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Canary word: Present
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Again, don't let rhyme force your poetry, poems do not need to rhyme.
As for your friend, they should make an account here, if they want to post. =) I am pretty sure they'll be welcomed.
Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.
Hello there
Well, I am going to be very honest. This poem does not really tell a story. I don't feel anything. It is like reading a bunch of facts in a textbook. There is no flow or connection of the ideas, and everything is just disjointed for me.
The first paragraph though had something going.
This is a great start. But then after that everything sort of went down hill. I did not get the overall message of the poem. The rhyming also started to become forced, so to speak. I think your friend should definitely read more poetry and also keep on writing because there is definitely some potential here.