Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
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Jerry Brown |
About [Number] words |
Jerry Brown, a slightly chubby teenager with blonde hair and hazel eyes, got prepared for his sixteenth birthday. His brother Jesse walked into Jerry’s room, a small room with black walls and pictures that Jerry sketched, hung up. Jesse was an eighteen year old with blonde hair like Jerry’s but dark blue eyes. He was slim, unlike Jerry, and he was also stronger.
“Hey, you ready yet?” Jesse asked
“Not yet.” Jerry responded as he turned his head to see Jesse
“Well hurry up.”
Jerry got ready, rubbing his deodorant stick on his armpits and then putting on his black wristband, and then went to the kitchen where his brother was waiting, fidgeting with an apple and then taking a bite out of it.
“Who’s all here?” Jerry asked
“Kim, Leah, Elly, Tiffany, and Valencia.” Jesse answered
“Why’s Valencia here?”
“Ask mom.”
Jerry and Jesse walked outside to see his little cousins playing and people talking and drinking. Jerry looked back to when he used to go to Liberty Center schools, he was tormented so much for no apparent motive, and it has caused a lot of misery in his life. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia, which caused more bullying so he was forced to make an adjustment of schools, which is where he met his friends that were ordinary, but never made fun of him.
“Hey Jerry.” Elly said as she walked up to Jerry and hugged him
“Hey, how are you?” Jerry said with flushed cheeks
“I’m fine, how does it feel to be sixteen?”
“It feels great!”
“Good, I have a present for you.”
“I said no presents.”
“I know but still I wanted to give you something.”
Elly pulled out a pocket knife with a black sharp blade with a winged skull on it, it also had a hole you could put your finger through.
“Wow this is an awesome knife, thank you Elly.” Jerry said
“No problem Jerry.” She said as she walked away
Jerry was enjoying his birthday, but he had another birthday present from the Brown side of his family. Jerry was walking toward Jesse when a hand grasped his arm and hauled him behind his house
“What are you doing?” Jerry asked
“I need to talk to you.” Valencia said
Valencia was Jerrys ex-girlfriend, who he had been with for a year and four months, but they drifted apart. They began despising each other afterwards and tried ruining each other’s lives.
“Why? What do you want?” Jerry asked
“I want to know why I was invited even though we hate each other.” Valencia said as she clutched firmer on his arm.
“I don’t know, ask my mom.”
“Fine I will.” Valencia said as she let go of his arm and walked away
Kim, Jerrys girlfriend who had been there through his worst, came out of nowhere and kissed Jerry, thus making him blush. Jerry met Kim a couple of weeks after Valencia and he broke up and he immediately fell in love.
“How are you doing babe?” Kim asked
“I’m good, I still have another party to go to.” Jerry told her
“Where at?”
“My uncles’ house.”
“Oh, well I hope you’ll have fun.” Kim said as she gave Jerry a kiss on the cheek and left
Jerry sat down at a table that was set up outside for his birthday and enjoyed everyone talking and smiling. He still had another party to go to at his uncles’ house for the Brown side of his family. Jesse said that they has a huge surprise for Jerry but gave no clue to what it was, nor could Jerry think of what it was. Jerry was so lost in thought he didn’t notice Tiffany, a brown haired and a short petite girl, came up to him.
“What are you thinking about?” Tiffany asked
”Nothing special, and don’t sneak up on me like that.” Jerry said, still a little frightened
“Sorry, I forgot you’re effortlessly spooked.” She said with a smirk
“I am not.” Jerry said looking away to hide his blushing
“Nevertheless, happy birthday.”
“Thanks Tiff.”
“No problem, and by the way, I’ll be at your second party.” She said as she took her leave
Jesse pulled his Mazda RXL up to Jerry, thus he hopped in the seat and they left to go to his uncles’ house. Jerry thought about what the immense surprise would be, but he couldn’t think of anything, he thought it would be a new car or a lot of money. Either of those surprises didn’t seem like anything his family would do for him, he didn’t truly get along with the Brown side of his family.
They pulled into his uncles’ driveway and parked the car. Jerry was always in admiration of their house when he saw it, it was a small house but a big yard and garage with a swimming pool. Jerry always felt so poor when he saw the house, probably because his aunt was a millionaire due to her job.
Jesse handed Jerry a cigarette and a lighter. Jerry was a smoker, but it never provoked his well-being. Jerry ignited the cigarette and took a drag.
“Wait here, I’m going to make sure the surprise is arranged.” Jesse said
“Alright, I’ll be here.” Jerry said as Jesse entered the house
Jerry waited for about several minutes until Jesse arose from the house and gestured for him to come in. Jerrys’ heart started thumping so fast out of apprehension, speculating about what the surprise is. Jerry walked into the house to see Jesse, his dad, whose name is also Jerry, his uncle, John, and Tiffany.
“Are you ready?” John probed
“I guess.” Jerry shrugged
Jesse grabbed and steered Jerry down to the basement, where he has never been before. They walked into a room with a lengthy wooden table and feudal looking decorations on the wall. Jerry wondered about the room and why it was decorated like this.
“Welcome to the Brown assembly room.” John said
What do you mean?” Jerry asked
“There is an entire world you don’t know about Jerry, a world of demons.”
“You’re joking right?”
“No, here I’ll show you.”
John sealed his eyes and unexpectedly darkness matter appeared from his shoulder and surged to his hand hence, producing a sword with a black hilt and an extended flame like blade with dark orange around the edges extending across the blade at points, but the rest of the blade was light orange.
