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You Broke Me

by JadeLotus


You're my midnight snacks,

The calories I don't count.

You're my happy ending,

The one I only dream about.

You're the distinctive voice in a crowded room,

The one that everybody is drawn to.

You could torture me until I die,

But you're that star that will always shine.

My life boat and anchor both at the same time.

Can't you see?

I want to know if you're happy.

Because finally, you broke me.

But I was perfectly fine when I met you.


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33 Reviews


Points: 74
Reviews: 33

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Wed Mar 13, 2019 8:38 pm
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starryknightt wrote a review...



Hey!

Dude, you are so so talented! It's insane, honestly. This is a beautiful poem. It's smooth and flowing. I read it very easily and the images that came to my mind were very distinct.

Another thing: The emotion is tangible. It has a strong sense of broken resolve. I love it.

Can't wait to read more of your art!

-M




JadeLotus says...


Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it :)



JadeLotus says...


Journey of My Heart
I enjoy reading your reviews. If you have any time can you check this out?





I would love to check that out. I'll look at it today :)



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114 Reviews


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Wed Mar 13, 2019 7:47 pm
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Bellarke wrote a review...



Hey, its me again! I am going to review this poem for you.


The rhyming, word use, and fluency was amazing. It was a great thing to add to the poem.

One thing that confused me:

The one I only dream about.


this got me a little off guard, because i think that the word "Only" is in the wrong place. It does not sound right where its at, I think that you should move it as following.

"The only one i dream about."
See? Doesn't that make a bit more sense?


One tiney fluency crack,

My life boat and anchor both at the same time.


As the others said before me, this does break it u a bit, i mean it is a good line, only that it just ain't as easy to read as the rest of the sentences.

The bolding:
It is a great touch to add, but it isnt neccisary. I loved how you put it there because it shows how related it is.

But overall:
I love this, It was exceptional!!! I hope this came out right, not mean or rude.

Keep writing,
~B E L L




JadeLotus says...


The line The one I only dream about.
I meant the happy ending I dream about, not the person. I hope that clears it up.... Thank you for the review! This will definitely help my poetry improve



Bellarke says...


OHHH okay that makes sense. lol!



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138 Reviews


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Wed Mar 13, 2019 2:24 pm
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Liberty500 wrote a review...



Hi, Jade!

Hope you're doing well. I'm here for a review as you requested. Alright.

This is very good! I liked the rhyming, the words, the fluency. Okay, there was something up with the fluency. Look, in this line:

My life boat and anchor both at the same time.


Just like FlamingPhoenix mentioned, it does seem to break the fluency of the poem. Maybe you could change it somehow to make it sound more fluent? (i just realized that I was using the word fluent and fluency a lot, it sounds weird. XD) Anyways, I really like the poem, it was wonderful except for the part that I just told ya about. Again, I absolutely love the rhyming! It was great. That's it for today, I didn't see any other mistakes or whatever. It's perfect the way it is. :D

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




JadeLotus says...


Thank you so much!



Liberty500 says...


You're welcome. :)



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33 Reviews


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Reviews: 33

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Wed Mar 13, 2019 12:57 pm
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Swetachowdhury0 says...



wonderful work @JadeLotus... i liked it a lot..this is well written.. . first 4 lines it gave me butterflies. i can connect to it..the whole work is great for me. hats off.keep writing




JadeLotus says...





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Wed Mar 13, 2019 10:34 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day.

Okay so I'm going to get right to the review.
So out of the whole poem I only really saw one thing that can be fixed.

My life boat and anchor both at the same time.

With this sentence I felt it didn't flow quit right, so i thought that if you put a comma between the two words in bold, it will make the sentence a little easier to understand.

But other then that I think this poem was really well written. You put quit a lot of emotion into this poem, and that's what made it feel so real.
And I think everything flowed really well, and it also got me hooked very quickly, so that's good. I also think the name you chose for your poem was really effective, it got my attention right away. So I can say I'm looking forward to the next poem you post on YWS. So I do hope you never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




JadeLotus says...


Thank you so much for the review!!





Your welcome. :D



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27 Reviews


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Tue Mar 12, 2019 12:19 am
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Morgan says...



Hi. Jade... Morgan here...

Wow. This is deep. The first line made me laugh. I’m Not sure why, but it makes perfect sense... There is nothing that I can suggest to you except that you keep up the good work. Good job, and happy writings!
Your friend- Morgan




JadeLotus says...


Thanks!



Morgan says...


No problem!



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Mon Mar 11, 2019 10:46 pm
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Anma wrote a review...



Hey Jade!!

This is a wonderful poem!

There's alot of emotion in it...
it also has a very strong message as well

There's no grammar mistakes that i can see. Its very well typed out and i can understand what I'm reading. Its perfect..............Except i don't really understand the last line?? was that suppose to be there to mean something????
I'm not sure but i can tell you put a lot of effort into this, it makes me very pleased.
Keep up the good work!!

Your friend Anma




JadeLotus says...


Thank you! I'll let you figure the last line out XD.



Anma says...


AWW dang, my brains already trying to use my brain already for math!! :)



JadeLotus says...


XD



JadeLotus says...


XD



Anma says...


Typos sorry




I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
— Steven Wright