So I'm writing a novel thing for this contest. This is the first chapter 
I don't like the title so if you could find an awesome one, kudos to you!
~*~
Her hands were stuffed into her pockets, head bent but her eyes were alert. She had the perfect face for her line of work. Bland brown eyes, plain brown hair, not too tall, not too short, nothing really special about her. A forgettable face, one you’d expect to see regularly in Manhattan. Regardless of the models and celebrities, there was another 8 million normal people in the Big Apple with boring normal lives and average faces.
She looked across the busy subway pass, people racing by, ignoring her and each other as usual. Her eyes were wide awake, looking for her next target, even though it was only 6:20 in the morning. Well, she was a New Yorker, and a young one at that, barely 17. She finally saw the two perfect targets. Tourists. Not even trying to hide it with the camera hanging off the woman’s neck and the I Love New York shirt the slightly overweight man was wearing. They may as well been saying ‘Mug Me! I’m a Tourist!’.
She strode across the interpass and stood 6-7 feet away from them, a couple of people in between. She glanced up at the black board held up by two thin wires. So they were either going on the N or the W. Wonderful. She wanted to get into Queens, getting tired of the hustle and bustle of Manhattan, even if that same hustle and bustle helped make sure she was never caught. She knew the consequences of being seen but 3 years of experience reassured her that it would never happen. Of course her thin, quick fingers and fast retreat also made juvie hall seem like a story mothers tell their children when they misbehave.
The bright light at the end of the tunnel and the rushing wind grew until finally the train screeched to a stop. The tourists went in first and she followed, letting a couple of people go before her.
The ride was fairly boring, headphones, conversations or cell phones keeping everyone in the train car occupied. She noticed the tourist couple chattering loudly among themselves, a snippet of the conversation reaching her hoodie covered ears. Non-important things, she decided after hearing the lady babble about the Statue of Liberty, how cheap everything was and how nice the pictures were going to turn out. Wait. How cheap everything was? A can of soda at one of the vendors at the statue was 4.50. For the first time, she really looked at her targets. A diamond the size of a softball was on the woman’s left hand. A Rolex watch with red, blue and green pebbles that suspiciously looked like precious jewels was on the man’s right wrist. Coach bags. Perfect, shiny hair and model white teeth. Other seemingly insignificant little things that proved they were well-tailored. Three years of experience led her to the resolution that they had money.
The train hissed to a stop on Astoria-Ditmars and the tourists bustled off. She followed behind silently. What were these rich fashion-pariahs doing in Astoria? Shouldn’t they be on a yacht heading for the Mediterranean or something?
The couple was going towards the steps and she knew if she was going to do this, she had to do it now. If they went down the stairs, it wouldn’t be as crowded and there would be more of a chance she was seen. She knew that as soon as she did it, she would have to get back to Manhattan. If they truly were as well-endowed as she thought, the man would probably notice the missing wallet sooner than average people. She slipped behind the man and reverted to an old cheap technique; she slid her hand into the man’s pocket and withdrew his wallet then discreetly put it in her pocket. The tourists went on, oblivious to the fact they were just pick pocketed. The wallet was heavy in her pocket and she turned to go to the other side of the station, back to her city.
~*~
I realized that since this is going to be a novel type thing, it shouldn't go straight into the climax immediately. I'm probably going to have another 3-4 chapters then I'll get into the meat of things. Maybe I'll have her almost mugged or something. But that's not the climatic part. I know what I'm doing for that 
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
wow! i like it! so, you said you didnt like the name you had. well, i was thinking after reading this, and here are some of my ideas:
1.Theif of Hearts
2.Empty Pockets
3.Theif Among the People
4.Stolen Fair and Square
well, those were just some quick thoughts...if you need any more help, just PM me. i hope to hear from you! and great job on the book! keep going!
You've gotten some really good advice on ways to revise this, so all I'm gonna say is nice job. This sounds really interesting and I'm curious to see where you take this plot. I think this could still use a bit of revising, though, so just work on tweaking it a bit.
Here is WritingWords, with the super-fast review you requested.
Okay, this was a good start. It would definitely be a book I would read if it was a book. Please PM me when you post more. I think that you overused words. Only a few things happened in this first chapter, except you make it seem so long. Consider reading it over and cutting out the unnecessary parts. Sometimes dragging out the events can make it seem boring, not descriptive.
Also, this part:
I notice the sarcasm here, but you don't need to include the "I'm a Tourist" part. The reader can pretty much tell from the description. Reword this a bit.
Third,
We don't really need to know exactly how many feet away she stood. This isn't a math problem. Try not to include numbers when you write. "A couple people in between" was enough.
Lastly,
This didn't quite make sense to me. If they were rich, then why would they notice if money was taken from them. It wasn't as important to him as to normal, average people.
Overall, this was a really good beginning. PM me when you add more chapters!
Hi Jass. Sorry, I'm a bit late. Though Skins has pointed out almost everything, I would try to give my level best to help you out.