“What the hell.” Jerry started but was then cut off by John
“This world has thirteen families of demons walking amongst the humans who all has an extraordinary ability and our ability is we have demons living within us. That surges our supremacy and makes us stronger than the other families. You are one of the Brown demons, we request to initiate you into the council and train your demonic powers.”
“I’m part demon?” Jerry asked
“Yes, will you join us?” John queried
“I have too many questions to think. What is the demons purpose in the world?”
“To stop the Neros, they were once one of the families that subsisted in this world but was sadly corrupted, so they keep attacking humans trying to destroy them.”
“How would I be of any help?”
“You are a demon with the power to fight.”
“What if I do join you?”
“We will train your powers.”
Jerry thought about everything John was saying. He recognized this was no delusion and had to take the situation seriously, but he couldn’t think of what to do. But after several minutes, Jerry then made up his mind.
“I’ll join you.” Jerry said
John led Jerry to a pitch black room and sealed the door. Jerry was wondering if he did right by saying yes. Would this alternate his entire world? He thought about Kim and thought what it would do to their relationship. He would have to wait to see.
“Are you ready?” John said over a speaker phone linking the two rooms
“Sure, what am I doing precisely?” Jerry asked
“You will be call upon your sword.”
“Sounds simple enough. What do I have to do?”
“Close your eyes and drift into the darkness.”
“That’s all?”
“There’s more to it but you’ll have to wait and experience it.”
Jerry closed his eyes and stood still in the darkness. He was thinking that this is a stupid way to summon a sword, but how could he dispute with them. Jerry continued just drifting in the darkness but nothing ascended.
Abruptly a wicked laugh cracked through the darkness. Jerry instantly became scared. Could he only hear the laugh? Was this part of the summoning?
“Why are you so scared Jerry? I’ve always been here.” The voice said
“Who are you?” Jerry shouted
“I’m Seraphim.”
“Well then I guess you’re the demon inside me.”
“You are accurate.”
“Then you can tell me how to summon my sword?”
“Yes I have the knowledge to do so, but first, you must prove you are worthy.”
“How do I do that?”
“By fighting me.” Seraphim said as the walls turned to white and a sword appeared in Jerrys’ hand. The sword had what seemed like red and black matter as the hilt, with no guard and a short thin blade, it reminded him more of a machete. Jerry looked up to see what Seraphim looked like, a towering lean, but fit demon with horns beginning on his head going to the middle of his hand and fire coming out of his eyes.
The demon sprung headfirst and swung at Jerry with a vast sword that had a blue hilt and no guard and the blade had a baby dragon skull with a blue abnormal radiant rock on the massive black blade. Jerry, struggling, pushed the demon away with a thrust on the back bone of his blade.
“What are you thinking?” Jerry bellowed
“You have now proven yourself.” Seraphim said
“What do you mean?”
“You will know shortly, but be alert, there will be many skirmishes in the upcoming and strong battles. You must train beforehand. That is all I have to say for now.”
Jerry opened his eyes to find himself once again back in the pitch black room. He could sense something in his hand and he ran his other hand against what felt like a blade. Jerry had received his sword thus he found the door and walked out. He saw his sword, it resembled a machete, mass of a machete with a skinny black blade, but the hilt was something different. There was darkness matter flowing as the hilt.
“What a remarkable sword. I never thought darkness matter would be used as a hilt, I’m astounded you can even hold it.” John said
“Thanks, so what’s next?” Jerry asked
“Next we bring you into the council.”
“What’s the purpose of the council anyway?”
“We decide on what to do about our foes and economic complications.”
“Economic complications?”
“Yes we do use our money toward demon purposes.”
“Alright then let’s bring me into the council.”
Jerry entered the room with the huge wooden table and feudal decorations. Getting ready to be taken into the Brown demon family.
“Does everyone accept the bringing of Jerry into the Brown council?” John asked as everyone shook their head “Alright then let’s give him the mark.”
John drew his sword and then the blade converted to dark matter and went soaring toward Jerry. When Jerry opened his eyes he saw he had a black mark forming on his upper body to form a four, the rank of his council seat.
“Alright, now Jerry is officially in the council, congratulations Jerry.” John said as he embraced Jerry “Jesse, show Jerry everything.”
“Yes uncle.” Jesse said as he directed Jerry to an additional room
“How many rooms are in this basement?” Jerry asked
“About one hundred.”
“Damn, what are they all used for?”
“You’ll learn soon.”
Jesse and Jerry entered a dusty bare room. It looked as if it had no purpose but Jerry knew different.
“What kind of firearm do you want?”
“What do you mean?”
”You can make almost any gun a demon weapon. So whatever gun you get here will be taken to your room here.”
“Alright, I’ll take them all.”
“Ok and here is a demon phone.”
“A demon phone?”
“Yeah, you use it for demon purposes but it can be used to for speaking to humans, and it’ll never shut off.”
“Awesome.”
“Yeah I know and here is a laptop that you can use for almost anything.”
“Ok what’s next?”
“Your car.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yes, come with me.”
Jerry and Jesse walked into a subversive garage with what looked like hundreds of cars. They came up to a car Jerry recognized but thought Jesse had bought for himself. It was a ’78 Chevy Camaro.
“We touched it up, it now has an improved engine and everything. It’s much faster than it was previously.” Jesse said
“And the car’s mine now?”
“Yes, treat it good.”
He revealed to Jerry all the secrets it has, including a demon boost which is used to turn invisible, and faster. Jerry was starting to love the benefits of being a demon.
