The memories I spent with you
Chapter 1:the day we met
The wedding day
It was a sunny day. The light of the sun was spilling through the windows of the church. My heart was pounding heavily. I gulped, my legs were shaking a little, I tried to fix my bow tie but it kept slipping through my trembling hands.
The scent of the flower mixing with the old wood filled the room. The sounds of the guest murmuring were echoing through the whole church. The door slowly
creaked open, a slight breeze of wind swayed through the guests, everyone went silent as she started walking down the red carpet, everyone was amazed by her beauty, but me? I noticed more, I noticed her sparkling eyes that's as beautiful as the starry night sky, the smile that's brighter than the sun and her light smooth skin.
She was the one that made me laugh, she brought joy to my life that I would never have felt without her, but every step she took, memories of our teenage years flashed in my mind, the sports day, the fireworks, the beach, everything came rushing back. It was on that day I met her……….
It was lunch. the sun passing through our school, I was looking out a window, the breeze swaying through my hair, the classroom echoing the silence until laughing sounds cut through it, I instantly recognized who's voice it was, it was the voice of my best friend and a girl, I rose up from my chair to check it. They were talking about something, I leaned a bit closer to hear it and a sound echoed through my ear.
“anime?”
I walked slowly towards them. They were talking about an anime about Kaiju’s. My best friend noticed me and invited me to their conversation knowing well that I like anime. I sat awkwardly feeling that I ruined the mood for both of them. I turned my focus towards the girl, she was talking fast about the anime.
Her eyes suddenly locked on me, she rose from her chair putting her hands on her chest “i-im ta….. takahashi Sakura!”
My best friend burst out laughing, I couldn't help grinning and also started to laugh with him, her face started to turn red from embarrassment “gosh I'm not doing that again hmph”
“I-im sorry” giggling while wiping his tears off
I also apologized to her for laughing.
Her pout softens, “I-its fine” she couldn't make it more obvious that she's still mad at us
“By the way, can you guys continue what you were talking about?” I asked.
She crosses her arm, acting like a full tsundere “Nope I'm in a bad mood already”
“Well if you're not telling it then I'll do” he says smirking confidently.
He started to explain it in detail, I was listening seriously till I heard the wrong information.
“You were wrong there the armor actually powers up if you are stronger”
“Eh? hehe….” he laughs awkwardly
Her eyes lit up a little bit hinting a bit of curiosity in her face “wait are you perhaps an Otaku in disguise?” My best friend joins in the conversation “yes he is”
“Wait, I'm not an Otaku ok?! I just really like anime and manga but I'm still sociable enough!!
Her posture is of a bored person sitting on their armchair spinning her pen.
“Yea you're too sociable and energetic for an Otaku”
“Ye-yea that's right!! I blurted, my voice cracked.
“Shhh you're too loud”
an evil grin plays in her face seemingly planning something “wait since you like anime I'll call you Otaku-kun as a payback for laughing at me”
“Heh?”
……
Ever since then she started to call me by that name, it doesn't even matter where we are, the classroom, the halls at the cafeteria she didn't care.
I sighed heavily
“Ughhhh riki can't you do anything about your girlfriend”
“Well first things off she's not my girlfriend she's just my friend and I can't really do anything she's really persistent you know?” telling me that while chewing his food slowly
“Ok…” I muttered.
After chewing his food he changed the subject about something that happened here in sagano highschool last year.
“Oh Ren did you know what happened here last year”
“Of course not, we were in middle school back then” I replied, my voice sounding a little angry and grumpy.
“Hmm I mean you do have a point but some second year student told me that someone almost stab someone”
He successfully gains my attention
“Heh what happened?”
He swayed his hand putting them together
“Finally you're interested.”
I grinned confidently
“Ofcourse I will, there seems to be action! and did he got expelled?” I asked curiously, Riki’s face looked weirded out by my constant change of moods.
“Nope he didn't start the fight, so he just got punished by cleaning the whole school,and since then if I remember they stopped bullying him.”
“Wait, so he's in second year now?”
“Yea”
“Woah what's his name?”
