You look across your room, through the window and notice a girl staring directly at you. Wherever your eyes go, hers follow. You look at the blank white walls, so does she. You glance at the straight jacket encompassing her frail body and she does the same. You finish looking at the bland padded around her and look to her face. With short black hair and large hazel eyes, she would be quite pretty if scars didn't run in angry welts down her face like tears. You glare intently at her, determined to her break her stare . For how long you keep her staring, you don't know. All you see are her eyes, struck by the clear depression and the slightly mad glint lurking within them. She blinks and the stare is broken. You look around the room and notice mirrors. Lots of them. Your discovery is interrrupted by a click and opening of door emmbed into the wall. A nurse walks in holding a sryinge, the clear liquid dancing along the container. The nurse has a frosty smile on her face, all white teeth and false happiness. Your eyes are locked onto the girl's again. The nurse stabs the needle clear through the straight jacket and pushes down, the sedative inserting into the girl's veins. You feel a slight pinprick in your arm and gasp. The nurse walks out but not before hitting a little switch. Your eyes and the hazel eyes of the girls begin to droop. Then voices.
"The mirorr treatment seems to be working, at least she isn't breaking down and screaming anymore..."
Before you blackout, you realize the girl with the deep hazel eys and scars across her face, the one wrapped in a straight jacket because of a deranged gleam in her eyes....
that girl is you.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Ohai der
I don't think inserting is really to right word here. Injected? Something like that.
What does the little switch do exactly? What's the importance of it?
Realistic dialogue Jas, that's something you really need to work on love.
I like this ending, although I would like it if you kind of built up to it a little more. The way you wrote it is painfully obvious that she's the girl in the 'window' and I'd really like to see it be a little more veiled. It would add to more of a shock factor at the end too. So yeah that's about it for now!
~Hope
Hi Jasmine. Shubhi, here to help.
I didn't quite understand the meaning of this line. This seemed forced.There are two ways you could've formed the latter part of the sentence. And the current one isn't making any meaning now.
The spelling should be embedded or embed, whatever its you wanna convey.
I loved the dancing part.
Although the last line is a good ending to what could be called an eerie thing but somehow it looks broken off from the last part of the sentence. You should have written, 'is you'. That would've also sounded good.
I liked how you presented the story in second form. Are you gonna continue with this or its the end? If its the end, then it made not much sense. Also, you have used many sentences in this which seemed forced.
Wow. I really liked this story, although it was kind of creepy. I also thought it was interesting to read a story written in second person POV.
I've never seen that before. Very original. To tell you the truth, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. Keep writing!