Jerry was ushered to his councilman room, it was remarkable, enormous, lovely bed. He desired to move in there right away. During that thought he got a text from Jesse saying to get to the training room thus Jerry left to meet Jesse.
“So it’s training time?” Jerry asked
“Yeah.” Jesse replied to his question
“Well I’m ready.”
“Alright let’s start, grab that wooden sword.”
Jerry went over to the wall that had the two wooden swords hung up on a rack and tossed one to Jesse. Jesse swung at Jerry when he was off guard.
“What the hell bro?” Jerry exclaimed
“Never be off guard, always have your senses focused.”
Jerry swung at Jesse but he avoided it very effortlessly. Thus Jerry swung and swung until Jesse seized the wooden sword and swung himself. He made direct contact with Jerry’s face, causing his nose to bleed.
“You got hit, give me one-hundred push-ups.”
“Bro, I can’t even do twenty.” Jerry groaned
“Do them if you want to get stronger.”
Jerry didn’t try to argue and got in the push-up position and started going. He made it to thirty-five but at that he collapsed.
“Get up.” Jesse yelled
Jerry got up into a fighting posture and swung at Jesse but never connected. Jerry kept getting himself hit, and so Jesse made him do one-hundred push-ups, he never got to one hundred but he was getting closer.
Jerry smeared the sweat off of his face with a towel. It was a stiff workout, the hardest he’s ever done.
“You finally made it to one-hundred. Congrats.” Jesse praised
“Yeah and now I feel like I’m dying.” Jerry said trying to catch his breath
“That’s all part of your muscles building up, be happy.”
“I never said I wasn’t.”
“Well we’re done so you can go do your own thing.”
“I’m going home to rest.”
Jerry got in his new astonishing car and drove out of the massive underground garage and into the road. He looked at the time and it was One o’clock which stunned Jerry, since he got there at four o’clock and felt like he’s only been there two hours.
When Jerry pulled into his driveway he noticed that Valencia and her grandparents were still here. It was peculiar because they weren’t the type of people to stay away too long, due to them living in Taylor, Michigan which was right by Detroit.
Jerry opened his house door and saw Valencia crying and being comforted by her grandma, Pat, but when he walked into the rest of the room he saw the grandpa, Jeff, they weren’t that old, they could’ve passed for forty.
“What’s going on?” Jerry asked
A person patted Jerry’s shoulder and when he turned around he saw it was his mom, Georgia. She had a sad look on her face though.
“Valencia’s mother was murdered.” Georgia said sympathetically
“What do you mean murdered?” Jerry asked
“Her upper body was cut from the rest of her body.”
“How is she holding up?” jerry asked gesturing to Valencia
“She’s been crying since she found out, shortly after you left.”
Jerry felt a coat of sorrow cover him. He walked gently to Valencia and sat down with her. He grabbed her and embraced her tight.
“I thought you despised me?” she asked through sobs
“I never despised you, it’s just you hurt me.”
“I know but I had to.”
“Why did you have to?”
Pat interrupted on the conversation.
“We’re leaving tomorrow.” Pat said
“I’ll come with you.” Jerry responded
“Why do you want to come with us?”
“To make sure Valencia don’t do anything stupid.”
Pat wanted to argue with Jerry to make him stay, but she knew how persistent he was, and nodded, indicating that he could go.
Jerry had to tell everyone that he was leaving for some time. Jerry went to his uncle’s house to tell them he won’t be able to train. When he had arrived there no one was there except for Jesse.
“Hey, you ready for training?” Jesse asked
“I came to tell you that I won’t be here for a couple weeks.” Jerry said
“Why?”
“Because Valencia’s mom died yesterday and I’m going back with them to make sure Valencia doesn’t do anything stupid.”
“Well then train on your own.”
“I’ll work out while I’m there.”
“Good.”
Once Jerry explained why he wouldn’t be there for some time he left for Kim’s house. When he got there he noticed someone else’s car that he didn’t recognize.
He walked into the house to hear Kim giggling. He walked over to her door and saw Dakota, a kid Jerry has been having problems with, in her bed. Kim had sworn that she wouldn’t have anything to do with Dakota, thus it made Jerry mad that he was there.
“What’s this?” Jerry asked
“Oh, hey babe.” Kim said springing up to hug Jerry
“Why is he here?” Dakota asked
“Because she’s my girlfriend.”
“Yeah, for now that is.”
Jerry was never a very calm person, he’d always get mad at the littlest thing. What Dakota said had made Jerry even madder than he’s ever been.
Dakota cursed in pain as Jerry seized Dakota by the arm and pulled him outside. Dakota instantly got up and swung at Jerry, but Jerry sidestepped his punch and delivered a right uppercut to Dakota stomach. Dakota fell to the ground clutching at his stomach. Jerry wasn’t done though, he had grabbed Dakota’s shirt collar.
“You will never touch Kim again or I will kill you. Do you understand?”
Dakota shook his head as he got free from Jerry’s steel grip and ran back to his house.
“What the hell was that?” Jerry yelled
“That was nothing. He just showed up.” Kim said with tears in her eyes
“Well while you were having fun, Valencia is crying her eyes out because her mom died last night.”
“Oh my god, is she ok?”
“No and that’s why I’m going to her house for a couple weeks.”
“For what?”
“To make sure she doesn’t kill herself.”
“Look I lied. I invited Dakota over and I was going to cheat, but please don’t go to her house.”
“I know, which is why I’m not texting or calling you while I’m gone.”
