“We are changing the world with technology.” This is a line of Bill Gates from the website of great technology quotes and sayings who talks about the existence of technology. We are now on the era of modernization where technology is everywhere. It delineates a big role in everything we do in our lives. Lots of inventions were made that gave a great impact on every human being. People nowadays became very dependent on the uses of technology. There are programs that help student in learning in a more productive way with the use of technology. Websites are used by people in communicating to other persons in different parts of the world. This is a system which serves as a map that can be used in finding the location of a place, the vast information about something and the advancement of other fields. Indeed, technology is useful in the fields of education, communication and transportation.
Technology portrays a big part in the modern field of education. Distinct programs were created that helps students to learn more in a more convenient way. One of these programs is the Microsoft Word which is used to take notes, create a presentation or make a chart or graph. It is helpful in classes and takes less time to take notes than writing on a notebook. Educational applications and games help students’ access information easily and play games while learning. Encyclopedias and dictionaries are examples of educational applications that can be downloadable in different technological devices which help learners make information handy (Pond, 2013) while Typer Shark is a game that enhances typing skills and speed by entering the words as quickly and accurately as possible. There are also courses in line with technology. Like what Borade (2012), Information Technology (IT) is one known course which includes storage and protection of content, processing and transmitting of dedicated information and the secured retrieval of information.
On the other hand, technology is purposeful in communication. It transformed communication by making it more and more pervasive. Advances in the creation of different devices have created an explosion in the way people can reach each other. Gadgets like smartphones, tablets, iPads, and laptops serve as an all-in-one communication tool since it allows person to have access a wide range of communication formats like instant messaging, e-mail, web browsing and video chat that can be used anytime and everywhere. Computers have also the same benefits with regard to communication except for the reason that it can’t be brought anywhere because of its heavy weight. Other advancement in communication is the social applications produced by technology. Facebook is a popular way used by individuals to stay in touch to their loved ones. Programs that offer free messaging and calls are also in demand because OFWs have the chance to connect to their family in the Philippines without paying any cost. According to Wilson (2013), AIM, an instant messenger can also be used in sending IMs to any phone that supports messaging and chat with Facebook and Google talk users.
However, technology can also be helpful in the field of transportation. There are different vehicles that adopt the innovations of modern technology. According to the website, Metro Rail Transit or MRT is one of this that uses an alternative payment system using G-Pass/mCash which became the first mobile payment platform in our country. With this, passenger doesn’t need to buy the usual ticket in order to ride the MRT. In addition is the Maglev Bullet Train in Japan that uses technology in place of wheels which allows smoother moment than the traditional wheeled systems. (Vincent, 2013) Through this, it helps the individuals of Japan to reduce their time travelling to the large cities of Japan. Another is the invention of the Global Positioning System (GPS). As stated by Ankur (2013), it is a satellite based system which is used by people in navigating the location of a target object. It is an ideal vehicle tracker. (Chadha, 2012) Travelers also used this device as it shows proper map that help them to get the right direction of their destiny.
Technology has changed our lives in so many ways that were numerous to count. It is like that all of these are magic that no one can believe that in just an invention will lead to a better transformation of our lives. The Information Technology and other developments have reshaped the way education is attained, measured and delivered. Modern technology made communicating simpler than before. People from all corners of the world are able to connect with each other quickly and easily. Modernizations in line with transportation also benefit every individual especially the travelers through the high-tech vehicles and scheme. To sum up, the impact of technology contributes a lot in the way we learn, communicate and transport. Remember, the day we started to use technology have improved our lives. So, would you imagine a life without the presence of technology?
