Hello everybody, my name is Izumi and I have written for a while. I just started here so if I do something wrong please correct me. Thanks!
Wind
Chapter 1
“Welcome aboard The Sailing Dragoon,” yelled a voice over the crowds of people standing on the deck the ship. Mikio Ryuichi squished himself through the crowds of elvan travelers trying to reach the front so he could hear what was being said. “Today you will be traveling to the new land of Kulex. The journey over seas will take about three months to complete and there will be no violence allowed on this ship. Unless you will be thrown off overboard of course,” said one of the guards on the skiff, “Now, may I ask you all to retreat to your cabins below. The number should be corresponding with the one on your card.” Mikio slipped off his backpack and pulled out a small wooden plaque with a seven engraved in it. He placed it back in his sack, and followed the crowd down into the hull of the ship.
Mikio was a young forest elf by the age of fifteen. His long but spiky brown hair and his slender body gave him attention back at his old town. He trained with his father at sword fighting most of his life mostly because his father dreamed of him being a royal guard of the princess, Yuuka. But Mikio had other plans. He dreamed of leaving his home village and setting off on an adventure into the unknown. Days passed as he became more eager, until finally a mysterious note appeared on his desk one day. Weeks passed as he kept getting more and more notes. Finally, one of them asked him to leave his town and journey to the newly discovered world. In the middle of a warm summer night, Mikio ran from his home to go to the Elgor port. From there, he found a ship that could take him to Kulex.
As he reached his cabin, Mikio opened a door to encounter a beautiful room decorated with carvings in the walls and along the bed posts. He walked inside and felt a soft touch to his feet. Under him, laid a carpet made from the richest of furs, Woolobear fur. He set down his things and noticed a letter on the desk. He walked over to it and picked it up. It stated,
“Dear Mikio, I hope you like your room. I know you don’t know who I am yet but you will know by the once you arrive. On the bed there should be a smallish box. It a gift that will come in handy once you have met me. Hopefully you will like it. Once again, enjoy your stay! I will be waiting for your arrival.”
Slowly and carefully Mikio folded up the note and placed it back on the table. He looked at the bed, and sure enough, there was a box. It was long and thin and wrapped in grass blades that held it together. He removed the grass and opened the wood shell to find a dagger. Its blade glowed even without any light in the room. He lifted it out of the box and held the Oak wood handle that fit perfectly into his hand. The blade had jagged edges and was wrapped to the handle by the vine of the Lolic Tree. At the tip of the handle swayed about a foot of leftover vine with a leaf connected at the end. He swung the blade a few times making sure not to hit anything, and put it back in its case. As he closed the lid, he noticed an engraving on it. He closely read the picture and made out that it was some sort of symbol. The only part he recognized was a tree.
Mikio stood up and suddenly felt tired. He picked up the dagger and set it on his desk. Slowly he climbed under his wool covers and let his eyes close for the night.
sorry for making it so short. I just wanted to get the first chapter up. And I think someone should rate this 12+ because its going to get a lot worse in my next chapters if I post them
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good work, I like it here.
More focused on writing in comparison to War Stories forums eh
Hey natalie. Sorry, but I decided not to continue this. I'm actually working on a romance being helped by my 17 year old friend RainWanderer. It will definitely be more in detail so if you want to read that, it would be my pleasure.
Cheers, Izumi Ryuichi
Hi, I really enjoyed this first chapter especially the introduction. The plot was interesting and made me want to read on but it would be even better if you described the scene through you characters senses and so you could also include his opinions and emotions , like you have in the introduction.Looking forward to reading some more
Nat
Thank you guys for your help. I will make sure to improve on the next chapters
Hey Izumi! Welcome to YWS! I'm here to review your work!
I noticed quite a few grammatical mistakes though...so here we go. (And I've been called a harsh critiquer before, so please don't be alarmed by all the colors below. 
)
I think you've got a good start to your story. I'd keep reading more to see where the story goes if this was a book at the store.
Okay, so there's a lot of telling, not showing. Also, I'd like to know what Mikio is thinking and feeling throughout the whole scene; it makes the reader become more immersed and attached to the character when you do that, and that's what you want. It'll make it harder for the reader to put the book down if they're really invested or curious or intrigued by what's going on.
Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more.
Izumi I really liked this story. It drew me in wanting to know what would happen next. Only a couple of critiques.
Smallish isn't a word I would use, I would just say a small box. And those last two sentences I would combine to just one by using the word and. Other than that great job!