Jerry left Kim crying, but to Jerry she deserved it. Now Jerry had to go see Tiffany, who he found out was also a demon. Half way to Tiffany’s house his eyes began to tear up, he thought he was weak crying because of a girl. But he had been hurt enough by Valencia and he feared being hurt again.
Jerry pulled into Tiffany’s driveway and noticed there were no cars, but Tiffany didn’t have a license so her parents must be gone. Jerry knocked on the front door and for several seconds he waited. When Tiffany finally opened the door she was surprised. She hugged Jerry and let him in.
“Hey what’s wrong?” Tiffany asked
“My ex-girlfriend’s mom died last night so I won’t be here for a while.” Jerry said leaning against her doorway
“Oh, but I also sense something else is wrong.”
“Yeah that must be that demon work that can sense that, Kim cheated on me today.”
“So cheat on her.”
Jerry pulled out his Demon Cigarettes and lit one up. He was surprised what Tiffany was saying though, she was always someone that was against cheating.
“No, I will not condescend to her level.”
“Fine, just have sex with someone.”
“I don’t think there are many girl who will have sex with me.”
“Don’t be too sure.” Tiffany said while she got up from where she was sitting and took Jerry’s cigarette, took a drag and gave it back. But after she blew the smoke out, she got on her tippy-toes, due to how short she was, to Jerry’s face and kissed him. And Jerry kissed her back.
Jerry left Tiffany’s house thinking about what just occurred. He looked back in his thoughts as he saw her petite body on top of Jerry. Did he really just have sex with Tiffany? What does this mean?
Jerry would have to call her later that night and ask. But for now he had to go see his teacher to get his homework for the weeks he’ll be gone. School was still in and Jerry wanted to stay caught up.
Jerry pulled into his school parking lot which was small. Jerry had gotten in trouble a couple years ago and was sent to a behavior school but all of his teachers loved him.
Jerry walked into his classroom and saw Mrs. Meck, a twenty five year old with brown hair and a sexy slim body, but her real name was Hannah.
“Alright here is all the work for the next three weeks.” She said
“Thanks, I would like to stay caught up.” Jerry said
“Mind if I ask where you’ll be for a couple weeks?”
“My ex-girlfriend’s mom died so I’m going with them to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.”
“That’s sweet of you.”
She handed Jerry her number explaining that if he needed help on any question, just call her. When Jerry was out of the school, Hannah ran up to him and asked if he could give her a ride home because her black ford explorer had broken down.
Jerry pulled into Hannah’s driveway.
“Thanks for the ride.”
“No problem.”
Jerry pulled out of Hannah’s driveway and started driving toward his house. He still had yet to pack up so he had extra clothes at Valencia’s house.
Jerry was getting arranged to go, he packed all of his guns and laptop. He left his room where everyone was saying their goodbyes, Jerry hugged his mom and left.
Jerry was driving behind Valencia and her grandparent when he got a call from Tiffany.
“Hey.” Tiffany said
“Hey, what is it?” Jerry asked
“Nothing just wanted to ask about us.”
“Yeah me too. What are we?”
“I’m not sure but I’ll be up there with you soon.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going up there to talk to you about this stuff.”
She hung up after she said that which left Jerry in his thoughts. What did this mean for his relationship with Tiffany? And would she really meet with him when Valencia’s with him? Jerry discarded those thought and continued driving.
Jerry got out of his car when they pulled up to Valencia’s small grey house. They showed him the guest room where he’d be sleeping at. It was a small bed but Jerry didn’t care. He noted that Valencia went straight to her room, he didn’t think it was a good idea to bother her.
Jerry knew she wouldn’t do anything yet, he had been able to feel her mood and her thoughts. She was the only person he could feel and so he wondered if it was because of their history together.
Valencia wasn’t the only reason Jerry went with them. Deep down he knew Valencia’s mothers homicide wasn’t by a human, thus he felt duty bound to look into the murder.
“Hey Pat.” Jerry said
“Yeah, what is it?” Pat asked
“Is there any news about the murder?”
“All we know is that she was cut in half with what looked to be a sword and she was murdered at the school parking lot.”
“A sword?”
“It’s strange isn’t it? Who uses a sword anymore?”
“Yeah I guess.”
At that moment Jerry felt that something was wrong with Valencia. Jerry wasted no time racing up the stairs and opening her door, he saw that she was pressing a knife up to her wrist. He went to her quickly and grabbed the knife and squeezed her tightly.
“You’re not alone Valencia, don’t forget that.”
Valencia didn’t reply, she just grabbed Jerry’s shirt and cried hard into his shoulder. Jerry pulled her in closer and laid his head on top of her head, it wasn’t too long until she fell asleep crying.
Jerry laid Valencia’s head on her pillow and quietly left her room. He had been in there for about three hours and it was two in the morning. Jerry had to get to work on the murder, and so he grabbed his handgun and stuck it down the back of his pants and put his phone in his pocket.
Jerry leaped from the room window down to the ground and started sprinting toward the school.
A vision of a woman laughing and kissing a guy appeared in Jerry’s head when he set foot in the parking lot. He stopped and tried to catch his breath, but he had to bring back that memory. Jerry focused and asked himself what happened, then that same vision appeared.
Jerry recognized the woman, it was Valencia’s mother, tall and long brown hair, but he didn’t recognize the guy. But then jerry saw what happened, as Valencia’s mom twirled around, probably drunk, the man pulled a sword out, the same way demons do, and slashed her in half.
