Published September 27, 2011
If the lyrics are to be believed,
The blooming sentiments of popular culture,
Then we're dancing through life on a cushion of empathy,
Growing to the rhythm of love.
"Love thy neighbour" pounds through hifi speakers,
The bass turned up to form a foundation of good will,
We're flying without wings.
But the soaring contraptions that elevate us
Are the figments of imaginations long extinguished,
Reality bites and scratches with its logical talons.
Your neighbour is your competition
That's how our blueprints see it,
The flow of good will hits a mirror before it reaches another
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
HI there! The poem is a good one but I would have to agree with Tayla. I couldn't quite get the theme of the poem. Despite that, The imagery is detailed and the word choices are nicely chosen. I do think you could have put more verses for the reader to better understand the poem. When I read it, I felt there should be more going on. It just felt low. All in all, It was a good poem and with more work on it, it would surely turn out great!
Honestly, this was a little confusing to me. It may just be my simple brain, but I didn't really get what it was supposed to be about. What point was the poem trying to make? Anyway, since I didn't really get what was going on, I don't know how well I can critique it.
I do really like your imagery here, I just didn't understand what it was all about. The description and imagery was just great, though
~Tayla
The title stood out to me and so did the poem itself. Rhythm was shown in the poem so it really fits the title. I was drawn in by your words and everything was well described. I could see it in my mind which made this poem ten times better even though I don't think a simple poem like this one could get any better. I really did like it, I did however, have to read it a few times to fully understand the motif of the poem. However, it was a job well done and there was nothing out of place.