Hello! Leya here to review!

So, from what I understand this is an autobiography. I like how you introduced myself, and the first few sentences are truly captivating and grabbed my attention straight away!

There are a couple grammar mistakes I caught, such as a few commas missing or periods missing (run on sentences).

I've been through plenty of ¨Phases¨ like when my parents would ask me at age 5 I´d say I'd wanna be a paleontologist who studies fossils, around age 10-12 I always had the typical dream of becoming a famous YouTuber moving to L.A.

This is a run-on sentence. Add some commas and a period in between these statements.

Correction:

I've been through plenty of ¨Phases¨, like when my parents would ask me at age 5 [what I would want to be when I grew up.]I´d say I'd wanna be a paleontologist who studies fossils. Around age 10-12, I always had the typical dream of becoming a famous YouTuber moving to L.A.

When read out loud, this sounds a lot smoother. There are a couple other sentences in this that are similar, so I'd double check that.

I did enjoy the ending. I think this is a wonderful idea, and I can't wait to read the next chapters! Happy Writing!

Hello friend!
Welcome to YWS! I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out.


Per my interpretation, this is going to be a very vulnerable piece. It is going to focus a lot on depression and the messages that come from it for family and other important people in your life, seemingly taking a more inspirational route, almost as if you're trying to uplift others while telling your story.


If I could offer any sort of advice, I think it would be most focused on your grammar and sentence structure. There are several spots with run-on sentences, odd capitalizations, and a lack of useful punctuation.

For example you stated,

I've been through plenty of ¨Phases¨ like when my parents would ask me at age 5 I'd say I'd wanna be a paleontologist who studies fossils, around age 10-12 I always had the typical dream of becoming a famous YouTuber moving to L.A. you probably know the rest getting lots of money getting a big house with my friends.

There are a lot of great things going on in this sentence, but it could also be broken up and changed a little bit to make it a little easier to comprehend.

Here is how I would change the sentence. Changes will be italicized.

I've been through plenty of "phases," like when my parents would ask me at age 5, I'd say I'd wanna be a paleontologist who studies fossils. Around age 10-12 I always had the typical dream of becoming a famous YouTuber and moving to L.A. You probably know the rest, getting lots of money and getting a big house with my friends.

But, obviously, most of these are just suggestions, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, it would have to be the opening line, or the hook, and the very last sentence of this chapter.

Growing up, my parents always told me I would one day change the world.

So again, in this book, you'll find letters compiled together for many special people in my life.

I feel like both of these open up perfectly for a very vulnerable story, as this seems like it's going to be. It also prepares us for what we are to expect throughout this novel and gives us an insight into the inspiration behind why you decided to write it.


Overall, this had a lot of great details and was an amazing setup for what could be a wonderful book! You did a great job with this, and I would like to thank you for taking the time to not only write this but post it as well. I hope you continue to put out the rest of the novel and have an enjoyable time while you do it!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!