Published June 14, 2009
A shadow of his former self:
his body weak; his mind still strong
as ever. Days spent in one room
are whiled away with idle dreams.
He climbed a mountain, swam the sea;
he crossed the desert - all behind
those youthful eyes set in
a wrinkled face.
Somewhat misplaced.
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141,465 Literary Works • 674,483 Reviews
It's rather short, but I liked the message you were trying to convey. I think you should try to improve the ending, maybe extend it, because just putting "somewhat misplaced" at the end is a little too abrupt.
Nevertheless, I liked it. Hope to see more of your work, keep writing! ^^
I love it. Specially the last line. YOU MUST LET ME HAVE IT IN MY SKETCHBOOK, CHILD.
You are a wonder to mine eyes xxx Don't know why you were worried about it, it's marvellous!