Young Writers Society

“That certainly worked out brilliantly,” I said sarcastically. We were standing behind the building, clutching our jackets around us to keep out the October cold. Charlie was still inside, facing her fate.

“Way to point out the obvious,” Sasha said, smiling at me.

“Banned from Grounds for two weeks,” Roz stated. “What the hell are we supposed to do?”

I leaned against the cold brick and let the crisp air blow my hair back. The drama inside had been enough to take my thoughts away from John for a minute, but now they were back. Sasha stood to one side of me with Roz on the other.

“Do you believe in fate?” I asked after the silence had made its full decent.

“Hmm?” Roz asked, turning so she was facing me.

“I mean, do you think that two people can be well and truly made for each other? And if they aren‘t right, is there some event that is supposed to send them to their true fate?”

Both of them stared out at the starry sky with concentrated expressions.

“I suppose I don’t believe in soul mates,” Sasha finally answered. “But I do believe in love.”

“I’m sure that it’s not a certain person that is supposed to be our soul mate, more like a certain type of person.” Roz answered.

“But if you think you’ve found that person, and you’re all wrong, does that mean it wasn’t real?”

“Of course not!” Sasha said.

“Why?” Roz asked.

I shrugged. “I just…wondered. That’s all.” They didn’t have the answers I was looking for. I ignored their eyes burning holes through me, begging for answers to a different question: was I really okay?

Charlie burst through the door smiling. She skipped down the stairs, whistling a tune and put her arms around me and Roz. “Girls, tonight we taste freedom!”

“What do mean?” Sasha asked sounding left out. I put my arm around her waist and her smile perked up.

“Did they fire you?” Roz asked, horrified at the injustice of it all.

“Yes!” Charlie said. “And now, we go off into the night!”

She let go of us and ran ahead, smiling and laughing like an escaped madwoman.

“This can’t be good,” I muttered as we jogged after her.

“Don’t stop me now…” Charlie sang from where she stood, swinging slowly around a signpost. “’Cuz I’m having a good time!”

Roz pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and started dialing. Sasha and I slowed to a walk.

“Are you really okay?” she asked, falling into step with me.

“Yeah,” I said, though it sounded weak, even to me.

“You’re lying,” she said.

“Am not,” I denied, though again it wasn’t convincing.

“Are too,” she said, putting one arm around me and placing her head on my shoulder. “Charlie, Roz and Me know these things. We can tell, and we want to help.”

“Charlie, Roz, and I,” I corrected.

I felt rather than saw Sasha roll her eyes. “You know what I meant. I’m not very good with sympathy, but you’re one of my best friends, and it kills me to see you this way.”

“What way?” I asked, adding a slightly bitter laugh. “Cast off?”

Sasha pulled back and frowned at me. “Give us some credit. We’re only trying to help. All we want is to see you happy, and yet it’s you that keeps casting us off. Just think about it.”

I should have been mad, but I wasn’t. I’d always trusted them to tell me the truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not.

She walked away and caught up with Charlie, who was leaning against the pole and crying now. She wrapped her up in a soothing hug, and I was jealous. I wanted somebody to hug me like that, and I wanted to have a day without worrying what others thought, but I always stopped halfway, and never allowed that last bit of me. And that’s when everything would go to hell.

Friendship, love, it’s all that same eternal feeling of flying so high that you’ll never feel pain or sadness again. But every flight has to end; nobody can stay up there forever. It wasn’t the flight that I was afraid of. It was the fall that each ensured.

Roz caught up with me and wrapped one arm around my waist. “Is she okay?” she asked, gesturing toward Charlie. I shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

“Let’s go check,” Roz pulled me up to the other two and wordlessly put her arms around them both. I stood on the outside with tears prickling at my eyes, and as much as I didn’t want to cry, I knew that if I did I would have comfort.

However much I wanted that comfort, and wanted to the warmth of my friends around me, I held back, never allowing myself to cross that invisible line, and for the life of me I had no idea why. They stayed hugging until Charlie’s tears subsided, and then they turned to me.

“Should we go?” I asked. I tried to keep the sobs locked inside, but with every cracked vowel I knew they heard. I could see it in their faces that they could hear my heart pounding as the deadly wings fluttered in colors I could only see as red. Red with blood, red with pain.

I could see that they wanted to help, so much that it hurt them as well. And I could see that the only thing holding them back was me.