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Journey of My Heart

by JadeLotus


My heart was once whole.

Then someone thought 

That it should be broke.

It was shattered.

But I managed to glue it back together.

Minus a piece or two....

My heart was fine, still beating in my chest.

But sadly the above sentence is just a past tense.

Someone squeezed it too hard

Then laughed as I picked up all the mushy parts.

I managed to squish it back together.

But that person stole a piece so I try not to remember.

My poor, deformed heart was then beating irregularly,

So a person decided to cruelly put it out of misery.

They stomped on it.

Smashed every bit.

And they claimed the dust that was left as theirs.

Now I'm left with just a tiny piece.

Other people hold the rest of me.

The journey of my heart wasn't good.

People saw and people took.

I could try to take it back but I know,

That they will always have a piece.

A part,

In the journey of my broken heart.

So this is the first draft of a poem I wrote when I had a few minutes. I would like some feedback on how to revise it to make it publishable.


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20 Reviews


Points: 291
Reviews: 20

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Thu Mar 14, 2019 12:38 am
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Morgan says...



Hey Jade.

I think that this was a really deep poem. I mean, I get it. You’re heart’s journey was the same as my homework when I threw it into the trash can. Lol....

Now, relating to suggestions, I would say maybe try and see if you can make most of the sentences ryhme, and separate them into stanzas. I really like this poem. I mean, if this was how you actually felt, I was gonna say that I understand how you felt. This is really relatable to a lot of other people and I think you should keep up the good work.

~ your friend, Morgan.




JadeLotus says...


Thank you for the review! This will help my poetry writing in future :)



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81 Reviews


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Thu Mar 14, 2019 12:25 am
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Liberty500 says...



This is really good, Jade. Great work!




JadeLotus says...


Thank you, Libby! (I hope you don't mind the nickname!)



Liberty500 says...


I like the nickname, Jadie! (Is Jadie okay?)



JadeLotus says...


Sure! I like your picture btw!



Liberty500 says...


Thanks. Any suggestions for what its name should be? These are the suggestions so far:
~Fortune
~Liberty Fortune



JadeLotus says...


Lady Liberty
Libertie (Liberty spelt differently)
Fortune1Liberty



Liberty500 says...


Mm, sounds cool. I'm getting a horse in two years or so, so maybe I could use these names! But probably not Fortune1Liberty. XD Thanks!



JadeLotus says...


XD no problemo. I thought you meant as a username. Sorry! XD



Liberty500 says...


Oh! Okay, I should've made myself clearer, :D



JadeLotus says...


XD




The important thing is never to stop questioning.
— Albert Einstein