Jerry vomited at that image he wish he didn’t see. How could he explain this to Valencia? At that time Jerry heard a snarling noise, he looked around but saw nothing. He thought he was just hearing stuff, until a wolf like beast jumped for his throat but Jerry jumped back just in time. Jerry could barely see it but he was able to make out that it was a wolf by the growling and the bright red eyes he saw as it lunged toward him.
Are there demon wolves? There are so many questions Jerry had yet to ask. But now wasn’t the time to be questioning it because the wolf lunged at him again. Jerry kicked the wolf in its ribcage but didn’t seem to do any damage. Jerry started running but he realized his speed was no match for the wolf.
The wolf latched onto Jerry’s leg causing Jerry to fall, he could feel his bones breaking under the pressure of the wolf’s sharp teeth. Jerry began kicking the wolf with his other leg but the wolf wouldn’t let go, thus Jerry focused and dark matter began flowing from his shoulder to his arm, creating the small sword with a black blade and flowing dark matter as the hilt. He swung at the wolf causing it to jump back. Jerry was barely able to stand, but he tolerated the pain, and just as he was about to jump to the wolf and finish it off, he heard a demonic laugh that cracked through the night sky.
“Whose there?” Jerry yelled
“I’m someone you don’t want to meet.” The woman said
“And why’s that?”
“Cause I’ll cut you down in a second.” She said as her and the wolf disappeared
Jerry was walking down the road of Valencia’s house with a limp, he didn’t know if he should go back or not. His leg was injured critically and it was bleeding a lot. But he didn’t care for that at that instant, he was wondering how he would tell Valencia about her mother. It all confused Jerry because he was new to all this demon stuff.
Jerry soundlessly snuck through the house and checked on Valencia, who was sound asleep. Jerry entered his room and fell backwards on the bed.
“What happened?” Jesse asked petrifying Jerry
“Holy shit, don’t sneak up on me like that.” Jerry said laying back down
“Sorry, but what happened to your leg.”
“A damn wolf.”
“A demon wolf?”
“Yeah.”
Jesse crossed the room to Jerry’s leg and started inspecting it. He made a bunch of faces that worried Jerry. But then he made a reassured face telling Jerry everything was alright.
“There’s another thing you should know.” Jerry said
“What’s that?” Jesse questioned
“There was a woman there, a demon woman.”
“There’s a demon everywhere on earth.”
“Yes but she was controlling the wolf, and she was at the place where Valencia’s mom died.”
“You went there?”
“Yes, good thing I did because I learned how she died.”
“And how’s that?”
“She was with some guy and then, when she wasn’t looking, he drew a sword out and cut her in half.”
“Damn, well I’m going to take this evidence back to the council.”
“Hey can you ask them to let me deal with this problem?”
“I can try. Why do you want to take charge in this so badly?”
“Because I owe Valencia.”
“Alright man.” Jesse said as he teleported back from where ever he came from
Jerry examined his leg and the bite marks, the leg looked fine but the bites looked like the wolf bit deep. Jerry wondered what he was going to do about this. But he would have to figure it out later, he unclothed himself to his boxers and laid down.
Jerry opened his eyes to see the all-white room he went before, at first he didn’t remember why he recognized this place, and then he remembered. He couldn’t find Seraphim, the demon which lived within him, until he heard his voice.
“Why are you here?” Seraphim asked
“I’m not sure, I was sleeping then I awoke here.” Jerry said looking around for Seraphim
“Then you are bothered about Valencia’s mom.”
“How did you know about her?”
“I may live within you, but I still see everything you see and do. Which reminds me, your leg will be fine.”
“Well thanks, and so you saw the vision I saw.”
“Yes I did, but you needn’t worry about Valencia, she doesn’t know the truth.”
“That’s all I needed to know.”
Jerry woke up to a flash of pain going through his leg. The bite marks were still there, but the bleeding stopped. He cleaned the sheets and wiped up the blood. He got out of bed but when he put pressure on his leg, he instantaneously sat back down. He dealt with the pain and got dressed.
It was six in the morning and everyone was up. Since it was a Wednesday, Valencia had to go to school. Jerry poured a bowl of cereal and started eating.
“Hey Jerry, can you drive me to school?” Valencia asked as she walked into the kitchen
“Sure I don’t mind.” Jerry said
“Thanks.” She said as she went upstairs to get ready
Jerry and Valencia got into Jerry’s car and pulled out of the driveway.
“So I have a question. Why did you come here?” Valencia asked
“I came here to make sure you wouldn’t do anything stupid.” Jerry said
“Like what?”
“Kill yourself.”
“Oh, so you didn’t come here to get back together with me?”
“No, I don’t think that would be a good thing.”
“Why not?”
“Because it wouldn’t work out.”
Jerry pulled the car into the parking lot he recognized. They both got out of the car and walked into the brick building, Valencia advised that Jerry not go in but he went anyway.
“You can go now.” Valencia said
“Alright I’ll leave.” Jerry said as he walked toward the exit
He got halfway to the door when he heard someone get pushed into the wall and someone say something threatening. He looked back to see three guys his age immobilizing Valencia to the wall. And thus he made his way toward them.
“So why didn’t you ride the bus you skank?” one of the boys said and Valencia didn’t answer
“If you’re not going to tell us, then we’ll force it out of you.” One of the other boys said
But before they could do anything Jerry grabbed the quiet guys shoulder and threw him backward. Then one of the other boys swung at Jerry, he altered his fist course out of the way and drove a hard blow into the boy’s face. Then the last boy came running at Jerry but he grabbed the back of his head and redirected him to a wall.
