Heather Hall hoped her parents would forget to give her little talking-to. She did not want anything to spoil this exciting day. Ha-ha, I get to ride the bus to school all by myself Heather bragged to her big sister Beatrice, at breakfast. Heather’s stomach felt quivery with excitement at the day ahead, a day that would begin with a bus ride just the right length to make her feel a long way from home. Heather was attending Highland Hills Elementary School. Beatrice was attending Highland Hills Middle School. Last year, Heather was in fourth grade now Heather was excited to experience fifth grade. Beatrice was surely ready to go to the sixth grade and see what a middle school actually looks like. I’ll be joining the cheerleading team this year Heather said sipping her cereal. Beatrice almost choked on her milk. Please, Mom would never let you do that Beatrice nodded. Mrs. Hall sipped her orange juice quickly. Actually, I would let her join it this year the prices went down lower to 82 dollars Mrs. Hall explained. Beatrice had to figure out a way to not let Heather win at this argument. Oh, yeah well I’ll be a majorette Beatrice said. Now, this time Mr. Hall was choking. No, you’re not young lady it costs 200 dollars Mr. Hall nodded. Besides you were on the science team last year Mr. Hall said. It was only thirty dollars a month Beatrice shrugged. Mr. Hall was getting frustrated. Listen, the main thing is you did something once now let your sister do something Mr. Hall claimed. Let your sister do something Beatrice muttered as she poured her milk down the sink. I don’t have to take this I’m going to school Beatrice said as stubborn as she could be. Beatrice opened the door she peeked around the corner and smiled. Heather your bus is here Beatrice called out. The bus was just coming from around the corner it was big and yellow. Heather quickly ran to the door and waved to her parents. Beatrice closed the door behind her. Are you scared Beatrice asked as they began walked to the curb. Heather had to admit she was nervous what if she didn’t see anyone she knew. What if the kids at school didn’t like her? Heather couldn’t tell her sister she was nervous cause Beatrice would tease her every single day. Of course I’m not scared Heather scoffed. I bet I was the only person who grew over the summer Heather said. Oh, really I saw your friend Jessica the other day she looked like a fifth grader, already Beatrice said. Is she going to my school Heather asked with a voice sounding excited. I don’t know I didn’t ask Beatrice wondered. The bus finally started to make a slow stop. Good luck Beatrice smiled. Same too you Heather called out skipping on the bus. When Heather got on the bus she was shocked. All the kindergarteners were filling up all the first rows then came the second graders then came the third graders then came the fourth graders then came the…fifth graders. Heather squeezed in with two girls. Sorry, there’s not enough room on this seat thank you very much the girl beside her said. The girl had long hair brown skin and she had a huge frown on her face. The girl was as tall as a sixth grader. I’m sorry but I have nowhere else to sit Heather excused. Yes, you do on the floor now move it she shouted. Rachel that’s not nice the girl beside the mean girl exclaimed. The girl also had long hair bright skin but she wasn’t wearing a frown or a smile. Oh, what do you know Angel the only think you like to do is sit beside the window Rachel teased. Rachel rolled her eyes back to Heather. Heather wanted to hit Rachel so hard but she barely knew her. By the way I like your shoes Rachel complimented with a half smile. Heather looked down at her shoes. Thank you Heather smiled. Then the smile on Rachel’s face faded away when Heather had turned around. Rachel looked at Angel. Happy Rachel asked. Very happy Angel nodded. The bus stopped in front of a house four minutes after Heather got on. A girl with short hair, white and sort of pinkish skin walked on the bus. The girl looked like a third grader. The girl looked all dressed up and her hair was down but she had a butterfly clamp on her bang. Heather realized that wasn’t a third grader it was her friend Christy. Christy squeezed in with two boys but they didn’t seem to make a fuss. Christy Heather whispered. Christy didn’t seem to hear Heather. Christy flipped her hair. Christy Heather whispered again. Heather sighed giving up. They made more stops at houses, apartments, duplexes, and condos. When they made it to Highland Hills Elementary School some kids ran to the window gasping some just hurried to get off the bus. Heather was hurrying to get off the bus so she could speak to Christy. When Heather jumped off the steps. Christy was looking around searching for someone she knew. As Heather walked to Christy. Christy gasped glancing to the