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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I really liked this. I have no idea what Quizilla is, so I can't say anything about reading something that reminded me of something I read "back in my Quizilla days". There were good descriptions and I liked the history you put in there.
I just came from Quizilla too! And actually, that's where the idea for the story came from! I was always disgusted by the amount of horrendous vampire stories on Quizilla, so I wanted to take a bad idea like that, and turn it into a good story!
I really like your writing style, but the story reminds me of a really bad one I read back in my Quizilla days....
I'd hate for you to waste your writing on such a bad plot!
Anyway, as to the actual story, I love your use of description, particularly in the first part. I also like the balance of background information and action. Some stories spend like 50 pages describing the main character's favourite brand of toothpaste before anything actually happens, and some stories start off with the main conflict right away, and don't get the reader to care about the character. I think you balanced this really well!
Anyway, keep writing, but make sure your story doesn't turn into something a twelve year old attempting to write a romance would write!