In the bubble it’s always calm
Silent waves pulse across its translucent skin
Gentle tremors in a mill pond.
It’s warm, and safe
Though the walls are millimetres thick
They are strong as steel.
Its continuous face flexes and ripples
As I move.
Time is a concept of irrelevance.
Moments are measured in the changing of mood.
A moment can last for days, weeks, months.
It exists in a state of extreme pressure
Like the bottom of an endless ocean.
And when it reaches the surface it breaks the waves with
A release of tension.
The bubble popped silently and suddenly
So quietly that I often forget it ever existed.
But it’s there in my peripheral sight
Hovering at the edge of my vision
Waiting to envelope me once more.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
That was actually really, really beautiful.
My favorite segment <3Probably one of my favorites on this site.
Please keep writing!
Chynel.
"Envelope" with the "e" is the thing you put letters into. Meanwhile, lonely "envelop" without the "e" is always looking for someone/something to enclose in a hug.
Silly, but that's how I remember the difference.
I must say though, I really liked this poem. Though the second stanza seemed separate from the first at first, it still flowed very well idea-wise, and you did a great job of uniting everything in the poem in the third stanza.
I do think that the punctuation could use a bit of refining. While I liked the sparseness of the punctuation in this, it felt a bit off in places, missing in some areas while being too present in others. In addition, I felt that a couple of lines, in the first stanza especially, were a touch too wordy. See if you can pare the language down a bit more, especially in the first stanza; as that's the first thing your readers see, making a marvelous impression is quite important. In particular, I felt that there was an overabundance of the pronoun "it". See if you can work the first stanza so that using "it" so often is no longer necessary. Playing around with the punctuation may help.
But yes. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem.
I don't read/write poetry, but this caught my attention. I liked how you described just how fragile the bubble is