side. Megan Christy yelled. Christy ran to Megan and they began to have a pleasant conversation. Heather groaned dragging her feet as she walked over to Christy and Megan. Heather was not a close friend with Megan of course she knew her, but they hardly talked. Christy and Megan were friends and Heather was okay with that. But Heather just couldn’t stand Megan she couldn’t stand the people Megan hung out with except for Christy. Heather stood right in front of Christy and Megan. Christy stopped talking and looked at Heather. Christy’s mouth hung open. Heather Christy exclaimed hugging Heather. Heather smiled she was relieved to know that Christy wasn’t ignoring her. Oh, my God I haven’t seen you in three months Christy said. I know right Heather nodded. Megan rolled her eyes. Okay, whose classes are you in Christy wondered. Heather pulled out her sheet. My homeroom is Ms. Brown’s class Heather claimed. Oh, my goodness Megan and I are too Christy gasped. Heather had to grin at Christy. Christy seemed so excited about everything. Calm down Christy it’s just school in a couple of weeks you’ll hate it Megan explained. I doubt it Christy scoffed. They walked inside the school building and walked into the school cafeteria. Christy, Heather, and Megan walked into the breakfast line as if they were a clique. Heather noticed that she was taller than Christy and Megan was taller than Heather. Heather was so excited she was wondering if she would be popular or a loser will she like her teacher will some of her old classmates be her in her class? Will Heather will be the same goofy kid she was in fourth grade? Heather just wants to blend in with the popular kids. Heather walked to a table to eat her breakfast. Christy sat beside her and Megan followed. Heather dipped her mini-pancake into her syrup. Then she propped it into her mouth. Christy and Megan giggled staring at Heather. They’re chest started hurting cause they tried to stop from laughing aloud. What Heather asked. Christy dabbed on the side off her own mouth. Heather knew what Christy meant she grabbed a napkin and wiped her mouth. They finally calmed down. I cannot wait to meet my teacher Christy said. I can Megan muttered. Christy was shocked at her friend. Christy never knew Megan would say something so mean. How dare you say a thing like that Christy gasped. Well, it’s true last year I got in trouble on the second day of school Megan said. Christy gasped. No, Christy said. Yes, Megan nodded. Well, I for one am very excited Heather nodded. I am too Christy agreed. My Mother should be in the classroom have a conference with the teacher right now Christy moaned looking at the time. Heather was almost finished with her pancakes. Let’s hurry and meet your Mom Heather urged. Christy scoffed rolling her eyes. No, way it’s bad enough that she’s already here Christy said. I am certainly not going there so she can embarrass me Christy nodded. Why is she here anyway Heather wondered. Putting in a good word on me saying how I’m a straight A and B student none or the less Christy nodded. She’s probably telling her I achieve good behavior and I never get yelled at Christy said. She’s also telling her that I may have to use the bathroom a lot doctor’s request Christy explained. The lunch supervisor began to call all the grades from kindergarten and up. She called them in line by sections and sent them to the class. Heather was happy when she heard the fifth graders were upstairs. Finally, the lunch lady called 5th grade and they all lined up. Heather’s heart pounded as she walked down the hall. The little kids like the second graders and under looked around the school as if they were in a mall searching for they’re parents. Heather opened the door to the stairwell and slowly walked up the steps. Everyone pushed and shoved hurrying to get to they’re classroom. Heather saw many kids with they’re Mother’s and Father’s and began to feel sad. Last night she had asked they’re parents to come but they were both to busy. Heather didn’t want to go into the wrong class like she did in kindergarten so she walked slowly so Christy could walk in front of her. When Christy finally caught up Heather walked behind her. I’m so excited Christy squealed. They walked around the corner glancing at the name by every teacher’s door. Finally, they saw Ms. Brown. Heather took a deep breath and began to walk in. Christy, Heather, and Megan sat together at a table with an odd looking girl. The girl’s teeth were very yellow her hair wasn’t that long and her clothes had stains on them. Heather swung her backpack around her chair. Heather noticed a paper on her desk it was a quiz. Heather wrote her name down and began to take it. They asked her everything about her favorite colors, favorite singers, favorite shows, favorite hobbies, favorite food, and everything.
