Published July 3, 2009
sky: subtly blushed with crimson by way of
indefinable prophesy; and, soft as cotton,
purest of mists settled, obscuring all sight.
Such was the essence of magic. It lingered,
sweet scent, and drifted upon the icy breeze;
that the innocent traveller, alone in the night:
weary feet and frosted nose; would think
to stumble over a fairy or elf among
the grasses tall and green by way of shelter
a notion not at all fantastical.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,470 Literary Works • 674,495 Reviews
Well done, love.
Although, I wish you would title the thing so people would look at it.
Your poem capture images as a fairy would running through tall grass.
Your use of language is pleasant, and sometimes even particularly clever.
I wish that this poem was at least three times as long, and the main reason for that is because I feel like I am being led up to something, which happens to be...just might be....
and we give you...
I now pronounce you....
you are the lucky...
I wish you...
It's as if it was leading up to the climax, and then, decides it'd rather just go curl up and go back to sleep.
While it's a unique effect, it left the poem wanting.
Please continue writing.
And I really think you deserve more credit then you are choosing to give yourself.
-M.
Megan you are going to make me cry xxx
Hi!
Not boring so much as incredibly pretty, and calm, and soft. I love that this poem paints a picture so that we can see exactly what you're talking about, and then you have the hypothetical traveller, which, in my mind, opens the poem up to a thousand possible stories.
Such was the essence of magic. I don't like this line, mostly because it seems such a big leap from subtly describing the sky to "...and that's because it's magic!" Don't tell me it's magic (the fairies and elves give that away, anyway) but let me read the poem and decide that it's magical in itself. Personally, in the 'sky:' lines, I was looking at it as one of nature's magic, but this line just ruins the whole thing. Also I dislike the past tense.
by way of shelter Do you mean here, that the elves and fairies are looking for the shelter in the grass, or that the traveller finds them while looking for shelter? I /think/ you mean the former, but it should be clearer, otherwise it's a little akward. I also think there should be some sort of punctuation - dash, semicolon, whatever - to separate this line from the next.
All in all, it was lovely. I envy people who can write short poems as you have to say so much in so little and I love this because it captures a moment, but it also suggests a story, as I rambled about above. Gold star!
-Mars