References
Ankur. (2013, August 20). Benefits and Uses of GPS Tracking devices. Retrieved August 20, 2013, from http://www.articlesbase.com/gps-articles/benefits-and-uses-of-gps-tracking-devices-6727304.html
Borade, G. (2012, January 19). Advantages of Information Technology. Retrieved January 19, 2012, from http://www.buzzle.com/articles/advantages-of-information-technology.html
Chadha, R. (2012, May 1). GPS Navigation System - Ideal GPS Vehicle Tracker. Retrieved May 1, 2012, from http://www.apsense.com/article/gps-navigation-system-ideal-gps-vehicle-tracker.html
Great Technology Quotes and Sayings. (n.d.). Retrieved from Great Technology Quotes and Sayings: http://voices.yahoo.com/great-technology-quotes-sayings-5759728.html?cat=15
MRT Supports Unending Innovations for Modern Technology in Mass Transport Systems. (n.d.). Retrieved from MRT Supports Unending Innovations for Modern Technology in Mass Transport Systems: http://loadxtreme.ph/new/articles/MRT-Supports.html
Pond, M. (2013, April 8). Advantages of Technology in Education. Retrieved April 8, 2013, from https://exploreb2b.com/articles/advantages-of-technology-in-education
Vincent, J. (2013, June 5). Japanese 311mph maglev bullet train tested successfully . Retrieved June 5, 2013, from Japanese 311mph maglev bullet train tested successfully : http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/japanese-311mph-maglev-bullet-train-tested-successfully-8645369.html
Wilson, J. L. (2013, August 8). Retrieved August 8, 2013, from http://www.itproportal.com/2013/08/08/the-best-ipad-communication-and-social-apps/
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Knight Dragon, here to review as requested!
(Please bear with any incorrect coding.)First off, welcome to YWS! Now, for the review.
This sentence is really wordy. And the "who talks about the existence of technology" is unnecessary.
Better written as "Lots of inventions have made a great impact on every human being."
"portray" isn't the right word for that. "plays" would be better.
, delete the "the" in front of "Microsoft Word".
, get rid of the apostrophe.
should be "since it allows a person to have access to a wide range"
"Other advancement in" should be "Another advancement in"
"In addition is the Maglev Bullet Train in Japan that uses technology in place of wheels..." This reads awkwardly. Try revising it or cutting out some phrases.
"As stated by Ankur". Don't tell us he stated something. Quote what he said.
"... that were numerous to count." should be "that are too numerous to count."
"Remember, the day we started to use technology have improved our lives. So, would you imagine a life without the presence of technology?" Delete "Remember", and that last sentence. And change "have" to "has."
Hope this helps!
Let me just say thanks for the request. It doesn't happen to me often, but when it does I am always pleased.
I agree with many of the points you made. You were very clear and precise, presenting your opinion and supporting it with facts. However, the way that you worded some things is a little on the funky side, and you made a few small grammar mistakes.
We are not on the modern era, as saying this would imply that we are able to be on it.
We are in the modern era.
Now, technically speaking, this sentence is perfect. However, you want your essay to be the best that you can be, and that includes using very good grammar.
I would have said something along the lines of,
"Many inventions have been created that have made a great impact upon humanity."
Same basic statement, different wording to make it a little more polished.
I don't like the word, "nowadays" because it feels a little rough. Replacing it with, "today," or another synonym would be a little better.
And there is a missed spacing.
Anything underlined can be cut out, for the words are rather unnecessary. Anything bolded was added or edited.
By saying portrays, you are saying that technology shows a big part in modern education. The word, "plays," or something similar in meaning would be more appropriate.
You don't need to say, "more," twice so close together. Some of the words were not really needed, and others simply can be changed.
Repetition can be a good thing, or it can be a bad thing. Saying "takes" twice with less than three words between them is not a good thing. "Requires," or "less time is needed" would be a little better in place of the first usage.
The biggest issue in your next two paragraphs. The first sentence, the transition sentence makes it seem like you are comparing and contrasting the impact that technology has had on these three areas, instead of explaining the impact that it has had. That is how you presented your thesis in the first paragraph. You introduced this to us as an explanatory essay.
You need to find better transition sentences. "On the other hand," and "However," don't work.
The content that you have in your concluding paragraph is good, but you need to reword a lot of it. Go over it once or twice, and edit it as much as you can. Don't include a question at the end, because you are supposed to be giving the answers, not asking them. And I noticed that you said, To sum up. In an essay, that is not a good thing to do. You should think about changing it.
Overall, I thought that you did a good job of presenting and supporting your statement. You just need to work on it a little more, and watch your wording.
Everything that I say in any of my reviews is a suggestion. You are the author and you have the final say. I only hope that I have helped you in some way.
KnightTeen
Wow, this is really well-written. Good job!
Take with salt; mind the edges.