CHAPTER TWO
After Heather was done she slid a book out her backpack and turned to the page she stopped on. The girl looked around the room tapping her pencil. She began to scratch, after a few seconds she continued and never stopped. Heather was wondering did she have lice. Finally, the girl stopped and began to tap her pencil. Heather though the girl was pretty weird but she didn’t want her too feel left out so Heather decided to speak to her. After staring at the girl to death Heather finally spoke. What is your name Heather asked. The girl had a little smirk on her face. Samantha she muttered. Samaria Heather misunderstood. Samantha giggled nodding. No, Samantha she replied. Oh, Samantha Heather nodded. They both chuckled. Heather sniffed her nose. I’m Heather-Heather Hall Heather introduced. Do you have a nickname Samantha asked. No, Heather sadly nodded. Well, you can call me Sam it’s short for Samantha she shrugged. Okay, Heather smiled. From now on I’ll call you Sam Heather agreed. A tall lady walked into the room she was wearing high heels beautiful long hair and her hand was piled with papers. The woman ignored the children in her class. She sat on the computer and quickly typed something. The teacher waited for it to print then she snatched it and walked out of the class. About six seconds after she left the kids started talking loud. Did you see that woman Christy asked. Yeah, she was walking really fast Megan nodded. I wonder if she is our teacher Samantha said. I hope not she looked mean Megan said. She did not how could you say such a rude thing Christy gasped. That’s not rude it’s the truth and the truth shall set you free Samantha joined in. What do you know Sam Christy asked. Heather knew this was getting bad and she just had to stop it. Heather didn’t like it when her friends argued especially when they just met each other. I know that she’s a meanie Samantha said. Why don’t you just shove your fist right down your throat Christy suggested. No, why don’t I just shove my fist right down your throat Samantha claimed. NO, then I’d get your snobby little germs Christy nodded. Fine, what I say is my opinion and what you say is yours let’s not take this conversation any farther Samantha urged. If I don’t then what Christy asked. Christy she said leave the conversation alone Heather shouted. Christy groaned rolling her eyes. We haven’t known each other for ten minutes now let’s start this over Heather said. You guys shake hands and become friends Heather said. Samantha held out her hand while Christy sat there with her arms across her chest. Heather gave Christy a look. Christy sighed and held out her hand. Hi, I’m Sam Samantha smiled. Christy grew a fake smile over her face then shook Samantha’s hand. I’m Christy but you can call me Chris Christy greeted. Then she leaned over and whispered something in Samantha’s ear. And I’m your worst nightmare Christy whispered. Christy sat back down still smiling. Samantha grew a worried look over her face with a loud gulp. Thirty minutes later they’re teacher finally came in and took a deep breath. Good-morning class I’m your teacher Ms. Brown the lady said. Ms. Brown wrote her name on the board and smiled at everyone. Now, I’d like everyone to come down to the carpet so we can introduce ourselves Ms. Brown said. Everyone got up and hurried to the carpet. Ms. Brown sat in her rocking chair and waited for everyone to settle down. Now, I can see we have 35 students in our class Ms. Brown said. Everyone gasped with shock. First, I’d like to start off with you she said pointing to Samantha. I need you to say my name is whatever I am whatever years old and tell me what you like to do Ms. Brown explained. My name is Samantha Smith I am 10 years old and I like to…play with my dolls Samantha said. Next, was the nice girl on the bus that had convinced Rachel to stop being so mean. My name is Angel Sparkles I am 10 years old and I like to write stories Angel said. Ms. Brown called on everyone in a row. The kids in the classroom were either 10, 11, or 12. After about the 15th person Megan was called on. My name is Megan Parker I am 10 years old and I like to skate Megan said. Next Ms. Brown yelled. My name is Christy Hunter I am 11 years old and I like to…go shopping Christy replied. When it was Heather’s turn her face turned red all over and she began to grow bumps all over her arms. My name is Heather began. Heather cleared her throat and spoke louder. My name is Heather Hall I am 10 years old and I like to read Heather said. Through the whole introduction Heather was still and quiet. She couldn’t believe she had just spoken to the whole class. During lunch period Heather and Christy were the only one’s to bring they’re own lunch. Heather pulled out a grape juice, turkey sandwich, strawberries, and chips. Christy brought cookies, cranberry juice, yogurt, and a banana. Heather didn’t like eating at the edge of the table every kid would always look at you eat. After awhile Heather had forgotten all about the nosy kids and continued her lunch. Heather bit off her sandwich and sipped her grape juice. Christy leaned closer. You have a blotch on the side of your mouth Christy whispered. Heather gasped covering her mouth she quickly wiped her mouth off. Christy laughed at Heather so loud that most of the kids looked to see what was going