saints fan

Hey, JBradford! Welcome to YWS. ^^ I think this is a quirky little poem; let me just point out some typos and suggestions I have to make it even better.

Oh, and before I forget-- Young Writers Society has a 2:1 ratio when it comes to posting your writing and reviewing the writing of others. That means, for everything you post (such as this poem) so should have at least two reviews completed for other people. Seeing as you don't, I'll just warn you that you need to get out there and review soon!

Punctuation and Capitalization

Alright, I personally think you need more punctuation and less capitalization. It's not necessary to capitalize each new line in a poem like this; in fact, I find it distracting. Even though poems are written in a different form, you can still follow the normal guidelines for sentences that you do in normal writing. that means that every sentence needs a period at the end, and sometimes there will be commas in the middle. Let me demonstrate.

They get my hopes up ever year
Then let me down, my worst fear
I think i'll leave the Saints along
Until a team worthy comes along

See how the first letter in every line is capitalized, and there's no punctuation? Here's how I'd rewrite it, love:

They get my hopes up every year,
then let me down; it's my worst fear.
I think I'll leave the Saints alone
'til a more worthy team comes along.

See the difference? It makes it easier on the readers' eyes, too, so that's a plus. ^^ If you need any help with punctuation, just check out the Knowledge Base!

So, moving on to all-around suggestion. My comments and corrections are in bold. ^_^

I have faith
And I belive 'belive' should be 'believe'
That the Saints
Will achieve
The goal that they've been shooting for
Even though it seem very far

So, you have a pretty steady AABBCCDD etc, etc, kind of rhyming scheme going on here. I think it would be best for you to remain completely consistant with this, which means that the two words I highlighted in red need to rhyme. Even thought 'for' and 'far' are only one letter apart, they don't rhyme! It throws off your rhyming scheme by having these two lines that stick out.

But for now i'm a die hard saints fan
Just give me one superbowl win, PLEASE MAN.

Alright, so. First of all, no all-caps. All-caps are intrinsically evil here on YWS, so avoid them like the plague!

Also, you need to remain consistent with your capitalization of Saints. Every other place you have the 's' capitalized, but here it's in lowercase. I'd recommend changing this one here to capitalization like all of the other ones in the poem. ^^

Overall

I think this is a quirky, cute little idea, even though the excecution could have been a bit better. Mainly I think you need to add punctuation and work on your rhymes (reciting the poem aloud always works for me) and you can figure out where you have an extra syllable or an off-rhyme thrown somewhere in the mix. Also! Make sure to proofread before posting next time, alright? That way, the reviewers on your wriitng can focus more on the poem than having to point out spelling typos and such.

Good luck, welcome to YWS, and PM me if you need anything!

~Evi

this is cute! :] the saints ought to see this and save you a free seat! you're one dedicated fan alright!

anyway, it's kind of too short for me and you might want to separate them into stanzas, but i find it quite appealing already. :]

one more prob:

I think i'll leave the Saints along

Until a team worthy comes along

you shouldn't have used "along" twice, and it doesn't really make sense in the first line..
maybe change it to "alone" instead? although, it wouldn't rhyme anymore...