. However, for such an exciting story you put a little too much emphasis on description and not what's actually going on. It seems to passive for an adventure such as this one- take out unnecessary words and leave, for some sentences, just the bare bones. It'll make the story much quicker and fast paced to match the excitement.





We are great at fearing the wrong things.
— Hank Green