He places his arm on his forehead Trying his best to remember “hmmm ah ha it's taro if I remember correctly”
I was shocked, this guy is one of the popular ones. I wonder what happened?
“Wait, isn't he one of the most popular guys in this school!”
“Yea he is I wonder what happened”
Even Riki is curious.
I felt a bad presence behind me, before I knew it, Someone slapped my back hard, “ow!!” my head automatically turn its direction towards it, it was Sakura menacingly grinning to me “Oy Otaku kun”
Aughhhh This girl can't really give me a break if there is a chance to get revenge.
Riki Interrupted her “Sakura can you stop bullying my friend" pointing his chopsticks towards her
Her eyebrows burrow deep, pouting “Hmph fine…”
I went home tired from the amount of work I had to do and plus dodging her all day gets so tiring.
A familiar scream suddenly echoes through my ear “Oy Ren wash the dishes!”
“I'm tired today mom” my sarcastic voice bouncing off the walls on our house reaching my mom's ear
Footsteps can be heard through the stairs until it reaches my room. the door sways open “Well if you're tired i am more tired than you”
I can't believe my mom will go that far just to tell me that “Fine I'll wash it”
Her eyes softens a little “good now go downstairs and eat first”
“Ok…” I replied to her
…….
Ding!! Ding!! Ding!! I stopped washing the dishes to check it out. It was my phone buzzing to the unbelievable amount of notification that I was getting. I quickly finished the dishes before locking myself into my room.
Th-theres so much work to do!!!!
I was going to use this time to review for my midterms that will happen in a week but my groupmates messed up something?
“I need to get this done now”
Ten hours later…
I woke up, my alarm buzzing through my ear. I looked out the window. The sun was just rising. I went downstairs and the sun was glowing through the windows of the kitchen. At the table a breakfast was sitting there ready to get eaten.
“Did you get enough sleep last night?” my moms voice sounding worried
My mind was blurry I was a little Drowsy
“Ye-yea I'm just a little tired,” I replied.
She was acting like she didn't care, but as her son, I knew that she was worried about me “Hmm ok we'll get ready you're gonna get late.”
“Yeah” I muttered quietly
…..
“Yikes!! Ren did you even get any sleep” his face looked surprised.
My brain was snoozing but I managed to answer clearly “Yea my groupmates just messed up a little bit”
“You know you could've said no to them“
“I don't want to disappoint anyone you know, plus my grades rely on it too”
“Yea but you know midterms are next week right so don't push yourself to your limit.” his voice sounding a little worried
“Well if I broke my limiter then I can become powerful” I said to him, sounding like a child.
He turned his direction towards me “I know you like anime but don't try to use that as a reason to destroy yourself” his voice sounding more concerned
“Yea don't worry and thanks for the concern” I replied to him.
1 week later…
I managed to get high scores, but with all the pressure I'm under it's just tiring and I haven't even gotten any sleep for a few days now, and to make things even worse in just two weeks the exams are coming. To comfort myself a little bit I decided to go to a convenience store. As soon as I entered the store a cold breeze swayed at me, I shivered a little bit. It had been a few days now since I felt something this relaxing, then something caught my attention. Sakura was here. I nearly turned back, she was standing at the drink section, the cold air from the fridge was swaying at her long brown hair. I tried to escape but it was too late. Her eyes already founded me. “Hey Ren yahoo over here” well there goes my relaxing evening
She ordered me to sit while she went inside to grab some snacks and drink. When she came back, she dropped a cup of noodles in front of me saying “it's on the house”
“So why did you pay for me you know I could've paid for it” I asked her, turning my head direction opposite of her
“It's a reward for your hard work,” she answers, putting coins of yen in her purse.
For a moment I didn't know what to say to her while holding the hot cup in my hands.
My phone started buzzing again because of the amount of notifications that were popping out. I tried to check it but Sakura snatched my phone away.
“Oy what are you doing?!”
She kept dodging me typing something.
“rejecting their wish for help I know you couldn't say no to them”
“Wait no they'll be disappointed!” I blurted, my voice cracked.
Her expression hardens “Gaaah shut up ok they're just using you and you're just letting that happen” her face was turning red from anger.
