Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
I've been through packs among packs of cigarettes. My weak lungs have had more smoke enter them than they can handle. I've drank myself away. I've made my skin a canvas, more blood draining out with each new cut. I have burns throughout my skin. I've destroyed myself in every way I know how. Anyway I'm capable of doing, I will go to any extent to escape in the meantime ruining myself from the inside & out. But the most destructive thing I have done to myself, the one thing that has put my body through the most pain it's ever witnessed. Causing permanent damage. So destructive it makes everything else seem so petty. I let myself fall in love. I let myself get ruined by a four letter word and one person. One person could destroy me more than anything else ever will. It's crazy how I get addicted to so many things to take my pain away yet one of the main sources of pain is coming from my heart. Falling in love was an escape, I felt so free. To be so raw and open with someone. To show them every part of you, to let them in to the deep broken mess within you believing they could help straighten out the clutter. To give yourself away in every way known to man. It was escape. Until the rage filled his face and the imprints of his hand around my neck and down my body. Until she's giving her body to someone else behind my back. Until you feel so worthless at the end of the day knowing that your best isn't good enough. Giving every inch of you, every waking moment of your life to someone wouldn't think twice about hurting you again. How could you hurt someone so much they have to destroy themselves to escape the pain you caused? The pain that not even the strongest of drugs could heal, the pain that not even the most alcohol consumed can heal, the pain the deepest of cuts can't heal. If I could fix one thing in my whole body it wouldn't be my lungs nor my scars, it would be the shattered mess in my chest where my heart used to be. I can't say its a heart because you can't call a shattered window a window it is just a pile a sharp jagged pieces of glass. No window to allow light into my darkness. Self destruction comes in all shapes and forms, but something that will forever ruin me is falling in love. At this point I feel as if my ability to be loved and fixed has diminished to a nothingness, nothing. Just like love made me feel like, nothing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This such a depressing story and it did tug at my heart strings. I love the amount emotion here in this paragraph. The mood and tone is set perfectly and it seems very realistic and relatable to other who gone through this pain.
There are a technical error I would like to point out.
"But the most destructive thing I have done to myself, the one thing that has put my body through the most pain it's ever witnessed." and "Causing permanant damage." are both incomplete sentences.
Then I would like to say nobody likes blocks of paragraphs.
But other than that great job and keep writing.
Hi JamesLB and welcome to YWS!
Just like Elizabeth said, I also think that you did such an outstanding job at setting the mood. The emotions throughout this piece are so raw and overwhelming that I got goosebumps reading it! The whole piece flows so smoothly.
Although I have one critique.
I think you could separate this into several paragraphs so that the readers won't have a hard time reading it:
"I let myself fall in love."
This line seems like a good paragraph start since you're transitioning to another subject.
Overall, you did great. I'd like to read more from you so keep writing!
Hello JamesLB! This is Sylar reviewing for Reviewing Ravens! This is going to be a short review.
I thought this was a really amazing piece. This piece was so gut-wrentching and emotional, but it wasn't over dramatic. That's a great quality to have as a writer. As I was reading, I thought to myself "It feels like a monologue." It would be an amazing thing to write into something like a play/stage performance.
My only issue with this piece is that you have a few grammar mistakes. Just proof-read again to make sure everything is spelled or punctuated correctly!
Really nice job.
Wow. Being someone who has participated in some of these activities, I feel you did an amazing job setting the mood and the scene from the beginning to the end. It was very realistic, and I felt very emotional throughout (which I believe was your intention). The way you described love was very poetic and realistic in my opinion, and so was how you described the betrayal and heartbreak.