Published May 4, 2010
I tried to zone out into the cool darkness of my bedroom, but nothing helped keep out the noises I heard downstairs. I tried to cover my face and ears with one of my barely visible white pillows, but nothing helped. I could still hear the echoes from the screaming downstairs, making its way through the holes and crevices in our house’s walls.
“I can’t believe you Jonathan! We’re barely able to pay the mortgage and the taxes, and you go out and buy a motorcycle?”
“I needed some cheering up Winona! You know I’ve always wanted a bike, and when Richard down the block was selling his Harley, I made an offer. An hour later, it was mine.”
“This bike is only gonna make the bills worse! We barely have enough money to buy groceries, even with welfare! Do you want us to have to go to a soup kitchen for all our meals?”
“I’ll work some extra shifts at the garage! It’s simple….”
“Crap! You paid for this bike with the money from our savings fund! What if we have to declare bankruptcy? Huh? What are you gonna do now?”
“You’re a fricken crazy woman Winona Jean! I told you, I’ll work extra hours at the garage!”
The yells, screams, and hisses continued to drone through the cracks between the two floors, making it almost impossible to concentrate at all without hearing the fight. I rolled over and stared at my plain dresser, my shirts neatly folded in one drawer, my jeans and shorts in another. I had found a blue framed mirror at the Salvation Army a year ago and tried to nail it to the wall, but it hung at an angle, making the mirror look incredibly lopsided. The bedposts on my bed were old, the edges wearing away with the years. My bed sheets were dirty too, but I couldn’t wash them now, we didn’t have enough money to go to the Laundromat.
I stared around my room and realized that we hadn’t just started being poor, we had always been poor. I realized it was a bit like my parents fighting, they hadn’t just started, they had always fought.
I tried to close my eyes as the darkness blanketed my senses, but sleep never came to me. Every word my parents said, every sound flooded my distant consciousness. I realized that everything they said, it hurt me. Their words hurt like nails against my skin, blood pouring out of my veins.
I opened my eyes again and gazed at the white ceiling, feeling wet tears flood my eyes. I remember an old saying my teachers used to say when I was in elementary school.
“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words may never hurt you.”
I heard loud clanging sounds from downstairs and realized what was happening now.
They had started throwing pots and pans like they usually did when an argument went past half an hour. I could hear what was left of my grandmother’s old china breaking against the kitchen wall.
The saying pounded through my head again, as it repeated over and over in my mind.
"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words may never hurt you.”
"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words may never hurt you.”
I analyzed the sentence and felt the tears building up in my eyes slowly fall down my cheeks. I knew that whoever came up with that saying was wrong. Dead wrong. If that person had been hearing what I was hearing then, they would’ve regretted what they’d said.
Words were all I could hear. Words about how our family was so poor. How our family had so many problems. Our family was slowly tearing itself apart, because of words.
Sticks and stones may hurt you, I thought, but words hurt you so much more.
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
-don't look-
LOVE the last line
!!
Born presses 'like'.
hey, d.f.b. here! i loved this piece. it was short, but you made it really good to make up for that. i could imagine the characters room, his house, his parents. i could hear the screams in my own head as i read it. i also loved how you explained that last part, and how in the in you interpreted the saying about sticks and bones. that just fit perfectly with the story. this was a wonderful piece, very well constructed, and you had a good use of metaphor and description. you also chose a very good thing to write about, being poor. i loved this piece. - d.f.b. out! keep writing!
Wow. This was really good.
Even thought you don't know much about the character like her age or even if she's a girl but without knowing any of that, I feel for her. You used great descriptions to really pull at the reader's emotions.
I love that she comes to a realization that everyone eventually comes to but for a different reason. Words hurting is something we all realize eventually but this is a unique way to have someone reach that point.
Overall, I really liked it and would read more if you posted it. Very nice.
-Tori
A very touching story indeed! The title acts quite effectively too and it was the title that made me read this piece. The last line is undoubtedly my favourite
Keep it up!
x
Hello Jane,
I really enjoyed what you've produced here. It's a very claustrophobic piece of writing which does what it sets out to do, to put you in the mind of the protagonist and for you to experience everything they do as if you were them. As mentioned previously, the lack of name and description of the main character is a major catalyst to this.
The dialogue is believable and direct. However, the exchange between the two parents could of been aided by some minute description of their tones or just general atmospheric relevance. Obviously, in this type of short story the whole "he said/she said" device would be unrealistic to use, but a quick comment after one or two of their lines of dialogue would have benefited the reader. A little something like;
“I’ll work some extra shifts at the garage! It’s simple….”
As he snarled out those words I'd heard so many times before, I knew where this argument was going.
If I was more awake I would of given a better example, but I'm sure you get the point. I know when you hear people shouting, the automatic reaction is to just listen, but for the reader we need to know you're still there and we want to know what you're thinking.
