What Are Pets For?
A soft pink glow slowly began to light the dark room, illuminating the furniture; a couch, bookcase, and piano. The bookshelf was overflowing with books of all sizes, from biographies to science fiction, all begging to be read. The top shelf, however, was dedicated solely to pictures. Dust-coated photos with dark brown frames filled it, so many that you had to move several to see the ones in the back. All of them showed the same group of people in different places; weddings, days at the beach, graduations, and many more. In all of them, one woman stayed off to the side, although she still participated with the others. However, there was one in the photos who looked completely out of place amidst all the fun; a furry, ginger cat, who was sitting on the armrest of the faded red couch at that very moment.
The cat opened his eyes slowly, the little light streaming through the thin curtains alerting him to the morning. He blinked repeatedly to get the sleep out, his pink nose twitching as he smelled his breakfast. His owner, who had always been an early riser, was laying out his meal before going on her morning jog. The cat jumped down from the armrest, landing silently, before trotting over to the kitchen door, slipping into the shadows of the door frame.
The woman in the kitchen looked up from the can of cat food in front of her, sensing a presence in the room. A small smile escaped her lips. The young cat, Felix, was always just out of sight, hiding from all the excitement. Felix looked up at his owner, fear in his eyes. Anne's smile faded slightly. Her brother had recently passed away, and left his cat in her possession. Never liking cuddling very much, she had just left the cat alone ever since he had moved in. Felix sensed Anne's coldness towards everyone, and wisely stayed away. Anne would never hurt him, but Felix didn't want to take any chances.
Anne placed the food down on the counter, then walked over to the door to pull her worn sneakers over her feet. Felix strode over to the counter and jumped up on it, keeping his eyes locked on his owner the entire time. Anne began to open the door, then paused, just as Felix took his first bite. Her brow furrowed, and she absentmindedly chewed on her lower lip. She walked over to her cat, her steps slow and indecisive. Her hand rose to the counter, pausing just before Felix's bowl.
Felix looked up at his owner, who had never shown any sign of affection towards him before. Somehow sensing how important this moment was, he abandoned his food and took a tentative step towards the woman's hand. His neck stretched out, and his nose touched soft flesh.
Anne pulled away, surprised at the contact. When Felix didn't flinch, she swallowed deeply and placed her hand on the cat's back. With trembling fingers, she rubbed the his back, with her eyes shut, her body rigid. A soft motor sound came from the cat's throat, and Anne paused briefly. When her cat didn't attempt to claw her, she continued her stroking. The motor sound grew louder, and Anne realized it for what it truly was; purring. A soft smile illuminated her face, filling out her usually hollow eyes.
"Thank you," she whispered softly, finally turning away from the cat and heading out the front door to begin her morning jog, feeling loved for the first time in many years.
And all Felix wished for at that moment was to be blessed with a human voice, because if he had one, he would have had only one thing to say.
'What are pets for?'
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
Jeez; I forgot all about this story! I feel old.
If you really want to give me reviews, anything from '08 is fine. Just please don't read my stuff from '07. I think I've improved a lot from then, and I'm not planning on editing these.
Thanks though!
~JFW1415
This was a very nice story. The only thing I didn't like was its length. Is there any way you could expound and tell us more? Is there any specific reason why Anne is so cold? Why has she never shown affection to Felix before? I realize this might be an older story but I'm reviewing it partly because I need more reviews and partly because I feel I need to since you gave me such thorough reviews. Sorry it's not longer but oh well. But all in all it's a great story that could only benefit from a little expounding.
Alright, anything after this post is for the revised version. PLEASE review and tell me what you think! I'll review yours if you do, just PM me.
Thanks!
OK, I just read this as "indicated solely to pictures" and didn't realize that there would be anything wrong with that, so I don't know how much you should trust this crit.
Spelling/grammar bolded.
This is just a personal opinion, but I hate the phrase "at that very moment". I also hate the word "both", ending a sentence with "however", and coffee. That is just me.
The cat opened his eyes slowly, the little light streaming through the thin curtains, alerting him to the morning.
I'd really rather you show the cat landing gracefully. It didn't make any noise, etc.
Woah, women? There are more than one?
I hate the name Jazz, too.
Show, I beg you.
Oh. You did. Get rid of "she had caused her cat to be so withdrawn".
The first sentence is kinda clunky. Also in the first sentence, "it's" isn't right. "It's" is a contraction for "it is". It's an exception to the apostrophe thing to show possession. "Its" means belonging to it. However, I think "his" is what should go here.
If you put the cat food on the counter, whatever, I've just never seen such a thing.
She put the food on the counter while walking to put on the sneakers? I think not. I think she put it down and then walked over. I think this is what Turkey Lexicon refers to as "Not Simultaneous"
You've already showed that she is arguing with herself; you don't need to say so.
"Jazz pulled away" will do.
Get rid of "with the fear that Felix might run away from her touch".
You are suffocating me with adverbs.
Aw. This is really sweet.
I think you balanced the sadness and the happiness really well. Good job!
Thanks! And this wasn't supposed to be a story, it's just a quick little scene, so I'm not going to expand it at all. I'm just trying to get back into the habbit of writing, so I do this.
But I'll try to go back and fix those parts you mentioned.
Hello
The start ere sounds a little cliche, the soft glow kind of thing...but I don't have any suggestions to change it, I'ma m bit rubbish today haha.
Im a little ocnfused here:
You said beofre that the pictures were from weddings and stuff, then you talk about the cat being in the pictures...was the cat at the wedding? or is a separate picture of the cat? Or is the cat in none of the pictures and just on the couch?
This was a sweet little story...but I'm not quite sure what the purpose was or such. I mean, you oculd have this as the beginning of a story if you adapt it, or if you just want to keep it as this I think you need to add more details and make the whole stroking of the cat a much bigger deal, maybe talk about why Felix doesn't like people more.
Hope this helped
All the best,
Meevs
x
Thanks! That's my biggest problem with grammar-apostrophes after an s. I'll go fix that, though.
Well, I liked it. It was a good read, and I think that your description is particularly good, especially the first paragraph.
Gramatically, the biggest problem is your apostrophe use. If you're saying "pet's," you're saying "pet is." Naturally, "what are pet is for?" makes no sense; you just want to say "pets."
The only other thing was the name Jazz. I'm assuming it's short for Jasmine, but I've just never been a fan of it. Jazz, to me, sounds more like a name for another cat than for a person, but that's just a personal preference.
This was good, though! I hope to see you around more.