Mind and Matter
Spending our whole lives waiting, we have nothing to remember.
Our minds so focused on what should be instead of what could be, will
be and can be.
Creating our own
play of actions we never take and words never spoken.
Too focused on
what we want, we never pursue what we need.
Saying we don't
believe in things we are too afraid to explore.
Forever expecting
a single soul to alter our perception of our surroundings to make
everything that much brighter.
Waiting for a moment we will be free, unaware we are forever imprisoned by the voice of society.
In a world where physical penetration is a set trend yet the penetration of two souls is considered weak.
Where the mind of a female is too fragile and the mind of a male is too basic.
Yet both minds share a common belief that choosing to share lives with another should be judged on a superficial basis and any emotional conflict should be abandoned at the fire of the first gun.
What happens to us when the shot is fatal?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
I liked the theme of the poem, it kind of reminds me of me, just waiting for something to happen, but not doing anything day to day. The only line that annoyed me was, "Where the mind of a female is too fragile and the mind of a male is too basic." You're generalizing men and women, saying women are fragile, and men are idiots. The rest of the poem was great, "Saying we don't believe in things we are too afraid to explore.' it remind me of people who say aliens, ghosts, or supernatural things are fake, but really afraid of them if they where there, so they assume they're fake for their own sanity. "Forever expecting a single soul to alter our perception of our surroundings to make everything that much brighter." on this, I don't know if you're talking about a God, or a partner. "What happens to us when the shot is fatal." this is most likely my favorite line of the poem, because some shots are fatal, and they forever put a dent on us, like we're a car. "Spending our whole lives waiting, we have nothing to remember." is relatable, people who just sit around their whole lives waiting for something or someone to change the world for them, just staying quiet thinking a miracle will happen out of no where, no, you have to work to do something in the world. "Too focused on what we want, we never pursue what we need." I love this line because it goes along with spending our whole lives waiting. In all, this is one of my favorite poems that I have ever read, and is now in my top 5, great job!
I liked your basic idea, the theme of this poem. We generally just make plans instead of acting upon them. Your poem has focused on that part of human nature which makes it difficult for us to leave our comfort zone and explore. Its bold and refreshing. If you don't mind I wondered if you could help me understand the last lines. I really liked the way you put light on 'the constant waiting.' It was a bold, true and effective poem.
Thank you. The second to last line is basically about how we are focus on how our relationships look and how we only tend to choose "the one" based on physical attributes. I say how conflict should be abandoned because that's too real for one of these perfect relationships that have be spread across social media.
The last line is asking what would you actually do when it all ends between you and a person if it got emotional. This you would have to actually act upon rather than just talk about what you are going to do.