It started out as technological love,
Limited to Internet kisses
And strokes on a keyboard instead of cheeks.
The romance we ignited
Was kept in the mechanical heart of our computers,
Computers that were overly tired
Of our late night typing.
When you proposed,
There was no emoticon that could
Accurately display my excitement.
You were my power supply
And never did I want to run out of battery.
But then,
A virus came and infected
Your hard drive and erased what was left.
So now,
I'm left with the memory.
The desktop to my heart
Has never felt so uninstalled.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,638 Literary Works • 673,575 Reviews
Thank you to everyone for reviewing this piece. It was a dedication to someone whom I recently lost, and I'm very glad it was commented on. Thanks again.
I know this poem means a lot to you and I'm sorry it ended the way it did. I wish I could rewrite history and take that pain away, but sadly I am just human and do not have that divine power. I just hope time, love, and friendship can help ease some of that burden. But on the brightside it is a beautifully written piece that touches the deepest depths of my heart.
This poem seems really perfect to me, all the symbolism you used matched up exactly to what you were describing and I didn't want it to end
I love this poem. It reminds me about the relationship with my computer.
its an okay poem. The rhythm is really off in some places, I think your piece would benefit from condensation, i don't think I can say that enough. The first two lines are the strongest. It should be the opposite, you start out strong and you finish stronger, but instead your poem is precarious like an inverted pyramid. I'd readjust the energy flow in the piece.
The way you compare anatomy to computer lingo is good at first, but at the end its pretty stupid. I'd edit that whole part out and try again. Other then that, I'd say you've got something with potential here. With a little polishing it could be pretty good.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your comment. This was very emotional poem to write and it means a lot that you thought so highly of it. Thank you.
I am amazed. Just purely amazed. I never thought people could describe love in a computer sense. I love how you describe romantic touches suche as
How you describe there are no emoticons for your feelings. Out of all the parts of your poem I love your ending.