This is one of my lousier poems. My first attempt at a love poem, yes I consider this a love poem, and I would like to now how to make it better. When I wrote this I was slightly more concerned about the shape then the actual words them selves.
Stupid feelings
I have stupid feelings
That come from all sorts of places,
From my head, from my heart
Stupid, stupid messed up feelings
That make me feel what I don’t want to feel
I push them away, far far away, never to be seen
But they run back, only stronger, stronger and stronger
Running, they can only come closer, closer and closer
Pushing, no forcing themselves into my ever plagued head
Why, just why, just tell me why you make me feel this way
The way you make me think of you, so painful
I keep asking myself my why I even care
Care about you, why care at all?
But these stupid feelings
Messed up feelings
Tell me so
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Well love poems arent really my thing, but I'm going to take a crack at this.
So the first thing that I noticed with this is that you repeat words a lot. Repitition can be used for the better in a poem but it doesn't work here. You just seem to be trying to drag things out more than needed. Like you said you were going to the shape, but I would just forget that. If the words don't sound good it slaughters the shape anyway.
I think that instead of repeating per say you could just change the words. Use something that means the same thing. It would make it not drag so much.
I think you should also add punctuation on the ends of some of the lines. It would also reduce in the dragging.
Love poems are a very cliche topic so I can't really say much more on this. If you need anything feel free to pm me.
-Flow-
I loved the last stanza because it tells a lot. So overall, I thought this was a good piece. The mistakes are mainly on the punctuations. Don't worry about the structure of the poem because it's actually alright. Happy writing!
Ola.
.
.
The name's Alinafe, Nafe for short and I'll be reviewing this poem
Well your poem is pretty okay. I mean, I saw what you were trying to do and though I got the gist of it all, it didn't particularly move me. I didn't FEEL that emotional connection, you know.
The repetitive scheme you used sort of annoyed me more than anything else. Like black sheep said, it was all a little too cliché.
And recheck the grammar of the first lines of the first stanza.
"I have stupid feelings that COMES"
Remove the "s" so it becomes
"I have stupid feelings that COME"
That's the negative. On the other hand, there were bits I could relate to and I liked how you described how you can't help it. As a reader, it was easier to place myself in your shoes. And I think the last stanza is pretty rocking
Anyway, I hope I helped.
X
Ola.
.
.
The name's Alinafe, Nafe for short and I'll be reviewing this poem
Well your poem is pretty okay. I mean, I saw what you were trying to do and though I got the gist of it all, it didn't particularly move me. I didn't FEEL that emotional connection, you know.
The repetitive scheme you used sort of annoyed me more than anything else. Like black sheep said, it was all a little too cliché.
And recheck the grammar of the first lines of the first stanza.
"I have stupid feelings that COMES"
Remove the "s" so it becomes
"I have stupid feelings that COME"
That's the negative. On the other hand, there were bits I could relate to and I liked how you described how you can't help it. As a reader, it was easier to place myself in your shoes. And I think the last stanza is pretty rocking
Anyway, I hope I helped.
X
I always feel so inadequate when judging poetry x)
As a whole, this wasn't bad, but I wasn't particularly fond of a few things. First, the repetition wasn't really effective. It felt a little cliche to me. Closer Closer Closer. Stronger Stronger Stronger. Why Why Why? These words just seem empty. I do think I understand what you were trying to do with this; use the words to build up speed and emotion into the climax (the longest lines of your poem) and then kind of die back down. It had the feeling of someone majorly stressing out about something and then crawling into a heap onto their bed and crying it out. So I did get some great emotion out of it. The ending leaves a great impression.
But do keep writing! Love poems are tough to tackle
Hope I helped!