on. Christy wiped the saliva from her mouth and rubbed it on her napkin. That was funny Christy grinned. Suddenly, all the kids began to sit at they’re table too. Cookie Christy offered Heather. No, thanks Heather nodded. All right that’s on you Christy shrugged. Mostly all of the girls in they’re class tried to squeeze in with Christy. They argued and pushed to sit beside Christy. While the girls were fighting Megan squeezed into the spot they were fighting over. Those idiots Megan laughed. Afterschool they were loading onto the bus. Oh, my goodness I made so many friends can you believe how popular I am Christy teased. Heather ignored Christy. Well, I don’t care how many friends I make as long as I make good grades in school Heather explained. That is so lame Christy scoffed boarding onto the bus. Heather sat on a seat alone reading her book. Angel walked on the bus when saw Heather she stopped. May I sit here Angel asked. Sure, Heather said. Angel sat down pulling out her notebook. What are you doing Angel wondered. Nothing, just reading a book Heather nodded. Angel began to write something down while she kept glancing up at Heather. What are you doing Heather asked. Nothing…just writing in my journal Angel replied. When they came to Heather’s bus stop Heather waved to Christy smiling. Angel, Heather, and about five more people gathered off the bus. Heather hopped off the bus. Why weren’t you right here this morning Heather asked. On the first day of school they don’t care where you’re standing but after the first day of school you have to go to your right bus stop Angel explained. Where’s the right bus stop Heather asked. Angel pointed down the sidewalk about five houses away from Heather’s house. You see where that yellow sign is Angel asked. Yeah. Heather nodded. That’s the bus stop Angel said. Wow, you surely have a long way to walk Heather claimed. Not really Angel said. Well, I’ve got to get home my sister Rachel got in trouble at school today and she had to leave early Angel nodded. Boy, do I want to see her get in trouble Angel giggled. Heather giggled along. See ya Heather waved. Bye, Angel waved back. Heather skipped into her house. She walked in and threw her backpack down on the couch. A wonderful smell filled the air she figured her Mother was cooking for when her Aunt Carla comes over tonight. Heather walked into the kitchen and to her surprise it was her sister Beatrice. Beatrice was standing over the stove stirring up something. Beatrice you know you’re not suppose to be cooking until Mom gets home Heather gasped. Beatrice rolled her eyes. It’s a homework assignment you idiot if I catch the house on fire it’s the teacher’s fault Beatrice said. How is cooking a homework assignment I asked. Duh, you idiot I take a cooking class at my school Beatrice taunted. A cooking class Heather asked. Ugh, Beatrice screamed pacing back and forth. You shouldn’t be taking a cooking class Heather nodded. Beatrice turned around towards her sister angrily. Listen, you little short 5th grader don’t you see I’m doing my homework Beatrice asked. No, I see you making a mess Heather said. Hey, you little short munchkin I have no time for playing silly games Beatrice shouted. Heather wanted to tease her sister more. Heather just loved watching her sister go down in agony. It smells good but it looks disgusting maybe you should take an extra cooking class Heather informed. Maybe you should buy another neck before I chop off yours Beatrice warned. Ooh, I’m so scared Heather said making faces. Beatrice growled between her teeth angrily. Then she began chasing Heather around the kitchen. Come back here you little brat Beatrice yelled. They heard the front door open and they stopped running. Oh, no Mom’s home and this kitchen is a mess Beatrice gasped. Oh, don’t worry its just homework Heather taunted. Mrs. Hall sniffed the air smiling. Mmm, honey what is this sweet smell you’re working up in here Mrs. Hall asked. Mrs. Hall opened the door to the kitchen and gasped. Beatrice…Heather what is going on in here Mrs. Hall wondered. Don’t look at me I didn’t do it Heather said. Beatrice walked to her Mom with plead in her eyes. Mom I’m so sorry I promise I’ll clean it up Beatrice apologized. I told you not to cook when an adult isn’t here Mrs. Hall nodded cleaning up the kitchen. Yeah, Beatrice she told you not cook when an adult isn’t here Heather said sitting at the bar. Beatrice rolled her eyes at Heather. I know Mom but its my homework and I tried to hurry up so I can take a nap Beatrice explained. Mrs. Hall sighed looking at all the mess in the kitchen. All right but when you’re done clean this up before your Aunt Carla gets here Mrs. Hall ordered. Yes, ma’am Beatrice gulped. When Mrs. Hall walked out the kitchen Beatrice took a sigh of relief. Next, time you shut your mousetrap Beatrice exclaimed pointing to Heather. Beatrice began to clean off the counter. I’m so lucky I am still going to Elementary school Heather said. Beatrice giggled nodding. Oh, yeah why is that Beatrice asked. Well, you have homework on the first day of school you actually do work on the first day of school and who wants to get timed during periods Heather wondered. We don’t get timed during periods Beatrice scoffed. Oh, yeah what about if you forget the combination and when you suddenly remember it the bell