This is not a correct title. What I think you mean: "The Countless Uses of Technology." A title is not meant to be a complete sentence necessarily, but an extended noun - for instance, "Atticus Finch & Dinosaurs" or "The Jellyfish" are both perfectly fine titles.
Everything in red is wrong.
In yellow (EDIT: yellow looks terrible. I changed it to orange.): There is a much better, concise way to reference quotations: " 'We are changing the world with technology.' - Bill Gates." That's it. All the other information in that sentence is unnecessary. As a matter of fact, most of it detracts from your essay because it is unimportant to your argument.
The majority of the revisions I will suggest follow the basic rules outlined here. Delete unnecessary words. Make simple sentences. Complicate your structure. "Subject + Verb + Noun" - the basic English sentence - does not have a space for prepositions - so don't use them unless you absolutely must.
But also use them correctly when you must use them - you misuse "on" in the second sentence. "On" should be "in" (which is green).
(Most) everything in red, broken down by sentence:
Improper grammatical format - Suggest "We are now in the modern era, where technology is everywhere"; "delineates" is incorrect diction - it does not mean what you think it means - suggest replacing with "plays"; "in our lives" does not say anything - delete it; tense disagreement in "Lots of inventions were made...," and it is too wordy - what you are saying can be condensed to something like "Many inventions impact our everyday lives;" incorrect verb - "People nowadays are dependent on technology;" non sequitur - the next sentences do not follow. See Transitions and try to make sense of what I'm saying here. If your sentences are not well-connected, your argument does not get across, and your essay is moot.
For the next paragraph, I am going to show you the revisions I would make in a very literal sense and explain them in (parenthetical text). Things in green are inserted or changed. Things that are struck out are deleted. Things surrounded in square brackets are single-letter revisions - for instances, capitalizing a word. Try to apply the revisions I make below and above to the rest of your essay.
Okay. I'm not finishing your essay - it's a valiant effort, but it is also a lot of effort to point out all this nuanced and specific mistakes. I suggest you revise using the rules I have outlined and linked to above, then repost this piece. I strongly encourage you to notify me, and I would love to read it again and help fix up those nagging errors and sillinesses that remain. I somewhat assume that you, as I assumed of the other writer of a Technology article, have learned English as a second language. If so, this is really a very admirable, very good start. You have much room for improvement, but your information is quite good.
Keep on.
~Skorlir
The Messenger Knight, here to review as requested.
So this was one of the best of the 3esaays I've reviewed so far. It had a few mess-up, and maybe some missing commas, but I'm not very good at finding punctuation problems. So, the only line that really stuck out is this one:
This is written wrong. May I show you how I would write it?
"Technology has changed our lives in so many ways that are more numerous than we can count."
Hope that helps. Also, right above that line you have the word destiny, that should be changed to destination.
I really liked the essay, and it was very well done with minimal errors. Good job.
Keep it up!
Starting your essay with Bill Gates' quotation, and your talking about technology was a great job. As we all know that the guy himself contributed much on technology. Though he's not the only one, he's still the most popular and did a big contribution in terms of modern technology.
I agree with the other comments regarding misused words, but overall, your essay was awesome. Keep it up and good luck!
Starting your essay with Bill Gates' quotation, and your talking about technology was a great job. As we all know that the guy himself contributed much on technology. Though he's not the only one, he's still the most popular and did a big contribution in terms of modern technology.
I agree with the other comments regarding misused words, but overall, your essay was awesome. Keep it up and good luck!
Thank you. It will help a lot.
Thank you. It will help a lot.
Hi there! I like you title "Proving at present the countless use of technology". It is nice and your points are clearly explained. Your citations are also correct. Even though it is simple, for me it is meaningful because of lots of information were cited that helps me better understand what it is all about. You have a future! Nice job.
Good choice of hook because it is a quotation from a well known person. You have clearly explained the uses of technology in the fields of education, transportation and communication. I also liked the your conclusion especially the question. I know that any person who will read this will be challenge in thinking an answer on your question.
Nice essay! Keep it up.
Hi there Jayla and welcome to YWS! Niteowl here as requested to comment on this essay.
Overall, I thought you did well. It was well-structured and you used specific examples for each category. Just some things to point out with word choice.