To end on an extremely positive note, I liked the use of the cathartic sentence half way through the story. It was extremely poignant and added a lot to the situation.
"I stared around my room and realized that we hadn’t just started being poor, we had always been poor. I realized it was a bit like my parents fighting, they hadn’t just started, they had always fought. "
You could end a story with that beauty, but it worked even better in the middle.
Again, a very well done.
That's pretty strong... and I completely agree. I couldn't find any errors to pick out, probably because there was none.
And I really liked the setting and the POV you wrote the story in.
This was a really awesome piece! I think it flowed and made sense, there's a hint of mystery as to who the main character is until it's noted that it's the kid. I like how you used the saying "Sticks and stone may break your bones, but words may never hurt me". It's very creative to use a saying to create a story! Good Job and keep up the good work! If there was a sequel/ second part, I would read it
Might possibly post a second part to this....maybe..
And this post is still going strong....Thank you!
-Jane
Jane:
Okay, this story was absolutely fantastic. Totally meaningful, thoughtful, and with a moral! I loved this, and couldn't stop reading it!!!
I made no note of any spelling, grammatical, etc., errors. You are really a very talented writer-- though I'm sure you've heard that before. Pleeeease keep posting! If you ever need a review, send me a message with the link, and I'll review as soon as I can. Thanks so much, and keep on rollin'!
-Elfy
I wanted to thank you for reading my piece. I only stopped there b/c I didn't know what else to add that's all. But i liked your piece a little long but other than that it was really good I must say. It would seem you are quite the writer. Keep it up I look forward to reading more of your work.
Wow, I really like this, and I can definately relate (although I suppose that's not a good thing...) I agree, too: words are the greatest weapon anyone can possess. My only critisism is maybe telling us a little more about what she's thinking and feeling; you give us some insight but I think you could give us a little more.
In any case, good job.
WoooHoo! 200 views! Thanks everyone for continuing to read this story!
This was a really good story!!
I think you should add more detail on how she feels, does he want to run down and stop the fighting? Can she? Will she get hurt if she does so? How does she feel about her grandmother's stuff being broken? How does she feel about having to get stuff from the salvation army? You should develop your charictore more. What his her name? Her age? What does she look like? Otherwise it is a very good story, but you kind of rushed it!
-KAH
I quite like this piece. Thats what I am going to do! Click the like button!
Hi!
I really really liked this story! I like the rhythmic feel of the saying. Such an old saying-one that every child hears many times, but used in an unusual context. I'm surprised. Usually it is used as an antidote against bullying. Here, words hurt indirectly. If you chose to continue this, I would love to hear what comes next! I might be overly optimistic, but you might give it something of a hopeful note at the end...no idea how though. I'm sure a skilled writer like yourself can figure it out!
Loved your story!
Sarebear
Thanks for all the reviews everyone!!! I'm very happy that this story happens to be FEATURED right now!!!
My first FEAUTURED story since I joined! Thanks for reading, commenting, and liking!!!
Hello, Jane!
] people who prefer the main character to remain nameless and vague if a story's written in first person, so I like what you've done with it there.
For starters, I really enjoyed reading this piece. The concept was fascinating and I was kind of hoping that you would continue this but the shortness of it is part of its appeal.
I'm one of those [rare?
Nitpicking here, but it gets drawn-out for me when there are three or more adjectives attached to a noun without commas in between. Personally, I think the sentence would flow better if there were breaks between the words.
I'd like to say that I especially enjoyed this section. The way you described the history behind the objects were a nice change from the on-going narration.
And that's all I can spot! Your writing has a hard-hitting style. All in all, this is a great story.
Keep writing!
Hey Jane!
A good story... really! Very true and poignant, especially in times like these. Plus, it's written well, which is always a bonus.
My main advice for this story would be to slow down the ending, when she is thinking about the saying. Right now, she seems to go to the conclusion too fast, and I would to see her lead us into her conclusion more.
Still! Good job! Very nice story.
Hello there, Jane!
First of all, I really liked this piece. It had a good flow. It was some kind of a dark story for me. Really liked the last line.
Just a small mistake here.
Also, I would be on the realistic part, (on my perspective)the MC's parents were throwing vases and pans. You stated here that they're poor, so why would they still throw stuffs while arguing?
Aside from those things, you did a good job! You write it very well and I felt sorry for your MC,
Keep up the good work!
Peace out!
I really liked this, especially the quote I've never heard it before.
One thing though, you should have at least entered the main characters name into the story... added a more horrible conflict including the main character. I think it would add a better affect on the readers(well that's what I think and what do I know).
Oh, and another thing I noticed you always use I for the beginning of your sentences(and I think that's pretty annoying). I would like to give you something my writing taught me this year(really helped me out). He made my class do a T-Chart and write down all the beginning of our sentences and made us add new transitions for them.
Well I hoped I helped you out with my babbling.
-fRiEs
this is really good. is is going to continue or is this it? if it continues i'd love to read it.