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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Greetings! Welcome to YWS!
Maybe we'll see each other around.
So. This poem. I shall be painfully honest. It caught my attention - the title, I mean - and I'm glad to say that I wasn't disappointed. The sequence of the lines is something I found so interesting. It's rather quick; vague. A voice that repeats itself as it goes through a scientific like procedure. It circles in some sort of progress, progression and what I believe to be the doubts of a subject's thoughts.
There's a lot of questions that could be asked, like why did you come up with this? What brought your inspiration to write it? It's so different - always a good thing. I don't often questions like these, since this one really catches my interest and curiosity. While the flow is a bit jagged, the concept is really unique, something that I would often find in short stories. We're not really getting anywhere, but then again, it's all.. just a thought. Yes?
The presentation, while something that may need a different style to adapt to over time, was great. Grammar and spelling immaculate. It does confuses me, but really, I think that a follow-up poem to answer my questions on the nature of the poem would be cool. But the poem really does stick its theme as.. perhaps just a thought, I imagine. So my ramblings above may become useless in this sense. This was a really different poem though, so I hope to be able to see more writing. I see much promise, you could say. Looking forward to see more from you. Keep on writing! Hope this review/comment helps. Oh, and here, a warm welcome to you for joining YWS. WELCOME!
With sincere words,
~IRI
this is cool!
it's reads like some kind of an intellectual rambling that normal people are supposed to lose sequence of. i really like the point that we never get to know what the thought or the idea from it, or the question or the answer was. you pulled off a Kafkaesque really well. and i think i get the point. how one thing leads to another and then falls back n the same pattern it really great to see someone experiment like this.
keep on writing and wish to see more
Puck
and welcome to our humble YWS
Whoa this is super good! Amazing wording and just written super like..cool! i loved it, great job!(: