Humanity once faced extinction to a far superior race of aliens that swore their entire armies to the cause, they were almost victories on multiple accounts, but humans have a knack for pulling through. With the harrowing fate at Earth’s cosmic doorstep, humans and aliens would align to not only protect themselves but also the galaxy. After countless conflicts, politics, mourning and arguing, there was an uneasy peace. The Milky Way was not quite saved but it was protected from the world devouring parasite that acted as it’s namesake, The Flood. It came in like a tidal wave of flesh and claws consuming entire planets. There were rumors of its origin. The big bang, science experiment, God's wrath, regardless, the truth would be buried from human and alien alike by the few that witnessed its release.
The alien collective had their part in it. Known as the the Covenant before the end of the half-century war. They were no more and the human’s United Nations Space Corps were leading the way to bridge divided solar systems. This UNSC harnessed newly collected alien technology to improve their ships, their warriors, their odds of any future conflict. The Flood was on the minds of many on Earth that had survived its invasion of all life on the human home world. Albeit, the further in the universe life latched on, the less they worried about Earth and it's problems. Corners of the galaxy had survived human wars, alien invasions and certain infection through sheer luck one could guess.
Pockets of insurrectionists and heretic clans dwelled in the distant worlds and for one reason or another, they fought their own while the burning remains of war lay the foundation for a better future. Not their future. No, the UNSC had pulled away from their worlds to protect Earth and the inner colonies. When the universe was regaining its stability the UNSC returned to check on the distant inhabitants and impressed their will. Insurrectionists wanted their freedom! They had fought and survived on their own, they didn't want Earth's government or military. They had salvaged starships, alien technology and fought their own wars without Earth. The Covenant was more welcome than the UNSC banner.
Humanity had to answer for their own crimes in the past on Earth. Experiments, cover ups, war crimes, hundreds came to the public through an unknown source and brought brimstone upon the responsible officials. The most damning of news since the end of the war: children soldiers raised to be the perfect fighters in the code named Spartan Programs. They were the edge humanity needed to survive the last fifty years, but they were not volunteers as they had been presented when the Covenant first attacked. The Spartans had been kidnapped, replaced with a flash clone, and then experimented on all their lives long before aliens were even known to exist. Many didn't know that killing humans were their original intention, rebels getting too big for their own good, it was luck of the draw that they were also perfect for combating the Covenant.
The once proud pillar of humanity was under a microscope. The Spartan II’s were very few but never suffered defeat in the eyes of the UNSC, their glorious motto was “Spartans never die.” But a handful of super soldiers were not enough to suppress the invading forces and the Spartan III’s were adopted. Vengeful orphans picked up from remains of planet wide destruction, they were the product of cut-corners, by-passes, and mass production of what brought forth the generation before it. With a casualty rate of 100 percent for most of their operations, the Office of Naval Intelligence trained these children to be expendable, to give humanity the strategic victories and time it needed to train the next generation of super soldiers. ONI was the puppeteer pulling all the strings behind the UNSC's darkest secrets and worst nightmares for and against humanity.
The majority of the second and third generation Spartans were lost to the call of duty. Their sacrifice was not in vain though. The next generation was born, the Spartan IVs. Fully grown service men and women stepped up to fill the ranks, donning the technologically advanced power armor like their forefathers and brought the Human-Covenant war to a close. They didn't sign up for the stigma or the repercussions of winning the war on the blood of children. The program was disbanded under investigation, humanities savior was now a harrowing story to be whispered about.
Some however were celebrating the downfall of the Spartans. The best humanity had to offer before child warriors took their place, the best of the best, Orbital Drop Shock Troopers. Jumping boots first into hell, they fell from the sky in dense pods behind enemy lines to fight from the inside with whatever they could get their hands on. They were the epitome of humanity’s ability to wage ground warfare, they were the first to be selected for the Spartan IV programs, and their peers saw it as giving up their humanity. ODSTs were human through and through, not part machine, nor pumped with unnatural enhancements and taking all the glory from real soldiers. Humans worked within the perimeters of war, Spartans completed their mission by any means. Humans had consequences, Spartans went decades without a second glance and the ODSTs toasted to them finally meeting their demise. Each and every ODST had their part in the war, humanity won the war, not a handful of Spartan.
With the Spartans out of the picture, ONI and the UNSC had to deal with insurrectionists the old fashioned way. Without the imminent threat of extinction, small time leaders resurfaced to acclaim get a rise out of the government. With peace for the first time in decades, humans were killing each other again and squads twiddling their thumbs were sent out to deal with them. A planet along the outer colonies was exposed to being the source of the Spartan Program leaks. A team of four ODSTs were detached and deployed to uncover it through a up and coming insurrectionist faction known as Chaos Cluster.
They had been a low-profile group going after top secret information and somehow they had gotten one of the deepest hidden gems. The ODSTs thought they just might shake every one of their hands before arresting them.
That was a month ago. The operation was slow going for the undercover ODST. Chaos Cluster was being extra cautious with who they let into their ranks. A few days ago they had finally given way to their man and things were developing, it was a waiting game while the rest prepped their mission. Clad in their iconic jet black armor, detailed with scuffs, plasma burns and bullet grazes, insurrectionist leaders were a cake walk compared to the eight feet tall aliens known as Elites. It was uncovered recently that the females were bigger but thankfully not allowed to be warriors. The war may have gone differently.
It was the night of the drop and drag part of their mission. While their trooper had a meeting with the leader of Chaos Cluster, they would drop in, secure him and take him back to the ship in orbit to be taken in for questioning.
“Indiana is inside, two guards at the door now. Armed with automatic rifles. Tagged.” Texas pinged the men at the door through his rifle’s scope, a counter in his visor going up to represent the number of personal in the stout skyrise. Five floors, so far twelve marked from the outside on the ground and in balconies.
Indiana was able to keep a tally in addition to theirs as he made his way inside under the guise of a AWOL marine seeking revenge against humanity. With his weapon left at the door, Indiana was defenseless if things got ugly. The marksman without his weapon was still a hell of a threat, Texas just wished they were able to get a gun passed their security. Whoever opened up the Spartan Programs to the public just might have been able to out their little operation revealed.
“Military grade weapons? Chaos certainly has been moving up in the ranks, huh?” Checking the condition of his small automatic pistol, a second one on his hip, Delaware was itching to get inside and return to their human on human tactics. Humans were easy, no shields, no alien armor, no threat to humanity. His excitement was also in part for commandeering the leak if they find it on-site. Being their occupational technology expert, Delaware missed dealing with humans in general, he joked that alien technology rarely asked him out for a second date.
“You tell the universe the UNSC uses children to fight their wars, I’d recommend you arm yourself to the teeth. Exhibit A, we’re here.” The number in their visors of occupants had been rising but at points it went down, that was Nevada at work. Light on her feet and quiet with a blade, not to mention the benefit of the recent salvage of Covenant equipment. The assortment of gear she has Delaware working on all the time is new space age ideas and he makes it work, like magic. Then their magician Nevada was making people disappear without raising any alarms. Texas ran a high-tech, efficient team, battle hardened by countless victories and loses, hardships and wounds.
“Yeah, but what makes you think this Useff guy is going to tell us about his little birdie?”
Delaware looked over the side of the rooftop at the target building across the street, the outline glowing in the pitch black of night, lights spaced out around where people were at work inside preparing the next revolution. Within the outline was Indiana’s homing beacon, on the second floor and Nevada on the third.
Texas figured ONI had their ways of getting information and the ODSTs were just the hand that did their reaping. He pushed the thought of them being no better than the Spartans to the back of his mind, he needed to be cool and calm. Every branch of the military got their hands dirty but it wasn't gloried behind a faceless helmet like the Spartans, each of his team had their regrets. He doubted Spartan's were even capable. No one was better than his ODSTs, they were human.
“We need to abort and pull Indiana out, now! There’s a bomb and two bodies!” Nevada shot that idea of a calm from Texas' mind and Texas was down the side of the building in no time. Delaware right behind him on the rope line, weapons drawn. Shadows moving towards the skyrise's front entrance, a screen popped up on the visor where the count used to be, now it was a green tinted image of a contraption. It looked well put together, but like a puzzle thrown together from five other puzzles. Human and covenant material sealed together.
“Any idea of our time frame? Any idea who?” Texas and Delaware dropped the front guards with a single shot each, taking out the overhanging flood lights. The muffled echo of plasma fire came from above and over the radio.
“Elites! There's one still here! Fucker was cloaked.” The pair downstairs moved like clockwork while everyone inside was looking up or down the hall, lights were shot, bodies hit the floor in the hallways. Clearing the rooms as they passed, the situation was now shot to hell if there’s also alien combatants there. But why were they there? Nevada had gone silent but the plasma fire was met with ballistics, Texas hoped it was her’s. In tight quarters, that size of a opponent was an easy target.
If it didn’t get close.
“It retreated out the west side, jumped out the window instead of fighting, I recommend we do the same! Where’s Indiana?” The image of the bomb was replaced with a slide show of photos she took on her way out through her helmet camera. She would have the easier time getting out, everyone was scrambling confused and she worked like water through chaos. He was impressed she didn’t suffer mortal wounds from such close contact. The sensation of an Elite's slender fingers wrapping his throat seeped in from a distant memory then receded as a group of three men in causal clothes with military weapons collapsed to the concrete floor.
“We’re making our way up, he’s on the second floor, get out of here, Nevada. Meet at zone C at 0500 if you lose contact!” Their armor deflected a spray of small caliber bullets as they went up the stairs, two more bodies dropped at the top. They were being sloppy under pressure, a bomb, an Elite, Indiana in the mix and then the failure of their operation. Only a few doors away from Indiana, his beacon shifted from a light yellow to red as multiple gunshots rang out from the room. The sign to retreat, he was declaring himself KIA but neither Texas or Delaware would allow that certainty without a fight.
By the time Delaware kicked in the door, the gunfire had ceased and they moved in after rolling in a concussion grenade. The board room was smattered with bodies, bullet holes and a floating man grasping at his throat. They shifted their helmet's imaging detection, weapons raised as they spread out. The outline of a massive Elite holding Useff by the throat until he ceased movement filtered in. The signal to open fire couldn’t change what had happened but they could at least bring in the bastard’s head. Useff’s body was used as a shield while the hail of bullets ricocheted off the alien’s armor where it couldn’t block with the limp body. The beast took the body over the balcony's edge and disappeared. Texas scanned through the series of bodies until he located the familiar face. A series of bullet holes across the wall above him where he would've been standing, a single plasma hole center mass. There wasn’t time to mourn now. Texas estimated the drop from the balcony and jumped. Delaware didn’t hesitate to follow. They rolled out and followed the alleyway, dropping from orbit would get anyone used to the smaller jumps.
Three blocks later with no sign of the Elite, the building exploded behind them and collapsed on itself. Nevada checked in, zone A was compromised by the explosion but she was fine on the way to zone B. Civilians were appearing in the darkness, Texas and Delaware shifted into the dark crevices in the alley. Any insurrectionist would immediately put the appearance of ODSTs and a leveled building as related, they had to disappear. Their gear was invaluable so they stowing it and joining the populous was not a likely option. They stayed put until Nevada could guide them step by step through the alleys and neighborhoods.
“That explosion looked plasma based so hopefully they think it’s a covenant branch attacking them. Perhaps they’ll welcome us in helping them.” Her open analysis was a welcome distraction between movements and knowing Indiana being gone.
“How many times did ONI use covenant technology to create that same narrative to have it backfire?” Delaware had more secret operations under his belt then all of them combined, they took his word for it.
“You don’t think it was an actual Covenant attack?” It was a possibility, the Covenant had their own version of insurrectionists but Texas was interested in Nevada’s ideas.
“The Elite didn’t attack me until it saw me see it. They’re not exactly the shy and quiet type, plus it shot around me. Kept me back long enough to arm the bomb. I think I interrupted it when I came in the room. Since when did they have that terrible aim at point blank range? It didn’t seem to care if I shot it or not.” Nevada helped Delaware and Texas up to the roof that was zone B, the smoldering site that was Indiana’s grave not far enough away towards the horizon. Taris was a large city for outer colony standards, but in the other direction you could see the city disappear as the planet’s lush landscape took over. Their truck was not too far, Delaware volunteered to bring it so they could de-brief at their haven.
It finally hit them when they entered the basement dwelling, a forth set of armor set in Indiana’s spot among the makeshift work stations and equipment. They stood around it for a moment of silence, his helmet was pristine, a running joke that he wouldn’t be a man until it stopped a round from stamping his ticket. What good it did him down here.
Texas wanted to see the footage of the incident with Nevada and the bomb. It played out how she described. Locating two bodies in a dark room, she scanned through and found the bomb, giving it a thorough look over. Keeping her head on a swivel, something caught her attention and where there wasn’t anything. Then motion, displaced light, even in the dark the night vision showed it well. It shoved Nevada towards the door she came in and she managed to fire into it square in the chest three times, a swath of energy rippling from the impacts. Taking cover beyond the door frame, gunfire was exchanged. Plasma bolts scored the doors threshold high and low but not anywhere near Nevada. That weapon could melt tank armor with enough shots, but these were suppressing shots to keep her away, the surroundings caught fire. It could’ve held the trigger down and ignited that entire floor easily, instead it wanted the bomb to go off.
Once it was set, it fled with Nevada on its heels. It disappeared into a hole it must have come in from between the second and third floor. Multiple bodies lay in its wake, those must be gone along with Indiana, no evidence of the Elite or ODSTs. They compiled the report and sent it to the ship in orbit, except it didn’t connect to send. Delaware scrambled to fix the dilemma, Texas went back to the video and the report. Nevada went outside to watch the carnage unveil from the roof, sirens and aircraft littering the sky. The sensation of being watched raised the hair on her arms, much like it did in the room with the bomb but what would a Elite be doing watching them? Elites weren’t populated in the outer colonies yet, they had their own planets and didn't fit in too well with human cities yet. Now they were included in fighting insurrectionists? Why not initiate a plasma attack from orbit? A bomb is personal, then it seemed to believe the bomb was disarmed by her. That must have been why it seeked out the target to handle personally?
“Nevada, we need your intuition.” Texas held the front door open, the least bit calm in his tone.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey JenTep!
I like the opening. It doesn't feel like an info-dump to me because you've written it in such an interesting way. The language you've used and the way it's describes presents it similar to how history documentaries are presented in that it may not include every specific detail but it includes the details that make it engaging.
I found the text a bit heavy, but I think that's because I'm not accustomed to the genre. If I was more familiar with the vocabulary it might have been a bit easier. What I did really enjoy is that exposition and world building continue right on through even into the action. It creates such a rich and vivid environment.
I noticed you used the phrase 'the majority of these forces were lost to the call of duty' and had to wonder if there was a reference there.
The line '“We need to abort and pull Indiana out, now! There’s a bomb and two bodies!”' made my heart plummet. Up until this point they seemed to be taking things so lightly, as if this was something they could handle in their stride, but that line really emphasises their own mortality and just how dangerous this area is.
These characters are great. They seem to work together and get along really well, but the respect they have for each other and the situation comes across quite strongly.
This is a brilliant piece, and so well written. It's hard to create a true tragedy from the death of a character who has been around for such a short time. I think it's the way the characters respond to each other and their environment that makes it feel like every one of them matters, and the efforts to rescue Indiana create such a sense of comradery.
I really enjoyed this, thank you for posting!
What stood out to me immediately is the format. It's pushed all the way to the left side and it's quite blocky, so it's hard to keep focus on reading it. I recommend separating the bigger paragraphs as well as aligning all of the text. It came off as if I were reading a history document by the way it's written, and if that's your intention in the beginning then you did great. I still also have no clue what the UNSC is and when it was first mentioned it was never introduced as to what it stands for. Not sure what ONI is either.
You need to be careful about info-dumping especially in the first chapter because it often becomes too much to take in at once and it's easier to read if it's sprinkled throughout the story and chapter in subtle ways rather than a full, long history given at the very start. You could introduce history in simple ways: through dialogues, books, signs, etc. It doesn't mean you need to take out everything, just shorten some of it. You also have a tendency to use commas as your only form of linking so try to use some other words as well. You don't have problems with your grammar otherwise from what I can tell.
Dear neighbor, I appreciate your sticky note left on my front door! Allow me to drop my own on your doorstep!
The format was weird, it was copy and pasted from a PDF since the original file was corrupted, fixed that with some effort! I didn't a good kick to do it, I usually let me longer stories go unedited but wow that format was ugly!
In reference to the history lesson, it was an info dump indeed. I usually write in a super sleep-deprived state so I appreciate you pointing that out, it certainly could have been done differently! This entire story was inspired by a friend and I threw it together so I wouldn't forget it. Now it's time to refine!
I'm a huge fan of the Halo franchise which this is based on and it's such a rich universe and I'm so uncertain what is important versus what isn't. It's still a rudderless boat ride but hopefully I'm able to cobble together something with it!
Again, thank you and I hope you leave many more post its on my door. They're nice to come home to after a 14 hour shift <3