The three boys got up and ran for their life but when Jerry turned to see if Valencia was ok, she was gone. Jerry paid no attention to it and left the building. When he got out by his car he pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. As he was taking a drag he looked up to where he saw the demon that was controlling the wolf last night. There was nothing there.
Valencia walked into her class that luckily hasn’t started yet. She saw her best friend Christina, a slim girl with black hair and green extensions, and sat in the desk next to her.
“So why didn’t you ride the bus this morning?” Christina asked
“Jerry drove me.” Valencia responded
“What the hell is he doing at your house?” Christina asked with a raised eyebrow
“He’s there for reasons. Just don’t worry about it.”
“How could I not worry when he tore your heart apart?”
“Except you’re forgetting I left him, I broke his heart.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
The teacher walked in and they turned their gaze to her and paid attention. They were watching a video on Native Americans. Thus Christina passed Valencia a note that said “So did anything happen?” with a winking face at the end of it. She looked Christina’s way and shook her head no.
When they left the classroom, Christina ran up to her.
“Why didn’t you do anything with him?” Christina asked
“I don’t know.” Valencia said
“Come on Valencia, this is the guy you loved, still love, and wanted since forever and you’re telling me you didn’t do a thing with him?”
“That’s what I’m telling you.”
“You’ll succumb to him, just watch.”
Jerry had gotten a phone call from Tiffany. Wondering what she was calling for, he answered.
“Yeah?” Jerry asked
“Hey I’m on my way up to Michigan.” Tiffany said
“Wait, seriously?”
“Yeah, is there a mall around there?”
Jerry knew Tiffany loved walking around malls. He never understood why though. He has known her for three years, so he knew almost everything about her.
“Yeah, it’s on 127 Oak Drive.” Jerry said
“Alright I’ll be there soon.” Tiffany said
Jerry parked in a mall parking space. He got out and looked around for Tiffany, he didn’t see her at all, but he figured out that she was as she jumped on his back and bear hugged him.
After they had a little chat in the parking lot, they went in the mall and walked around. They browsed the stores and the arcade. Jerry beat her score in pacman. After he celebrated his victory, they left.
“So where to now?” Tiffany asked
“I don’t know.” Jerry said
“How about where you’re staying at?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Just ‘cause”
Tiffany pleaded and pleaded until Jerry finally gave in and took her there. They walked in the room Jerry was staying in.
“Nice room.” Tiffany said with a seductive smile
“Just wait till you see my room at my house.” Jerry responded
“I can’t wait.” She said with a wink
She sat down on the bed and patted it, signaling for Jerry to sit next to her. He didn’t resist and did what she wanted. They sat in awkwardness and then out of nowhere she jumped, tackling Jerry causing him to lay on the bed. Tiffany was on top of Jerry staring profoundly into his eyes, it looked like she was trying to read his thoughts. Jerry, without knowing it, had put his hand on her back and was gently caressing her skin.
They stared each other in the eyes for quite some time. Tiffany leaned her face down to Jerry’s and placed her lips on his. Jerry rolled her over so he was on top of her, continuing to kiss her.
Jerry opened his eyes to see that Tiffany was sleeping with her head on his chest, she was so beautiful. He softly moved her head onto the pillow and got off the bed. He looked at the time and saw it was five o’clock which meant Valencia was home. Jerry walked out of the room to find Valencia crying on the living room couch.
“Hey what’s wrong?” Jerry asked
“You and that skank in there.” Valencia said as she got up
“That shouldn’t bother you.”
“Yeah, well it does.”
“What for? If I remember right, you broke up with me.”
“You don’t know why I broke up with you though.”
“Oh really, then tell me.”
Valencia opened her mouth ready to scream out the answer, but instead she shut her mouth and ran upstairs. Jerry wondered what the reason for the break up was, she never once told him. Jerry always thought it was him not being good enough, that’s what caused him to get depressed and then turn to suicide.
Tiffany came out of Jerry’s room and hugged him from behind. They said their good-bye and then she left.
Jerry knew he shouldn’t have taken Tiffany there, he knew Valencia would see them together. Why didn’t he just say no? Jerry still had yet to learn to say no.
Jerry went back into his room and laid down on his bed wondering about all the woman trouble he’s had lately. He never had this much drama, and it kind of freaked him out. At that exact moment his phone started ringing and he looked to see who it was. It was Kim, the girl that broke his heart, due to that thought Jerry broke down in tears. He felt himself die more inside and he begged himself to just give up and end it all. But he realized that he wasn’t prepared to die. He still had something to do.
Kim got up for school, not emotionally ready for it, she forced herself to get up. She got on the bus and they were on their way to the school.
They dropped the kids off at the school and ushered them inside, where Kim saw her best friend Marissa.
“Hey what’s up?” Marissa asked
“Nothing much.” Kim responded
“I can tell in your voice that you’re miserable.”
“Yeah, I screwed things up with Jerry.”
“How?”
“I cheated.”
“That’s a cruel thing to do, with who?”
“Does it matter?”
“I guess not, did Jerry catch you?”
“Yeah”
“Damn, that must’ve hurt him.”
“I know, that’s why I feel like shit.”
The bell rang and all the kids dispersed to their classes. Kim assembled all of her work and put it in her bag and then someone seized her arm, when she looked up she saw Jesse, Jerry’s brother.
“What are you doing here?” Kim asked
“I’m here because I heard you and Jerry broke up?” Jesse replied
“Where did you hear that?”
“That doesn’t matter, you must work things out with Jerry.”
“Why? I’m sure he can live without me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Jerry’s dying right now without you.”
