Young Writers Society

So, I'm assuming this is a therapy session of sorts, correct? I think that if this is one of those kinds of sessions, the therapist (Vicky) should talk slower. Because it feels like she's just dumping all this information on her patient in one large, rather overwhelming, sitting. She should explain it in fractions, allowing small breaks in between sentences so that the patient (Kelly) can show that she understands, and that Vicky can continue to explain. It's hard to take in all that information all right at the beginning.

I also feel that you should explain the surroundings a little bit more. Like, have Kelly look around at the room a little bit. To me, from this small snippet, she doesn't seem like the kind of person that'd just give her full attention to Vicky. That's just an assumption though.
Plus, having Kelly look around the room will also give the reader a good picture of where they're at and what the feel of the room is. Is it a cozy office that reminds Kelly of a cottage she used to visit in the summertime with family? A room that reminds her of her Father's study? (But maybe she despises her Father, so isn't fond of Vicky's office?)

I did like the description of Vicky's appearance, though. That's the kind of description I'm talking about. So far, the story seems really interesting. I've always been into stories like this; crazy people going through therapy. Heh.
I hope my suggestions and opinions are useful!

~Sylar

Hi Voodo! This is a great start to a novel, though the way you end it makes it feel more like a hook put on the back of a book. I like you character Kelly, though I'm not sure if it is a boy or girl yet. I also think the first speaker seems natural and lifelike. Your dialogue is also very natural.

But I think you could work on your grammar. You have a few run-on sentences in this, and you also have some problems with tense.

- Calli

Review:
Start shouldn't be capitalized in the first sentence. Cooperate is one word its not co-operate. Also, the only other thing was a tape recorder, not is a tape recorder. Also, it would be three not 3. Any number less than like twenty you should spell out. " A memory that would always stick with me and I liked it strongly." The last part confused me a little, maybe re-word it?
My Comments:
Okay, sorry if the above was hard to understand I don't really like this new YWS review format it makes it hard to review. Anywhooo...I liked this story but I think you should go back and re-read it. There are some little errors but nothing that should be too hard to fix. I can't wait to read what happens next!
~Hockeyfan87