I beseech you child of our time
Who wanders in the everlasting light
And holds the hand of god
In his own sweet palm
You who can take the demons
From my daughters nightmare
And hold them in you hand
Then let them fly away
Dare I ask the shadows
Your name, child of our time
As I watch you passing
With you face watching the sky
The baby, newborn chick
Bitter sweet harmonies
Play endlessly, over again
Until we reach adulthood
As the childish memories
Fade into dwindling sadness
As we walk alone in this life
Waiting for the everlasting light
To fade with the closed dawn
And watch the sun bring new hope
And old wonders as we age
And fall into the everlasting light
Once more
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Add punctution like you were actually writing it in story form. For example:
I beseech you, child of our time,
who wanders in the everlasting light,
and holds the hand of god,
in his own sweet palm.
"who" isn't needed.
Why hold them and then let them fly away? It's unnessary and illogical.
I think you meant "your face"
From this, you completely deviated from the plot line you had going and started with a string of images. The plot line was vague, and a bit mysterious. I never got to understand it before you plunged this different set of stanzas about "we" instead of "you" and "my daughter". It sounds pretty, granted, you have something here. It just wish it make collective sense.
The and's were getting redundant.
Anyway, I think this could be something if you made the plot line clearer (which would make it narrative, by the way) and then added some punctuation. And don't be afraid to break out of the four-line formualted stanzas. I feel that with that bit of freedom and revision, you can make this poem worth it's full potential.