Published January 2, 2013
Prologue: The Iron Flag
They say the world of the living and the world of the spirits are intertwined, and yet separate, different and yet alike. They say there is a gate to the Spirit World, where you can see it for it’s entire glory, and yet, for it’s entire horrors. This gate has always been called The Iron Flag in every lore ever written. Though it’s never spoken of as far as location or any other detailed information, only the name. Many men have searched for it, never truly understanding what it’s for or what’s possible with it’s finding. Never knowing the answer to the question.......why? They merely seemed entitled or compelled to seek it out. So many lives were ended and so many opportunities wasted in the search for the Iron Flag.
Hundreds and possibly thousands of wars were fought over artifacts that were secretly hoarded after being found. Artifacts that were said to be capable of leading the way to the Iron Flag. Humanity in a whole has never been able to comprehend the rules of the Spirit World, for those who have ventured to it, people called “ Realm Walkers”, have always returned swearing an oath that they can never speak of what they saw on punishment of death.
A oath that has echoed over the years, every word the same, every tone the same, every vision different. Realm Walkers, a people who are born under strange circumstances. Said to be born of the Spirit dubbed, The Spirit Of Life. A spirit no one has ever seen but the Realm Walkers, who describe her as a woman of undeniable beauty, and brilliant intelligence with a radiance unimaginable.
Realm Walkers, a people who are gifted, and yet at the same time cursed. They are the first line of defense against a type of spirit which are vile and dark to the core. They are a different type of darkness, most evil kindred are capable of owning a heart and producing love and kindness now matter how far fallen they have become. These spirits cannot. They are darkness itself, no happiness, no love, only anger and rage, and murderous intent all within a semi-living reality. These spirits can walk within the Spirit World, and The Physical World. They are called the Daakirian. They care nothing for life and all of it’s joys. They only wish to see it’s destruction and once that’s completed, the destruction of whatever remains. Daakirian are a tremendous threat for they can enter the Physical World as well as dwell in the Spirit World though there power becomes limited in the Physical World. They are the prophesied destroyers of the Physical World when it was foretold by the Ancient Ones, a strange race of people who said the Daakirian would one day win the endless war.
The Realm Walkers probe the Spirit World with trusted companions, a people who are called Brothers or Sisters to the Realm Walker. Sometimes childhood friends, sometimes other identities. Only a Brother or Sister of the Realm Walker can follow him or her into the Spirit World.
A Great War is looming, the veil that separates the Physical and Spirit Worlds has begun to thin, more Daakirian are slipping through the cracks, Realm Walkers are increasingly entering the Spirit World to combat their tide while the Living Warriors of the world fight them in the Physical World. Is it enough? Unclear is the answer, only time will tell.......
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
Hey JayBlu,
Keep writing and come back to the prologue when you know what it needs to be. Then you'll know where you can slim it down and where to introduce the personal conflict.
I'm not a huge fan of prologues, I must say, unless they're particularly unique or written in an original way. So you'll have to take that into account when you read my review.
First of all, you've got to have your main hook in mind. A prologue will be the first time a reader sees your writing style and gets an idea of what the book is going to be about. (That is, unless they skip reading it altogether!) The attention-grabbing bit has to come here as well as in the first chapter -- these are the crucial points.
Also keeping a prologue concise is a good idea. Tolkien gets away with rambling prologues that span tens of pages because that's how fiction was written back then. Today you have to play with today's rules. This is something you've succeeded with already because the prologue isn't actually too long. Still I think you could make it even shorter and leave some of the exposition until the first chapter (or maybe even later)!
I'd like you to also consider the point of the prologue. Really it's a place to put all the background information that the reader can't do without. This isn't the place to write things that will become apparent later in the novel -- this is the place for the immediate basics and the foundations of the world.
I like that you've talked about the Realm Walkers and what they can do. That is definitely crucial! And, I guess, you'll probably introduce a character who *is* a Realm Walker in one of the next few chapters. So this is good. What's not so good, however, is the historical aspect. Yes, it's important to know where things began, but not just yet. At the moment, the reader doesn't *care* about the history because they don't know any of the characters yet!
Readers identify the most with personal struggles. Although Lord of the Rings (to stick with Tolkien) is a story about the battle of Good against Evil, one of the main characters is actually an ordinary hobbit who has a home and friends and so much to lose! The personal "micro-conflict" is just as important as the overarching "macro-conflict" -- and so far I don't see any of that. It might be nice to bring in just one character, or maybe two, to show the reader that this is a story about *personal* struggles as well.
See what you think -- ultimately this could all be saved by a really cracking first chapter, but we'll have to see about that.
Take care and happy writing!
Very nice beginning! I really want to know where you are going to go from here. Your words were very descriptive and expressive. I was drawn in and I wanted to read more. It brought up a couple of questions though. Is this happening in our world and timeline, or some other world? That is important so that the reader knows where this is in the present time of our world, or the present time of the world you created. Why is a gate called the Iron Flag? I know you mentioned that it is written that way in every different tale and folklore, but maybe explain why a gate would be called a Flag. Other than that, I'm excited to read more. Happy Writing!