Hello my name is Jane Doe. I live in Somewheresville, USA near the corn fields and the big city. I go to school with you, have two parents like you and watch television, just like you. I may seem unfamiliar but you know me, you’ve known me all your life. I am just as regular as the blue sky or the green grass.
But of course what would life be if everything stayed regular?
Life will soon change for the better. Well, in my perspective anyway. Don’t worry, you and the rest of your normalcy will be fine. For a while.
One day, you will be taken to a special fun place where the sun always shines and the clouds are always blank, bright white.
Then….then you’ll be living in hell.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayyy...well this certainly catches my eye right away here with this piece. It seems oddly small for a prologue and yet it seems like one of those prologues where there is more than just a single meaning, especially if you read the piece a couple of times and really try and analyze things beyond just what we have right on the surface there.
At first glance it seems to be speaking about this one person and their journey somewhere and its hard to judge whether they're trying to mention going to heaven or to hell or whatever is happening there, but one thing that is quite clear is that they are certainly going somewhere besides just the normal world from the way things are written here.
Overall, its certainly also a bit of a thought provoking opening here and those work out very well, especially in the role of a prologue since as a reader you're more interested than ever in reading on to the story itself as you want to see if your interpretations were in fact correct. On the whole, I'd say this is a somewhat short, but nonetheless fairly effective prologue here, all you could do is perhaps flesh out some of these parts a bit more and it'd be even better.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
hey bond,
its supposed to seem like heaven but its not. that's all I'll say for now
Alright Jasmine, you're so on.
Alright, so it seems like an okay prologue, the beginning I thought was pretty good, although I really disliked this line.
I really didn't like it at all...I don't know why, but it just doesn't fit. Try something else.
This is supposed to be heaven right? That's what I got from it, I'm not even that sure of it. I think you need to do a little better job of clarifying what you're trying to describe to us, especially since this is so short.
Anyway this could turn into something interesting, I'd like to see a first chapter and see where you go with this...Keep writing.
Hello ^-^. I am Otaku and I'll be your reviewer for the day ^-^.
To get started, I'll read through and edit in my thoughts (what I commented on is in the spoiler).
Spoiler
At first I was thinking to myself that this was going to be a bland prologue, and then I knew I had thought wrong. I loved how you made a sense of a parallel between the reader and your character in the first paragraph. It was perfectly done, except that you needed a few commas here and there. The problem is with the bottom half. Your foreshadowing is just a but too dense to the point where it becomes repetitive and the reader goes "Okay, I get it, something bad is going to happen! Now get on with it!". I really can't help you correct it, but keep the line with the word "normalcy" in it. I like it.