Published March 4, 2010
* I personally dfon't like this one that much. I really hate the line, 'Leaving the reason for her existence', because it makes it seem as if that's her father when it's really a boyfriend/husband. This was for an assignment with a bunch of requirements that I only just got them all*
~*~*~
Her steady breathing,
She walks into the distance
Finally letting go;
Leaving the former reason for her existence
Her steady breathing,
His loud calls,
She closes off her mind
Puts up the walls
Her steady breathing,
He is no more than a ghost now
The world calls out to her
She is free of his vows
Her steady breathing,
She closes her eyes and drifts away
Searching her mind for a reason,
Any reason, why she ever stayed
Her steady breathing,
She’s done with his cheating and lies.
She turns a blank page, the rustle of paper
Is the Sound of Goodbye
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140,964 Literary Works • 673,794 Reviews
Oooooh I like cake, and reeeeviews, but I like cake better...There had better be cake at my Hope is epic awesome day >.>
Last line, too wordy it throws off the flow so fix it.Forced feeling, not very creative rhyming.
Why the repetition of 'Her steady breathing'?
I just don't like this stanza xD
This is really the only stanza in this poem that I like, the rhyme is great, I like the meaning behind it, and it flows really well. The others are just kind of bland.
Remember the cake.
~Hope
hi,
I like the poem,It's really good but still I found it a little confusing too.and why did you use the phrase "her steady breathing" so much was it part of the assignment? anyway I think overall it's a really nice poem.Your writing is wonderful.keep it up.
......july......
Firstly, i want to say that poem is good but middle in the reading i found myself in confusion, don't know where?
One line i don't understand.you also gave explanation but i did not get after reading.
The line is "Leaving the former reason for her existence."
Carry on your writing.I like your Poem as if it similar to my one life's day of my love...