D is for Difficulty

Hey,
I LIKED THE FEELING IN THIS POEM. It was good. Just a few things.

Jannie wrote:
I find it hard to move around.
I find myself constantly looking over my shoulder.
I find this situation to be unbearable.

I think I live in constant fear,
I think I am the epitome of a scared child.
I think I need to run away.

Run away from the thickness of the emotions.
From the rules and regulations of a militarized home.
From the tight grip on my shoulder.

I find it hard to move around.

I find myself constantly looking over my shoulder.

I find this situation to be unbearable.

[WHOAA, you nearly bored me to death here, no offense. I feel like I need a much stronger hook from you.]



I think I live in constant fear,

I think I am the epitome of a scared child.

I think I need to run away.

[this i think thing really doesn't work out in my opinion. thats like me saying I THINK I WANT TO EAT CHICKEN WINGS TODAY BUT HMMM WHO KNOWS? I THINK ILL GROW FEATHERS AND FLAP AROUND TODAY! it makes your piece sound shakey and undecisive which is something readers dont want because that makes it sound like that even your unsure of your own piece, which just wont do.]



Run away from the thickness of the emotions.

From the rules and regulations of a militarized home.

From the tight grip on my shoulder.

[nice last line here however you realize you don't need a period at the end of every line? it ruins the flow of the piece for me.]



I am seventeen and still I am scared. [i feel like this line should go more like "i am seventeen and still scared" it seems to flow a lot better."

This is something bigger than you can imagine. [bigger is honestly a grade 2 word. one word for you: thesaurus.]

This fear consumes my days and tear filled nights. [tear-filled?]



“IT” suffocates me little by little. [little again, a grade 2 word]

Depriving me of inner peace.

Depriving me of a sense of normalcy. [nice line however the repeat of the word "depriving" deprives me of interest.]



I am scared and “IT” is difficult to deal with. [scared, second grade word]

But a little more struggle and I’ll be over “IT”. [little, second grade word]

I’m growing up and even “IT” cannot stop that. [i am unsure about the term "growing up". Again, it seems to reflect on poor word choice or vocabulary.]



I’m growing up and soon I can fly away.

A little more sleepless nights and little more fright filled days. [you used the whole "filled" concept again. repetitive.]

A little more and then the “Difficulty” will be gone..





Overall: Very repetitive. I'm sorry to say this but you word choice needs a lot of help. Words like "little" and "big" are no longer acceptable. My, according to your profile you are 17! I am only 13 and I already know that. Also, the "IT" concept really does not word for me because the entire time i don't know what it is and what you are going through that is so "difficult" so I just can't connect to the piece which brings it down a HUGE notch for me. It needs word but I actually didn't think it too be too horrible. It was actually a good idea and you were probably just feeling too many emotions to put it all down on paper at once. Of course, many poems start off like this. It's okay. I think your puncuation and hook need big rethinks as they are both a bit boring for me and just plain. They do nothing to me to make me really interested in the piece. Pm is you have further questions or want some more of my opinions, I'm glad to help.
4/10

HAHA.
yeah, i realized that yesterday.
tsktsk.
thanks for pointing it our...

Heyy!nice poem!You've described the emotions pretty well!! I see a couple of mistakes though..I'm pointing them out,don't mind!

Jannie wrote:

A little(FEW) more sleepless nights and little(A FEW) more fright filled days.
A little(FEW) more and then the “Difficulty” will be gone..