Published January 17, 2012
Remember what was said about the weather?
Two hundred years ago, ‘twas capricious.
Well that was just a metaphor for knowledge,
and all the things it hides, like a dream within a dream,
realisation will strike you twice more.
Once in the heart and once in the head, in years to come.
I’ll speak less in riddles now yet no more in rhyme,
do (you) remember the bullies, who were so ignorant
as to consider themselves friends?
The bullies bullied him and they laughed and they joked.
Yet he felt okay when the day was over.
But his capricious tongue from his capricious head
proved his descent into anarchy. (Or perhaps ascent).
And now once again the riddles return.
from whence the wise man came.
Ancient in head but not in heart,
'tis how the youthful feel,
with their foolish ways.
Whilst the weather man,
he may be mad,
but there is no genius without a dose of insanity.
And he is a wanderer and a hero,
one with no struggle or adversity.
Yet.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,265 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
I could have sworn I reviewed this ages ago... Apparently not. Oh well. I'm reviewing it now.
You and your weather. XD That said, I am rather fond of the motif myself.
I'm guessing this poem was written in response to everyone who didn't get the previous poems. While normally I like my metaphors to remain metaphorical, this fits the tone of the poem, and it flows rather well, so I didn't really mind the "reveal".
I am left wondering why there's a period at the end of the "realization" line. It struck me as being a bit unnecessary, and it results in the line after sort of floating off somewhere on its own.
"Bullies bullied" is quite a tongue-twister, in addition to being a bit redundant. I'd suggest rephrasing to "They bullied him..." and tweaking for flow accordingly.
And here, I'm wondering why the parenthetical is left standing off on its own, separated from the relevant sentence by a full stop. It just feels a bit abrupt and choppy to me with the period there.
And these lines just don't flow, in rather stark contrast to the rest of the poem. The first line feels too long, the third line feels off meter-wise, and the poor second line is sandwiched in the middle, trying to make the two flow, but not quite achieving the effect.
Overall though, this piece was fairly solid. I also liked how the centering of the piece gave it the rough shape of a top; it tied in nicely with the somewhat roundabout theme of this.