Young Writers Society

Hi there! I'm here to weave a quick review!

First Impressions
This is a wonderful poem that talks about the importance of art and imagination. It talks about looking beyond the printed text or written words, imagining vast lands, connecting the dots, and building your own worlds. Personally, I think the message conveyed through this piece is vital.

Things I loved
Like I mentioned before, I love the message you're spreading through this poetry. The imagery and descriptions in the third stanza are spot-on and beautifully written:

"To me it is an embroidered tapestry,
An engraved mahogany treasure chest spilling
over with gold and jewels that glint in the sunlight,
The open gates of a towering mansion."

Another one right here:

"They see the world as a plain piece of paper.
A white box.
A closed door."

I found a stanza which is, perhaps, the most powerful one in this piece:

"The irony is that those people
will never listen to what I say.
However loud I scream through these words, through this paper,
they will not hear me"

Wow.

Things to improve
Not much is there to be improved (according to me). The things I mention in this section, are of course, up to you to consider or not as the author.

The last stanza seemed to lose power after the one before it- it just seemed a bit like the passion, the energy had depleted. (That's just my view.)
Also, the line breaks could have been executed better.
For example, this line:
"An engraved mahogany treasure chest spilling
over with gold and jewels that glint in the sunlight,"

Perhaps it could have been like this:
"An engraved mahogany treasure chest spilling over
with gold and jewels that glint in the sunlight,"
Even though it's a TINY change, I feel like it's a little less distracting.
Note: This is MERELY a suggestion!!!


Overall, a beautifully woven tale. Very well done!
- WordWeaver1357

I have always said that science is the killer of imagination! we used to look up at the stars and create stories to map them. And now that we know that they are big balls of gas that are burning out the world seems boring. this poem embodies much of what I believe in. Art can heal the mind more than people give it credit for and I am not just talking about the act of doing but also understanding human work. Weldone on your poem you should be very proud and happy.

Giles

Hello JSadler thank you for posting. its Intimidating to post at first in the short time i have been on this site. i have learned this Community is very Accepting. keep it up.

first Thought after reading passage one.
with out Language there would be no science.

are they are Afraid to open the door Or are they just comfortable with their white pages?

Did you say a picture is worth 1000 words, but you have to know those 1000 words to describe the picture. I love your analogy. (I don't think I'm using the right word.)

o me it is an embroidered tapestry,
An engraved mahogany treasure

Hello! I am also very new to this site, and this is the first review I have done on here so forgive me if it is subpar or confused. As is typical, feel free to ignore anything you do not think is useful for your piece.

Initial thoughts:
Wow! Your imagery is really effective! I loved the descriptors you used, especially in stanza three. It's chock full of rich imagery that bleed with the writer's love of the craft. I especially liked "An engraved mahogany treasure chest spilling/
over with gold and jewels that glint in the sunlight" the bit of wordplay used with the line actually "spilling over" into the next was really clever. Overall, this poem is very passionate.

Strengths:
Once again, the use of imagery is delightful. This does not read like your second ever poem! Very well done! The ending is quite captivating as well.

Weaknesses:
Some of the line breaks could use work. The line "And for all their intelligence they're too stupid to see beyond the words on the page." could be split into two to match the flow of the rest of the piece. Think of line breaks as a way to frame the important parts of each sentence. Have you tried reading this poem out loud to yourself? It could help you suss out where the breaks can be most impactful.

Final Thoughts and Suggestions:
This is a well written poem for a beginner. In the 6th stanza, the line "However loud I scream through these words, through this paper," could be a neat spot to use some repetition regarding the description of the paper. "A white box./A closed door." can be flipped on its head and used with another meaning here, if you feel like that is something you want to do. Once again, feel free to disregard anything you do not think is applicable! you are a talented writer, and obviously know this poem better than anyone.

Thanks for trusting us to read your work!
-Silk