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16+ Mature Content

The Demons that didn't believe in Angels. Segment 1

by JediDeadpool

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

      They were called "The Fallen" by themselves, "Unworthy" by the Judges, and "Sinners" by the zealots. People too evil in life to be allowed to disrupt the utopia on the other side. They idly wondered sometimes what that utopia was like. Not that they really cared; they didn't even believe it really existed. To them it was just a notion they may have heard of. It was just something to think about, an alternative to the pit they lived in. A pit they may or may not have known about before their rebirth, or "death" as they used to call it. There was no dying, they knew that now. There was just another chapter in futility, a self-perpetuating carcass of something once great.

      Three main groups flourished in the pit, though there were many groups inhabiting the pit. The liars were the highest, though not the strongest, for in their lives they had unknowingly chosen to familiarize themselves with one of the tools they needed to succeed in their new world. Cruelty, deceit, and misery. These were power. These were currency. These were survival. Cruelty was power, and those who had it were formidable. Those who weren't cruel soon realized they never would be, and were doomed to be oppressed. Deceit was currency. With deceit you could attain anything you desire in the pit, and those who had it prospered greatly. Those who could not understand deceit were taken advantage of, and though they might attain seats of power without it, they will lose them far quicker. Misery was survival. If you could not inflict it, you were nothing. You were lower than the vile ground they walked upon. You were fodder, or you were a slave, or you were nothing.

      Every so often, there would be a mass upheaval; for better or worse. For better would be the Judges made a mistake; something that happened far less than the alternative upheaval. Someone who deserved the utopia the One had made would be cast down by mistake, and upon him suffering would be unleashed such as was known no equal to any others but the denizens of the pit. There would be no salvation for him, and he would be snuffed eventually by the filth. For worse would be that a person of unique evil would be rebirthed, and he would revel in his new paradise; twisting the very pit itself to serve his visions. Millions would be eradicated by his very whim, and he would begin to be viewed as the One. On this unfortunate occasion, the whole pit would be purged so that he would not escape and disrupt the utopia far above. No creature would remember it, for there would be none left to remember it. Except for the Judges, who would weep openly at the sight of it, there would be no recording of it.

      And so they existed. No existence of time, or character, or anything else that would allow them to do anything but what they had done. This was how it was, and is, and will, and should be.

      The Judges were people who had rebirthed but done nothing in their life. Not "no evil", as the residents of the utopia had done, but simply nothing. The were so neutral in character that they fit nowhere, so they were tasked to judge all rebirths: good, and evil.

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383 Reviews

Points: 19607
Reviews: 383

Sun Apr 03, 2016 12:59 pm
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Sujana wrote a review...

This is probably going to be a short review, considering it's also a very short chapter. Since you have no notable grammar mistake, I felt that the only thing I can complain about is the story.

This was...somewhat strange. I'm not sure if this was supposed to be a story or an introduction into a world that will soon become the background to a story. Probably the latter. As far as I understand, it is somewhat similar to the heaven and hell concept, except in a utopian society of sorts--that will certainly be interesting, and I'd be happy to see that finally come in fruition when it probably will.

I like the idea of having three groups in this pit of yours. Cruelty, deceit, and misery. But what was the difference between cruelty and misery? If you are cruel to people, you in turn will obviously cause misery. And power is just as necessary as survival. I can understand the difference in deceit from the two, but how you described cruelty and misery makes it seem as if they're one in the same, which is understandably confusing.

I also liked how you made the Judges fallible, as in you suggested that they're not just an infallible god who can't do any mistakes. That will obviously make an interesting story, and I'd be glad to read it if you have the time.

Overall, a very good idea, and I can't wait to see it come to fruition.

Signing out and Happy Review Day,


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34 Reviews

Points: 439
Reviews: 34

Sat Mar 26, 2016 1:57 pm
JediDeadpool says...

Seriously, I'm warning you. This is a highly questionable document. You may have severe brain scarring from simply scanning this work

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34 Reviews

Points: 439
Reviews: 34

Sat Mar 26, 2016 1:57 pm
JediDeadpool says...

Read at own discretion. Not intended for general public.

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454 Reviews

Points: 358
Reviews: 454

Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:03 pm
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Rascalover wrote a review...

Here to review your lovely, evil, story. I absolutely love the idea of utopian worlds, something far different than the world we live in. I think this is such a unique idea because (what I got out of it) is that there is a Hell of sorts, but the people who are there do not believe that is a Heaven because they have only heard of it and never experienced it. I am extremely excited to see where this goes. I didn't see very many grammatical or spelling errors, but I was wondering if this story was going to be told through a main character, someone from the pit? I love what you have going on, and please message me when there is more. Sorry this review is a little less than helpful.


JediDeadpool says...

Thanks for the review! I'm probably going to write a review on it myself just to get it out of the green room so no one has to pay attention to it. I really wasn't writing it intending people to want to read it... ehh *shrug*

In answer to your questions; There is going to be more... lots more!
& Yes, there will be a main character. Or at least, several quasi-main characters that each have their own short story. Those short stories will all either
a. intertwine chronologically, combining to make a longer story
b. follow each other chronologically.
Either way, expect lots of brain rot xD \^-^/

Note: It doesn't even make sense IN my head, but that's where it's coming from so don't expect much lucidity in the conglomeration that will result. :3
Thans for liking my evil story (though I'm questioning your motives, since it's actually really bad. (Evil bad, not poorly constructed bad.))

Rascalover says...

Seriously, I'm so interested to

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