The both of us went quiet for a second
She sighed it was softer this time “Ugh don't you notice they only go to you whenever they need something?”
My grip on the cup hardens “I know but I don't want them to hate me. If I keep helping them they might change their mind. You know the only friend I have is Riki and I always ruin the mood between him and his friends. That's why I'm doing my best to befriend them.”
Her eyes softened leaning a bit closer “Don't you consider me as a friend?”
I was looking at the ground not knowing what to say “I-I honestly don't know do you consider me as a friend?"
She slammed the table leaning towards me “Of course I do. I mean do you even need to ask, I wouldn't even try to stop you if I don't care about you”
“Really?”
She rose from her place and started walking away from me and then turning her direction to me, her worried face disappeared, replaced by a warm smile. It was already bright but the glow from the store made her smile even brighter than ever. “Yes, so Ren will you stop trying to impress them and become my friend. I can assure that your life will be happy tehee” she chuckled.
That moment still lingers in my mind even after all those years after all those laughs ,arguments…. And now, just a few more steps are separating the both of us. I will make sure to savor every moment because one day this moment that I'm seeing with my own eye will only be a memory that I can look back on in the future.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hmm first up: Hello! I’m here to review your story that has been left in the Green Room for a while.
My first thought is that your paragraphing is very weird. It makes it surprisingly hard to follow the story when you break your paragraphs up at random points.
A paragraph ideally should be either one speaker and their speech or deal with one singular thing. The description of a room f.e.
Also, another person I can teach abt dialogue formatting =D
First up, the speech in quotation marks does begin with capitalization.
I’ll show you proper formatting for this quote:
See how I made your one long sentence into two without changing much? It improves readability. There was also a wild double space, fixed it 😊 You don’t have a speech tag in this sentence, therefore the speech is a completely separate sentence. That’s why I put a period after “chest”. Then I fixed the capitalization in your speech. There we go.
Overall a cute story 😊 And I like that the two do get to have their happy ending. I especially like this “That moment still lingers in my mind even after all those years after all those laughs “ etc :3
Hello and welcome to YWS!

Okay so! I always love a good romance, so I figured I would take a look and give a quick review!
First... ahhhhh! Weddings! It's always very exciting to see. I've never seen my bride walking down the aisle, but I've been that bride, and honestly it was nerve-wracking as all get, hahaha. So already from the get-go, it looks it might have a happily ever after? After all, it looks like are doing the whole start with the ending first bit.
I'm... not sure if I would have had that long flashback though while walking down the aisle... like. That's a really long flashback and oddly specific too. At one point, you have him doing laundry while his phone is dinging and I dunno. I don't think that would have remembered that particular moment unless something super important about it had seared itself in my mind.
So what I suggest doing for all the memories you have laid out is look at it and try to figure out why your character might have remembered that particular moment while waiting for his bride. And then capture what emotional context those moments have to him so that it's clear why those memories are important. So, their first meeting together... she includes him when he is alone... that's a strong memory! Perhaps that's why he teases her... and then he likes it when he teases her back because he realizes her wit. So deepen those parts so we get a better idea of why he loves her so that it seems like a deep relationship!
Also, don't be afraid to cut the extraneous out of the story. The important thing about writing romance is to see characters fall in love. We want to get squishy and emotional in the feelings and see how they overcome every obstacle to fall in love. So lay it all out for us! Cut away the fat that doesn't seem important (anime is where they start, but it has to deepen from merely that) and just lean in more.
Also... the honeymoon period is intense. But if they're marrying, they have other memories too... of being a couple, of their first kiss, of the proposal and meeting each other's families, etc. So don't be afraid to include other things... not just the beginning stuff. (Though, who knows! Maybe that will come in subsequent chapters, hahaha.)
I will say. Most romances will start with them meeting so that we can feel that tension of them coming together. So the wedding is definitely a riskier move because, unless you already care for them, it might not seem that important. Whereas us romance readers are already primed in the beginning to read it as it all unfolds.
Anyway, I hope this review helps! Let me know if you have any questions or if I can help you more.