The Love of a Porcupine
On a brisk spring morning, around the hour of 6:00AM, Mo the porcupine woke up and decided it was time to start taking his morning walks once again. The winter snow had lasted very long and he missed his walks. Spring was now in the air and he felt happy again. He loved to look at all the beautiful trees in bloom, the green grass, and the multitude of colorful flowers swaying in the gentle spring breeze.
He loved to listen to the birds singing, and all the other sounds of nature. This time he would take a different path and he started off. He always went alone; sadly everyone else was too busy with their own families to bother with him. As he made a turn in the path, something caught his eye. There it was: the loveliest creature in the world.
He slowly approached, not wanting to scare it. The coloring of her quills was a beautiful brown and every strand was straight and smooth. The long brown tail had only enticed the young porcupine to make his way closer and closer.
He got up the courage to speak to her and told her about all the magnificient things he had seen on his walk. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t make fun of him. She just sat there, not moving, and listening to the stories he told her. He couldn’t wait for the next day when he would see her again and tell his stories to her.
Would she be there? Or would she be gone; too busy to listen to him, like all the rest?
As he made the turn, there she was sitting in the corner on the back porch of the big white house. She was there faithfully everyday. He spent all his time with her; happy for her quiet acceptance for him. Little did Mo the porcupine know he had fallen head over heels in love with a broom.
I thought it was cute. 
I can just imagine a little porcupine nuzzling the ends of a broomstick.
JStewart wrote:He spent all his time with her; happy for her quiet acceptance for him.
Yes, I agree, it's a nice little story, especially for children. I guessed the ending about a paragraph from the end, but I'm not seven, so it's not a huge surprise.
It's about the right length for small children, enough that they won't lose too much focus, but like Colleen said, a bit too advanced language for children. If that is your audience, then I suggest you try to use an easier vocabulary.
Adorable idea, with that twist ending I suppose kiddies would like. You said it was a children's story? I can totally see that; the writing is simple but enjoyable. What age level is this for? I could see it being a picture book for younger kids or one of those I-Can-Read faux chapter books.
Still, if you're writing for children, use words they'll understand and phrases they've been introduced to.
On a brisk spring morning, around the hour of 6:00AM
He slowly approached, not wanting to scare it.
The long brown tail had only enticed the young porcupine to make his way closer and closer.
She just sat there, not moving, and listening to the stories he told her.
He spent all his time with her; happy for her quiet acceptance for him.
120,217 Literary Works • 649,142 Reviews
Points: 890
Reviews: 72
Donate