“That’s a lie.”
“It’s the truth, trust me.”
Jesse let go of her arm and walked out the school doors. Kim didn’t know why he came out there just to tell her that. She tried lying to herself by saying she didn’t care about Jerry, but in truth she was dying herself, she missed Jerry.
Jerry pressed harder on the gas pedal, mad, sad, and his mind in chaos, Jerry was. He was convinced Valencia hated him, he couldn’t stand that feeling. Valencia was his first love and she broke up with him, shouldn’t he be the one that’s mad, shouldn’t he be hurting of a broken heart and not because he thinks she hates him?
Jerry, gone in his thoughts with teary eyes, was going even faster than he apprehended and thus when he went to turn, he exceeded it and went head first into a pole.
When Jerry came to, he felt himself bleeding, finally, could this be the moment he loses his life? Would it all end here? He was wishing for his death.
“Goodbye Tiffany, Valencia, Kim, and Goodbye my family.” Jerry said
But something inside told Jerry to keep fighting, and Jerry obeyed. He kicked his car door up, Bleeding and petrified, he crawled out to the road. Why did he fight to live when he wanted to die? He knew not the answer.
He saw flashing lights in the distance heading his way, paramedics. Jerry chuckled and then laid his head down on the road, he then passed out.
“Wake up.” A voice said in Jerry’s head
Jerry opened his eyes to see an unfamiliar person he never saw before, a red haired, towering good looking man, he had bright red eyes and what looked like a dragon’s claw as his hand. Jerry’s concentration was more on his sword, a scythe as tall as him with black dragon skin wrapped around it except for the blade. Was this just another demon? Or was it just a figment of his imagination?
“Why did you just try to kill yourself?” The man asked
“So I don’t have to feel my shattered heart.” Jerry said back
“Foolish boy.”
Jerry didn’t see nor sense the man moved. He only knew when he felt a blade get ran through his chest, there was no pain, only visions, Jerry knew he had to stay alive now, due to the knowledge he just learned.
Kim felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, not trying to get caught by her teacher, she very carefully slid the phone halfway out of her pocket. She never anticipated to get a text from Jesse. But when she read the text that said how Jerry wrecked, and is dying, she couldn’t control her emotions at that time.
She felt the tears roll down her cheeks. She ran out of class crying, confused by what she read, she ran all the way home.
When she had got there she instantly started calling Jesse, but he wouldn’t answer. Why wouldn’t he answer? Was it true that Jerry is possibly dying? She wouldn’t be able to bear that truth though.
Jerry woke up to Valencia hovering over him. He sat up quickly and saw he was on a hospital bed, they saved him. He looked to Valencia.
“Listen Valencia, I need to tell-“
She cut Jerry off “I already know Jerry” Valencia said
“You do?” Jerry asked
“Yes I know your little secret, I know you’re a demon.” She said with a devilish grin
“How do you know that?”
“I have a little friend that knows who you are.”
“Valencia, listen to me, you can’t give into your little friend.”
“Why? Because of that little friend I now know that you killed my mom.”
“What! No I didn’t.”
“Once again Jerry you’re telling me lies. Now just lay down, I would kill you now but I’m going with my friend to learn how to fight you equally.”
Valencia left the room to take her leave from the human world. Jerry pulled his phone out and called Jesse.
“Hello?” Jesse answered
“Valencia knows I’m a demon!” Jerry said as he put his clothes on
“What? How?”
“I’m not sure but I’m sure she has a demon talking to her.”
“This is not good.”
“You think? What should we do?”
“I’m not sure, I’ll get the Brown council and head up there, but for now just try stalling her.”
“Alright I’ll try.” Jerry said hanging up
Jerry got his pants on and walked out of his hospital room. The cops were waiting on Jerry to wake up so they could see if he was drinking under the influence. So when the cops saw Jerry walking toward the exit it was only natural that they chased him.
Jerry got out of the hospital and then started sprinting. The cops had called for backup thus Jerry hid in someone’s backyard. Jerry hid in a doghouse until he heard the sirens die out. He crawled out from the doghouse and began jogging toward Valencia’s house.
On his way there he pondered upon something Valencia said. Why did she say that Jerry had killed her mother? Could it be this demon manipulating her?
Jerry bursted into Valencia’s house, quickly running upstairs to find that she was not in the house. He sat in the middle of the room wondering where she could be, his questions were answered as he looked out of the window to see a group of all white people coming out of what looked to be a portal.
Jerry rushed outside to see Valencia standing next to a woman that had armor, which exposed most of her body, with red hair and a necklace with a blue crystal that for some reason Jerry was drawn to.
“Here comes the demon” The woman said
“Who are you?” Jerry asked
“No one that you need to worry about.”
“I’m afraid I do need to worry about it, you are taking Valencia.”
“That’s none of your concern.”
She lunged at Jerry with the intent to kill but she was excessively fast for Jerry to dodge. Her hand caused a cut to spread across Jerry’s lower rib section. Jerry grabbed her hand and pulled it out but before he could do anything more she pushed him into a fence and broke through it. Jerry jumped back from her and drew his sword.
“Is that to be a sword? That looks more like a machete, I bet your full powers aren’t even unlocked yet. Hah you’re ridiculous.” The woman said
“You bitch!” Jerry screamed
Jerry swung his sword at her but she dodge it pulling a knife out of a holster and stabbing Jerry’s lower back. Jerry screamed in agony, but he endured the pain as he elbowed her in the ribs and swung his sword at her. He missed and she raised her fist and started to bring it down to Jerry.