rings when you finally get all your books out, the halls are cleared, and you have no idea where to go, and when you finally get to your class you have detention cause you were running late and interrupting the class Heather questioned. Tell me about that Heather said folding her arms across her chest. Beatrice stopped cleaning and turned around. First, of all I never forget my combination, second of all my friends help me carry my books, third of all we will remember where our class is cause we have a schedule, and fourth of all if you’re a teacher’s pet like me you can just explain to the principal why you were late and they’ll understand Beatrice shrugged. Heather had to think of something quick she couldn’t let her sister win at this argument. Oh, yeah well at least I don’t have to wake up at 5:00 leave at 5:30 get on the bus at 6:00 and make it to school at 6:30 Heather said. Well, least I don’t stay at school ti’ll 3:30 Beatrice nodded stepping closer to Heather. At least I can leave the room when it’s an emergency Heather said. At least I don’t have to eat in the cafeteria with my dorky class Beatrice claimed. Heather and Beatrice gave one another an evil stare. They’re Father walked in with the newspaper. Evening ladies Mr. Hall smiled sitting down at the table. Heather couldn’t win she just had to blink. Evening to you Daddy Heather smiled. Pleasant day isn’t it Beatrice asked. Oh, it’s surely pleasant outside but not at my job Mr. Hall nodded. Mr. Hall noticed the wonderful smell. Mmm, what’s that wonderful smell Mr. Hall asked. It’s my homework assignment you like it Beatrice wondered. Mr. Hall went to the stove and stood over the pot. Yes, indeed it looks very good Mr. Hall said. Want a taste Beatrice asked dipping a spoon. I surely will Mr. Hall giggled. Mr. Hall tasted it and a smile spreaded across his face. Why it’s delightful you’re definitely getting an A-plus Mr. Hall assured. Thank you Daddy Beatrice smirked glancing at Heather. Heather scoffed hopping out her chair. Daddy, daddy Heather repeated pulling on her Father’s arm. Yes, sweetie Mr. Hall asked. I made something at school today just for you Heather smiled. Oh, I’d love to see it Mr. Hall nodded. Okay, just hold on Heather said. Heather ran into the living room to get her backpack then she ran back in the kitchen. As Heather got it out Mr. Hall’s smile grew more and more. Heather pulled it out and it was a card. On the front it spelled “MY DADDY” made out of candy. Here you go Daddy Heather said. Mr. Hall opened the card and began to read it. After, Mr. Hall was done he hugged Heather and squeezed her with all his might. Thank you sweetie I truly appreciate it Mr. Hall said. Heather shot a bright smile. Well, Beatrice you better finish your homework and Heather you go clean your junky room Mr. Hall claimed. Yes, sir they both called. Then they began their activities. While Heather was cleaning her room there was a knock at her door. Heather ordered the person to come in and in came Angel and Rachel. Heather gasped with surprise she did not know what to say. Was Rachel here to start another rage or was she here to apologize. Hi, Heather Angel waved. I was hoping you would answer the door I actually forgot your name Angel nodded. Your sister opened the door and I asked if she had a little sister and she said yeah I have one named Heather come on I’ll show you her room Angel quoted. Heather giggled. Rachel stood there with angry eyes. Heather stopped giggling and glanced at Rachel. Hi, Rachel Heather smiled. Rachel sighed sitting down on my bed. My name is not Rachel its Vicky Rachel explained. Okay, Heather said. Heather sat down on the bed. Do you want to stay for dinner Rachel Heather asked. Rachel shot Heather an evil eye. I said my name is Vicky get it right or get it tight Rachel claimed. Angel frowned then she did a fake laugh between her teeth. Angel pulled her to the side and began to yell at her angrily between her teeth. Rachel rolled her eyes as Angel went on- and on. Angel grabbed her jaw and massaged it back and forth then Angel pushed her towards her. Rachel put on a fake smile. Hi, Heather Rachel groaned. Every since Rachel and Heather had become best friends. At the end of the school year they exchanged friendship bracelets and shared numbers.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jaliyah W. is a 10 year old girl she is from TN. She started writing when she was 8. (oh and dont worry she doesnt have in quotations because she wrote this story when she was little
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
King's quite right. Space this out a bit; revise your punctuation, unnecessary capitalization, et cetera, and you may get a few fair critiques.
I'm going to edit out your last name, as well - you want to avoid revealing that sort of information on the internet as a matter of course.
Edited.
A word of advice, should you wish to get reviews...
If the "About the Author" segment is true, I would remove the last name and the city of the author, for safety purposes.
About the story itself: To be painfully, brutally honest, it's too long. Separate the two chapters into two threads. Furthermore, there is no sense of paragraphs--divide the story up, break it down. Right now, it's a giant mess of words dialog and punctuation that makes little to no sense, at best.
--King