A Timeless Masquerade

Hey Jace, you did a review on my story, so i guess I should return the favour

This was awesome. I, having no poetic knowledge, am wondering if this is meant to rhyme or not...? Just thinking. It was, again, awesome, and I hope you have many more things like this up your sleeve.
Keep writing.

Olli

I love it. Ha ha there's nothing else really to say. Everything fits. It sounds like a really interesting song. I'd love to see the music video

Thanks you everyone for giving me advice and praising my work. I really appreciate it!

Great idea for a poem, I really liked it.
Keep writing!

Wow. I like it. Keep posting. I want to read some more of your work. Also, I kno lots of people have said they dont like the chopiness but I like it. It has a unique flow. Keep it up!!

~Shine

Hey there!

I love the narrative voice of this poem because its so dramatic and to the point. Its beautiful and elegant and I really come away from it feeling, "that was actually quite good" factor. What I would suggest though, like another reviewer did, is reviewing some of your end-of-line punctuation because at the moment it tends to make the pace/flow of the poem a bit choppy, which is not generally a good thing because you lose that impact.

Hope this helps and keep writing!
Ben
*Likes*

I like it a lot! Good word choices, and a unique idea. Keep posting stuff, I want to see more of your work.

Hi! Brainy's here to review your poem.

Let me start by saying I love this. I actually read it twice back to back. Not because it was confusing, but because it was just so good.

I liked how you repeated this line:

So let's get amnesia.

I really like this. It gives off this real air of travellnig back in time and going to a ball.... Which is exactly what you were descrbing... Anyways, I like it. *clicks 'like'* It's a beautiful poem. Keep writing! *goes off to re-read the poem*

~Scarlett.

Hey I love your poem but you already knew that. I like the idea and the thought behind it.

Hey I love your poem but you already knew that. I like the idea and the thought behind it.

hi i really liked this but...

JaceClayton wrote:Let's get amnesia. #FF0000 ">i think you could get rid of that fullstop
And go back in time
To where ballroom dances
Filled the dreams of people
Everywhere.
I'll buy you a mask
To make yourself a mystery
That even a scholar
Couldn't solve.
You'll buy a gown
To keep yourself eternally gorgeous,
A kind of beauty
That holds no price.
We'll have a timeless masquerade.
I'll prove to you that
I can exceed your dance etiquette.
And when I remove your mask,
I'll reveal your true art
Of attraction and choreography.
So let's get amnesia. #FF0000 ">again you can do away with the fullstop
And go back in time
To where our timeless masquerade
Can be appropriately embraced
By thoughtless future generations.[/size]

So, this is my first time posting on a site like this. I hope you can leave me comments on how to improve my work.