Jerry opened his eyes to see that Jesse had grabbed the woman’s hand before it hit Jerry. Jerry took little time to take advantage of the situation by driving a fist in the woman’s gut, throwing her in the air.
“What took you so long?” Jerry asked
“Oh you know, traffic.” Jesse responded
Jesse saw that the woman was preparing to lunge at then but Jesse vanished and reappeared next to the woman, hitting her in the face thus sending her sprawling on the ground. She regained her posture, looked back to the white bodied creatures, and then ordered them to attack.
Jesse and Jerry could tell that they were outnumbered as they were coming toward them. But John drew his sword, its blade looked like a flame, which had random sharp points reaching out like a flame and returning to the sword, the blade color was dark orange along the edges and parts reaching out across the blade and the rest of the blade was bright orange.
John swung his sword, sending fire into the air, and killing all the white creatures. He then jumped into the air, hacking and slashing more of them.
“That is one impressive sword.” Jerry said with amazement
“It’s the strongest sword in our whole family.” Jesse responded
“That’s why he’s the leader?”
“Yes.”
All Jerry could do was stand in amazement wishing for power like that. All his life Jerry has been made fun of for not being strong enough or good looking enough. Jerry just wanted to be strong.
Jerry clutched at his pants as he thought about how weak he was to everyone else, Jerry would protect himself, his family, and his friends. He stood drawing his sword out once more, feeling the power of the dark matter flowing out from his heart to the palm of his hand, and lunged toward the woman. Her eyes were wide opened as she realized that Jerry had driven his sword through gut.
She jumped away from Jerry, dodging yet another swing, but the second swing did not miss her. Her chin had a cut that was bleeding.
“Surprising that you can hit me.” The woman said
Jerry looked up, his face and body structure were his, but the eyes weren’t. They had, what seemed like dark matter, coming from the corners of his eyes with bright red pupils.
Jerry was about to strike the woman again, then out of nowhere Valencia’s voice, screaming stop, had halted him.
The fighting had stopped, by Valencia’s voice. Jerry turned his gaze toward her.
“Jerry, please let me go, this fight is between me and you, and I must learn the correct way to fight you as an equal.” Valencia pleaded
Jerry’s eyes turned to his hazel, non-evil looking eyes. He chuckled and then with a serious look, he nodded his head, indicating that he would let Valencia go.
Valencia, gave him the same devilish smile that she had given him at the hospital, as her and her new mentor walked through the whirling purple portal. Jerry had second thoughts enter his mind as she left the human realm and he could no longer sense her.
Jerry wouldn’t lose Valencia, he refused to. He started to run toward the portal, he could hear his brother and uncle calling to him telling him not to do it, but he didn’t heed their warnings. He hurdled through the portal just before it vanished.
With weary eyes, Jerry hoisted himself up. He could see nothing but dense fog, until he seen an obscurely humanoid figure, he started toward it.
When he reached the figure he had seen a demon wearing a black robe and a black hoodie over his head. When he slid the hoodie off his head Jerry saw a man with long brown hair and all black eyes excluding the pupils which were yellow.
Kim was speechless at the news she heard come from Jesse’s lips, the only noise she made, was loud screaming and crying. Was it true that Jerry had been burnt to a crisp when Valencia’s house blew up from a gas leak? Was it possible at all? Could this have been her karma for cheating? Did she just lose the love of her life?
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Nothing too serious, but I noticed in chapter 1 you said was for one character and is for another character, which doesn't make much sense, as you are using past tense and present tense in the same paragraph.

" black sharp blade with a winged skull on it", in this sentence you could use a comma to split the adjectives up. " black, sharp blade"
It doesn't matter that much.
There isn't much wrong with this story, it's truly amazing and keeps the reader hooked in.
At the end of chapter 19 it has the perfect ending, as you described a demon man. I could immediately recognise who you were describing, which left of on the perfect ending.
Though throughout some parts it seemed rushed and the reader would lose track on what was going on. But that's what I think is the hardest part on writing a story, because you know what's going to happen, so when you write it down you still understand what's going on, but the reader might not. As they don't know what's going on from the writers point of few towards a story.
I hope it didn't sound as harsh as I might have turned out to be.
Good job and keep on writing.
From LLZ
Thank you. Part of the reason it might be rushed is because i dint plan out the book, i came up with the story as i wrote. At first i started writing this just for fun, something to do in my spare time, but near the middle of the story i started getting serious about the book. I appreciate your input
Thank you
Oh, I do that! I just write it as I go along instead of planning it out.
I really think that you have a wonderful story here. I don't really like all the diolouge. It kinda makes me want to lose interest in the story itself. Really the way that you put a bunch of explaining before anyone spoke made this story seem like it was just a bunch of notes stored together connected only by the excesive amount of diolouge. I think that you have a good plot going for you but the diolouge just butchers it. You also have a habit of just rushing into things and not gradually taking the reader to a point that is important in the layout of the story. Like you went from he's a smoker and is invited into the basement for the very first time, to he's a demon. The lack of detail makes the story seem like a documentary and rushed. I really think that you have a good idea going for you but it needs to be fixed. If you want you can go to the clubs tab and go to the writer's club and in the forums there is one abut getting a mentor/ a editor (I would send you a link but I don't know how). I'm sorry to be so harsh but that is the critiquer inside me. you do have a really great idea going for you though. Good Job, Good Luck, and Keep on Writing
It's not harsh at all, you helped me realize what I was doing wrong, and how to fix it. Thank you for your review
anytime