Hello Jellibelli, Katja here to review your prologue. As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make if you find them to be unhelpful. That being said lets get into the review~
Overall Thoughts
So, my first impression is confusion. The actual circumstances that your prologue is describing is a little hard for me to grasp. I understand that we have a (I assume) main character named "Saffi"and that she used to visit a field of poppies by a beach and she stopped visiting them and in some way or another she has "changed". I like the story so far, but It is hard for me to fully understand what is happening.
My favorite part of this prologue thus far is the imagery you introduce in the first few paragraphs.
My favorite lines,
The sun, a friendly sight, but her rays seem to burn and burn the ground, and for some moments, the poppies worry that she’ll burn them too. The moon provides some relief, but he stands with such posture that reminds them that, at any time, he could raise the waves, and drown them.
This really fits with the fantasy theme and I love the imagery it evokes. I also love the personification of the sun, moon, and the poppies.
Suggestions
Maybe make the story a little easier to consume.... And what I mean by that is it is a little difficult to fully soak in what is happening. That's just my opinion of course. Other than that I don't have anything else to suggest~
Summary
My favorite part of this prologue is the imagery and title. It really suits the fantasy genre and evokes strong imagery throughout. I hope to see a chapter 1 to further clarify what is happening and see what this story is all about!
I hope my review is helpful and I look forward to reading more of your work soon.
Keep Writing,
~Katja
Points: 0
Reviews: 156
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