yeah same here
Prologue:
The best of my talents was always reading.
Not Cask of Amontillado reading, but actual reading. People reading.
I realize things, much like any person should, but I picture in my mind why a person would do it, how they could do it in the easy manner, or how they screwed it up. Dialogue, and action.
It's just been proven that people usually reveal themselves in that way--nonverbal. Verbal is too hard to interpret, but action...
It's harder to lie with an action.
Twitching, shaking, or no movement at all. Berlin Wall stillness or shock stillness?
All those types of movements can tell an emotion, well-hidden or broadcast, if someone's hiding something, or if, like everyone would want to know, that someone was really that big of an idiot.
Reading was for me, and people who tried and hid, I found it later. If I wanted to. One thing to note about a talent is that you never master it until you can turn it off and on.
That is, until I found out about my greatest foe besides myself and butt fat: my mother.
Only one thing I can note about that woman... okay then, two: she made a mistake in marrying my art instructor, and mothers do more damage than earthquakes.
And yet, when I shouldn't care about her anymore, I need to. I've never missed marks, people I want to and don't want to observe.
Families not only suck, but they don't get excused.
Especially my mother.
I don't follow this sentence...Reading was for me, and people who tried and hid, I found it later.
) I'm not sure what to say. Griffen just knocked it all out of the bag, and I'm left with nothing.First off, let me welcome you to YWS. Hopefully you're making your way over to the welcome forum, where you can meet all the wonderful people here.
Here at YWS, we try to provide a community that strives to improve their writing.
And now, a critique.
On YWS, I'm sort of a prologue slayer, so keep that in mind as I go over this.
I read through the prologue. What I like is that you have some definite character giving you a narrative. This makes it so that the character is telling us the story, which is very good.
The way the narrative is written however, is riddled with problems. You use paragraphs way too frequently, the dialogue seems disjointed, like stop and go traffic. It also seemed like it could have been written much more efficently.
One instance:
Not Cask of Amontillado reading, but actual reading. People reading.
Not Cask of Amontillado reading, but [s]actual reading. P[/s] people reading.
Twitching, shaking, or no movement at all. Berlin Wall stillness or shock stillness?
That is, until I found out about my greatest foe besides myself and butt fat: my mother.
[SPACE[/red]
Only one thing I can note about that woman... okay then, two: [color=red]she made a mistake in marrying my art instructor[s],[/s] and mothers do more damage than earthquakes.[/red][color=green] How are these things noteworthy? Non sequiter?
[[color=red]SPACE
And yet, when I shouldn't care about her anymore, I need to. I've never missed marks, people I want to and don't want to observe.[/red] [color=green]Contradictory statements.[/green]
[[color=red]SPACE[/red]
Families not only suck, but they don't get excused.
Especially my mother.
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