Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this was a very short and kind of really sad piece that you have here. Not much happens and its just this poor person being drowned in the ocean for some reason. So that's a pretty straightforward plot which doesn't really do a lot but I think for a short story that's totally fine and this one uses its plot quite well I'd say.
Anyway let's get right to it,
All I can feel is the cool sand between my toes and his hand on the small of my back. The camp fire glow is still behind us, I know that, I if they’ve noticed we have gone. No, probably not, they’re to drunk to notice anything.
First of all that's a decent opening. Mildly interesting I would say. Not completely neutral but not the blockbuster style opening that can grab anyone's attention.
And secondly I think that "I" was an extra typo there.
The sea is cold but he is warm so I will hold him closer.
We’re wadding in the sea submerged up to our waste, the fire is reflecting of the glittery surface of the water.
He is leaning closer I can feel him breathing on my neck, he kisses my neck.
“You’re going to die tonight April,” He says to my open throat, “are you scared?”
Well that...that was...interesting. Not the sort of turn that I would expect from four sentences.
“Are you ready to die?” he asks me.
All I can see is his eyes, so pure, so blue, never-ending eyes.
Oh dear.
“Yes,” I reply but all there is now is air bubbles, water fills my mouth. I can’t see his eyes and the warmth of his body is gone.
He left me alone to die.
All I feel now is the water rushing past me, silver flashes of fish scales fly past me.
Everything has gone black and the fish are gone.
Well that's very strange and dark and sad. And that's about all I can say about that ending. Just a lot of sadness in that one.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: So umm...hmm...not a lot to put here because I can't really see much mistakes. The minimal descriptions work out well here and we still get a fairly decent picture of her emotions through what we do get. The dialogue is somewhat monotonous but that's not too big of an issue in something this short and that actually would develop the character of this man quite a bit too so that's fine. Overall its a pretty well written nice little story.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4096
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