Your opinion is more important,
because your voice is louder than mine.
Yours is the approval that counts.
Your ideas are better,
because yours are the lips that carried them.
Your example is to be followed,
it’s the only one that’s right.
Your prejudices should be fact,
because you have more friends than me.
You should be admired, revered even,
because your waist is tinier than mine.
You’re clearly a better person than me,
because your skirt is two inches shorter.
You are how we all should be,
Because you said so,
And they listened.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi, Izzy. One thing that I really appreciated about this poem was how you delivered it as if it were straightforward, when it's really not and its purpose is to make the reader doubt you. I love that technique, so when you edit it, keep it that way.
I do agree with Silented, however ,that your repetition was not used to its full potential. I think that the large chunk of words you repeat causes readers to skip over the repeated sections, departing from your poem for a while to look for the next meaningful part. This becomes a problem when they stop looking for the next part. To keep the reader fully engaged, I would suggest attacking this a different way.
It seems impossible to do, right? Because the message is the same about everything, but you can focus on things other than possessions, maybe! I liked the part about prejudices, because it seemed to vary from the repetition, so try something like that. Maybe the narrator could say 'Whenever you humiliate someone, I can see their faults and wonder why I didn't see them first' (of course, make it smoother).
:3 Let me know if you have any questions, okay?
-Hannah-
Only thing I have to say is don't be so repetitive. It's a bit boring but I really like your ideas and things. So yeah.