I don't think "delineates" is the right word here. The definition of "delineate" is "describe or portray (something) precisely", which doesn't seem like what you're saying. I think "Technology plays a big role in our lives." would fit better.
In your third and fourth paragraphs, you use the transition words "On the other hand" and "However". Those can be great in essays, but they're usually used to introduce something that disagrees with what you just said. Here, you're showing three separate ways technology has improved our lives. They're different, but they're all supporting your main point. Better transition words could be "In addition" or "also".
Overall, this was a good essay. Welcome again and good luck on your assignment!
Nice essay!
Here are just some comments.
I just noticed the second sentence you had,
"This is a line of Bill Gates from the website of great technology quotes and sayings who talks about the existence of technology" I think "who" should be "that" because I guess you were pertaining to the website, not Bill Gates.
I agree with the other reviews regarding some of minor grammar correction.
But then, you have a nice choice of words. Job well done! Your essay is great!
Hi JaynethJayla,DK here with review on your wonderful essay.
I really like the quote you gave to define the existence of technology in modern man's life.Furthermore, you quote it from a man who is well known and genius inventor, Bill Gates.
In the contents of your essay, you have divided the importance of technology to a number of areas including education, communication and transportation and etc..It's a good essay that can prove existence of the importance of these technologies to a specific areas.
Your essay managed to convey the information to the reader with the important points that you've built into every paragraphs. I just think that the first paragraphs is quite long with the a stuffed information only and eventually causing confusion. You are supposed to centered at one point only and provides insight on the contents that you will write.The rest is okay.
A bit correction on grammar and word choice;
#
~However used when you are saying something that seems surprising after your previous statement, or that makes your previous statement seem less true.
This is mean,'however' is not fit through this statement.Try 'in addition'.
*Try: "allows a person to" or "allows the person to"
You're likely missing an article in this phrase. An article serves as a marker letting the reader know how many (or which) of the noun you're referring to.
Keep it up!This is a good essay anyway
kudos,cheers.
Very well said. Not bad. Thanks for the info.
keep up the good work.
Nice essay.
Heyy there! Welcome to YWS!! Here is SapphireFlames to the review!
Fourth of the day and Technology again! Anyway, review is more important!
I liked the way you have explained all the uses of technology is all sectors in the modern era!
I liked the education part of it and all the words that you have chosen to explain.
"Technology portrays a big part in the modern field of education. Distinct programs were created that helps students to learn more in a more convenient way. One of these programs is the Microsoft Word which is used to take notes, create a presentation or make a chart or graph. It is helpful in classes and takes less time to take notes than writing on a notebook. Educational applications and games help students’ access information easily and play games while learning. Encyclopedias and dictionaries are examples of educational applications that can be downloadable in different technological devices which help learners make information handy (Pond, 2013) while Typer Shark is a game that enhances typing skills and speed by entering the words as quickly and accurately as possible. There are also courses in line with technology. Like what Borade (2012), Information Technology (IT) is one known course which includes storage and protection of content, processing and transmitting of dedicated information and the secured retrieval of information".
it was indeed a very informative piece.
I also like the question that you posed to the readers at the end of you're article.
Overall I liked you article it is well-written and is in a good format.
Keep writing and looking forward for more articles and discussions like this.
Good luck!
Have a nice day!
FuturAuthor,
SapphireFlames.
Good choice of words. Keep it up.
Very good. You did a good job, good luck
Very good. You did a good job, good luck
Your essay is interesting. I like the way on how you did your essay. Keep it up!
Hey there! I will be reviewing your article today.
Comments
Very good. You did a good job in explaining yourself through the different ideas of technology and how they are very helpful. There are just a thing or two I would like to point out.
Good job for using quotations and I like the hook. Very interesting!
To me, this sounds like it should be "students" instead of "student"
Over all
You did a wonderful job, I love how you add your citations at the bottom! It shows that you did your research very well and you know exactly what you are talking about. I see how you use a lot of logical ideals. I would of added some pathos in there. Pulling at the reader or audiences emotions a bit, though it doesn't seem that you really need it in this article. I am very pleased with this and glad that I have read your article! If you have any questions or anything like that, feel free to send me a message. Thank you for your time,
~Onyx
Great essay!
) Keep it up