Her expression was blank,
You couldn't see all the pain
she was living day by day.
No signs of her confusion
About who she really is,
No traces whatsoever
Of her boredom with the life she was living.
She shies away from the world,
Afraid that they might hurt her.
Crush her dreams like they have done to so many others,
Drive her to the inevitable.
"Stop! Don't let them get to you"
her conscience screamed,
but her head was to stubborn.
Inquiring every move she made,
every breath she'd take.
She was bottled up inside,
Never to come back.
Dreaming of a better tomorrow,
Yet not doing anything to change it.
Too afraid of the world,
Too afraid to do anything.
Now her glass had filled to the top.
Another day, another month.
She was suffocating from her insides,
Her lungs no longer had oxygen.
Only a whimper with her every last breath.
Not holding for long, everything went dark.
Is this a new beginning,
Or a hurtful goodbye?
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Canary word: Present
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125,003 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
I like the poem, and although I am slightly confused I understand the meaning pretty well. The way you write is blunt and sort of choppy, but I think it works. Also this poem does tell a story in the barest of details, so with some more details it could definitely be a story! I'm going to go read that other poem you wrote! And I'll probably start following you! Whatever you're writing I'll be reading!
thank you so much for the comment.
I guess it does sounds like a story.
It's kind of telling my story. but I didn't go into details.
My other poem "Cycles of Agony" sort of go more into details.
I guess a better way to understand it is through being able to relate.
Either way, I'll see what I can do to put it into a story.
Hello, this is a nice poem however it is missing something which I cannot explain. It is quite confusing in that I am not sure about who the poet is talking about or why the woman is sad. You are obviously expressing her feelings but it is not something which I personally would relate to. If I have to be honest the first time I read it I thought the poem would be better if it were a story then I think it would become very interesting.
... haloa
So to conclude I would prefer is the poem was to be changed into a story. Good luck with you work