I'll colour what I like in pink, red for something I found wrong with and bold would be my suggestions.
So, to say, I'm a big spy and thief stories fan
Your grammar is pretty fine and I couldn't make out any mistake as such. the spellings were right so what's left to comment on?
You seem to have an obsession with numbers, I guess.
And as for the title..I think Skins is quite right. You should try reading this yourself and then think of a title because we've read only a part of it and don't know the plot much and the climax(if any). We might be able to suggest something after reading more.
Hope I helped you a bit, in anyway. Feel free to PM me on anything you would like to get clarified. This was a good read and I hope you continue it! Please drop in a request you did this time when you post next.
Flying off for now!
#8000FF ">I used way too many smilies!
Lol. Thanks Skins Isha and everyone else who reviewed!
Hey jas!
Here as requested, 'cause I'm cool.
#FF0000 ">Red = Corrections/negatives
#0000FF ">Blue = Things I like
Bold = My comments/suggestions
Overall
I must say, I quite liked this! Your grammar was pretty good and there were no spelling mistakes, none that I could find anyway. You had some very nice descriptions in here as well, they weren't in annoying clumps either; thank God! Your MC was rather entertaining to read about, and I like the fact that we don't know her name, I'm assuming that it's a she anyway. I liked this chapter as a whole, actually.
My main nit-pick is the fact that your sentences can sometimes be a bit on the long side. I think that Isha might have pointed this out, actually. The problem with long sentences is that it stops the story from flowing well. The flow of a story is rather important, otherwise the reader will just get annoyed and give up! That's what grammar does to a story; it makes it flow nicely. Sorting out long sentences isn't hard though at all. All that you really need to do is include the odd comma here and there in your sentences. You can do that or you can split one sentence into two or more sentences, simply by adding some periods. You could also include some semi colons if you want.
My only other real critique is the vagueness of this chapter. Mind you, that could be a good thing, I guess. For example, you didn't mention the main characters name. I actually liked that about your story though! What I would maybe like to know though is a bit of the MC's background. You said that she was seventeen and how long she'd been pick-pocketing, that was good. I'd like to know more though. Why did she start pick-pocketing? Does she have any family or is she homeless? Why does she need to pick-pocket? Is she doing it to support her homeless little brother, or something? These are some questions I have. Although, this is only the first chapter! If you include some of this information within the next few chapters, that would be fine. This is mainly important because if we know the characters better, we can have feelings towards them. The readers can feel sympathetic, they can feel sad, happy, worried. Do you get what I mean?
Although the vagueness thing can be a bit of a problem, it's also part of the reason I liked this! I'm sorry if I'm confusing you with this.
My favourite thing about this chapter was definitely your descriptions. I highlighted the description at the beginning, I really liked that! I thought that it was clever how you were describing someone as being completely normal and average, but you still managed to keep the description interesting and effective. I also liked your description of the tourists, they seemed realistic enough. By the sound of it though (other reviews) they began off rather cliché. Flowery shirts?
Overall, I am definitely glad that you asked me to review this. I liked the idea itself and I am liking your writing style, even if the flow can be a bit awkward sometimes. All that you need to do is consider what us reviewers have suggested, polish this up a bit, and you will end up with a great piece of writing here!
As for the title... hmm... I'm not sure. What I find is that it's easier to figure out a title after you've actually written the story itself. Once you've finished it, you might find it easier to think of a title. I'm sorry I couldn't really help you on that, good luck with it though!
Keep writing and good luck in the competition! If you want another review, you know what to do. Just ask me in my WRFF thread. When you post the next part of this, could you ask me to review it. Pretty please?
Hope I helped,
xoxo Skins
EDIT: Sorry, I've just noticed that this review has dragged on a bit...
OVERALL
I liked this. It's quite descriptive. Sort of vague, but since it's a novel, things get cleared up in later chapters. I like books like that better anyways.
I might shorten up a few sentences, but you can just read through and decide which ones for yourself.
This is very well done. Good work!
I just want to say one thing: about the tourist in the floral print shirt, it's really sad. That's my dad when we visit florida and disneyworld and stuff. I'm hanging my head in shame.
just thought I'd mention that. 
LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET
you should really write more
and i agree with the other guy the tourest part was to cleche
Hey thanks Bond!
Hey there Jas! I noticed this didn't have any reviews, so I thought I'd change that
.
I don't really like how you directly point out that she's a con artist/pick pocket. I think it would be better if you let the reader figure that out on their own.Now this is a little over cliche, and most tourists don't wear that kind of stuff...it's too stereotypical. You can easily spot tourists in New York especially, by the fact that they wear shirts or hats with "I <3 New York" on them, or wherever the place is.
You just said three years...pick one
I really don't like how this ends. First off it's just a kind of drop off ending. Second I think I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen next. Either he's a pick pocket too, or she's going to get into a big thing trying to get him not to tell anyone. Then she's probably going to get involded with the boy right? So I say add more in about her, show her pulling off more cons, then add in whatever boy garbage you want
Good luck and keep writing!
~Hope