Rifted - Chapter V - Dagger

by JayeCShore

Published July 1, 2014

12+

In Rifted

Her clothes draped over her bony frame in ragged wisps, and it was obvious from the various marks and unhealed scars that the men had been having their fun with her. He was surprised, though, that worse had not come upon her.

But he could not know.

His first impression was, of course, that beneath the dirt and the grime, there was an ethereal beauty. He was young, and unaccustomed to seeing women, so it was not surprising. But Kora had also aged beyond his years and his inquisitive mind had been sifting through questions. Questions that needed answering.

I loath them. They are squirming, jumping things which tend to be overzealous and under thought. Answers can be worse, but they are expected, at least.

Obviously she was not of their kind. Her skin, though thickly tanned from the sun and the dust, was far brighter than that of these nomadic tribes. And she lacked the thick brow and jutting chin which characterized them so well. Her face, though slightly masculine in appearance, was slim and curved, with an angled nose and defined cheek bones.

Her hands were tied behind her head to a pole stretching between two pillars, pounded deep into the sand. As she moved they shifted slightly. From the red, tender lines cut into her wrists Kora could see that she had been struggling to release herself, and it told him much. She was not one to give in, even to pain.

He did not blame her.

When she spat, it surprised him. He, who was undoubtedly her savior from these wretched beings, had expected a far different reaction to be sure. But then, after what he had witnessed during the night…. There was little he could be sure of anymore. And for once, he felt he had spoken the truth.

‘Did you come from Darjon?’ He asked her after a moment of reflection. It would make sense, seeing that they had recently returned from the raids on the southern most provinces. And of course, that was their entire reason for coming out here.

Rare, though, that they kept prisoners for this long.

The girl said nothing, only staring and glaring, her eyes shifting from his face to his chest. She seemed to be far more worried about what he was wearing than what, or who he was.

Perhaps, she was not what she appeared to be. Kora wondered if there was some terrible purpose to her begin there. Had she done something wrong? She certainly seemed wild enough. But as he looked, he found himself arguing in the opposite. Whatever the reasons, she was a captive and deserved to be freed. Had she been a man, he may have thought differently.

Drawing a dagger from his belt he moved to her side quickly, fright replacing the anger, then turning to surprise and confusion as the short blade slipped through the knotted cord. She did not move.

The second tie was far thicker, requiring that he hack through it with vigor. There was a tinge of blood there, from all her struggling, and it brought foul specters to his mind, but he forced it down and the last few strands slipped along the knife’s edge, and she was free. Something hard came into contact with the side of his head then. Before there was time to react. The force of the blow knocking him to the ground.

Kora’s instincts caused him to continue into a roll, coming to his feet, his free hand moving to his back to draw his sword. But his arm was wrenched back by his assailant, nearly tearing it from the socket and he was forced to twist to avoid such damage. The dagger was ripped from his fingers, then pressed to his own throat.

Any attempt to move brought further pain.

‘Stop!’ He cried out of desperation. It was a silly thing to say, for this was not some brotherly tussle. But to his surprise, stop it did, only applying enough pressure to his arm and neck to keep him from attempting anything further. Though he was relieved at first, Kora noted with dismay that one of these so called barbarians would not have listened, nor hesitated to make an end of it all.

Something soft brushed against his cheek, teasing it, and he caught a glimpse of the flashing red.

When he looked around the tent, the girl was no longer there.

And it was not as if she could have gone anywhere.

Comments & reviews · 2
TheCrimsonLady wrote a review Review · Jul 1, 2014

Hello, love. Aurora here for a quick review.

Nitpicks first.

I loath them. They are squirming, jumping things which tend to be overzealous and under thought. Answers can be worse, but they are expected, at least.
You switch randomly to first person point of view here. is this the guy's thought? If so, it should be italicized to separate it from the narration.

Obviously she was not of their kind.
You need a comma after 'obviously'.

As she moved they shifted slightly. From the red, tender lines cut into her wrists Kora could see
Comma after 'wrists' as well.

And for once, he felt he had spoken the truth.
This should be after he has spoken, not before. It doesn't make sense :).

Perhaps, she was not what she appeared to be.
No comma.

And it was not as if she could have gone anywhere.
Switch the 'and' to 'but'.

End of nitpicks.

Great job with this, love.
The only critique I have is that at the very end, you say something about a flash of red, but I don't think you ever said she was wearing a red dress. Great job with the internal thoughts of your MC, though.

Keep persisting, love.
Aurora

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Sampson
Review
Sampson wrote a review Review · Jul 1, 2014

I pick a random story to review, hoping to be entertained and I was certainly not let down. Your wording was superb and the sentences, I feel, were well thought out. You end the piece making the reader want more, something I certainly need to work on, but you have no problem accomplishing. In conclusion I applaud your work and look forward to seeing more of it.



That's how we should measure our lives. Not in distance traveled, or time passed, or worlds conquered, but in moments... and the rush of joy—of grace—that exists within them.
— Megatron (Lost Light, by Roberts, Lawrence, Lafuente)