Chapter One
Hadyn-
I'm helpless as my tears turn the dirt into mud. Pain is out to get me, but I know I must fight it. Something's holding me back. Unfamiliar emotions churn through my stomach, rushing to escape. The anxiety urges me to let go of whatever's in my stomach. I turn around to see what's coming for me. I'm greeted by silence in the strange world around me. I move at an incomprehensible speed through the forest. I trip over a root and before I can react a black vapor comes to engulf me.
I woke up in my room , trying to catch my breath.
"Wake up Hadyn it's time for school."
I rushed downstairs fo the sound of Blake's voice. He moved in a couple of years ago after times got a little tough. My father died three months ago of a mysterious illness, and Blake was having trouble paying his rent. He moved in the day after my father's death. For some reason he still carried the heavy scent of citrus.
I stared hungrily at the eggs and fruit waiting for me on the table. I stared at the wall behind my uncle as I ate. My dream still haunted me. It wasn't really a dream as much as it was a recurring nightmare. And as much as I wanted it to be just that, something deep inside me told me it was more. The dream seemed so real, as if I could capture the black vapor that would always consume me in the end.
"How did you sleep," my mother asked me.
I ignored her question and continued shoveling food in my mouth. She would ask me the same question every morning, but lately I've been resenting it.
"I slept well," I lied.
I ate the rest of my breakfast in silence. It was the last day of school before summer break, and every year mother would try to convince me into going on an exoctic vacation somewhere outside of Kansas. You see, while I wasn't born in Kanas I've been here for as long as I could remember. No matter how much my mom urged me, I had no desire to leave. I continued staring at the wall behind Blake, trying to ignore the way he had been staring at me for the last five minutes. I knew that look, it was the same look he gave me when I discovered the truth behind who I really am.
His violet eyes reflected the light streaming in as well as any mirrior would. He walked over to me, holding his cup of coffee tightly. Before he got the time to say anything I finished my breakfast and headed out the door to school.
I brushed my straight, red hair as I walked to school. I had been told many times before that I should cut my waist-length hair, but I could never bring myself to do it. My mom often told me that this kind of weather was not kind to those with long hair, and that I would look really good with a bob cut. Sadly, I learned in seventh grade not to take my mom's fashion advice when she said suspenders would help me impress my first crush.
I put my sunglasses on in an attempt to ignore the sun beating down on me. I listened to the click-clack of my heels against the pavement as I walked to school. The air around me smelled of cigarettes and freshly made bread, due to the bakery down the street to my house. In a small town like mine, that was considered the new teen hot spot. Though it wasn't really new, it's been more than 17 years since it was built. It was around before I was born.
I was greeted by multiple people as I entered the school building. It was a rusty old place, only one floor and you could hardly call it big. They were currently trying to fix up half of the school, so now I would have to sit in a class of 20 other people. The cafeteria consist of 25, cramped, circular tables. I pushed through the crowd of people waiting to speak to me and made my way to english class.
The english classroom was the first classroom that was fixed up, so it was easy fo say it was pretty neat. While it really wasn't any thing to look at, it was in really good shape. There were wooden floors, and there were a lot of windows that lit up the room. All the desks were lined up, and the teacher's desk was front and center. I sat down at my usual seat in the middle row.
There were five rows of desks, and each one was reserved for a certain group. The first row, closest to the teacher, was reserved for teachers pets. The second row was for varsity members, and the third row was for the most popular people at Liberty High. That was where I sat. The fourth row was for "troubled" teens. Most of them made a hobby out of graffiti, and have almost been arrested many times.
Finally the last row was for what we labled as freaks. Although most of them weren't freaks, but it was really the only way to specify them.
"Hello class," I looked up as Ms. Reed as she walked into the room.
The class barely acknowledged her as she sat down at her desk. I laid back in boredom as her lesson went by. I probably would have fallen to sleep if it hadn't been for my friend, Ellen Brown.
"Psst, Hadyn."
I looked to the side of me and was greeted by white blond hair, with a pair of perfect blue eyes to match. Trust me, she wasn't a natural blond. I learned that when she once came to school with half of her hair brown. It was split straight down the middle. To this day I still had no idea how that happened.
"What Ellen?"
She looked straight towards me. Before I had time to say anything, her eyes darkened to the darkest shade of black. Her face glossed over and was void of all expression. Her body began shaking and her skin turned into the sickest shade of white. Her hair fell in front of her face and she began sweating.
"Are you okay, " I asked.
My heart began to race, and I began breathing heavily. I couldn't move and I began to go numb. I was faintly aware of Ms. Reed shouting my name before the world around me went black. All I could see was Emma and myself.
"Help," I shouted at the top of my lungs.
I turned around and ran. I needed to find a way out. I needed to find a way back to my uncle, he could tell me what was going on. No matter how far I ran, I couldn't find my way out of this endless, dark room. Somewhere behind me I heard a girl laugh. I knew all too well that this wasn't Ellen's voice. This voice was beautiful, and nearly enchanting. As soon as I heard it I was incluenced to turn around to see what beautiful disaster was waiting for me.
Before I had time to react, I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. Her touch sent shivers down my spine and made my heart beat just a little faster. I had no idea what was behind behind me, but my lip quivered thinking about it. Her nicely manicured nails dug into my shoulder and slowly turned me around. The anticipation of waiting to see her was slowly killing me.
I gasped when I saw what she was. I was expecting to see the same monster who had been haunting my dreams, but sadly that's not what I got. What I got took my breath away. She was truly beautiful. Her light, blond hair went all the way down her back, with loose curls framing her head in just the right way. She was wearing a navy blue gown, with a slit in the side that showed her leg. She wore matching heels that complemented her pale skin perfectly. She was smiling directly at me with perfect white teeth and dark red lipstick. She finally lifted her hand off my shoulder, giving me a bit of comfort.
Her eyes were an unatural shade of light blue with a hint of violet outlining it. Starting at the pupils, a shade of black was slowly consuming her whole eyeball. I opened my mouth but all the air was sucked out of my lungs. I shed a single tear, and to my horror, turned into a black vapor before it hit the ground. I looked up in a state of terror as I realized who she was. I began to see black spots and I tumbled backwards in an attempt to get away as fast as I could. She looked down as she towered over me.
Any sembelence of peace left me as my body began to shake and I began sweat. I heard a growl somewhere as she pulled me to look her face to face.
"Darkness is an endless abyss."
The last thing I heard was a scream before I could see no more.
I woke up in the school infirmary. I looked around to find the room empty of all people exceptthe nurse. She was calling my mother to tell her to pick me up. She hung up the phone and turned around, shocked to find me awake. When I tried to get up, my own body forced me back down with an ache. The nurse immedietly ran to my side.
"Oh my gosh, you're awake," the nurse said.
"Do you remember what happened before you passed out."
I shook my head no, even though I remembered clearly what happend. The image of that girl still remained vividly clear in my head.
" Well it seems like you have an incredibly high fever, you started sweating and shaking. I advice you stay in your bed for a while."
While she explained everything that happend, I kept replaying what had happened. I've only ever seen eyes like that before once. On me Recently I noticed that I was gaining a slight tint of blue on the outer part of my eye. It started a couple of months ago. God, how many times did I need to change eye color.
My thoughts were interrupted when my uncle came rushing into the room. My mom was probably still at work. Blake worked more at home than he did outside, he always said that nothing out there really suited him. Luckily, he was really good at guessing which stock markets would crash and which wouldn't.
"Are you okay," Blake said as he hugged me a little too tightly.
I let out a small groan and he released me, laying me back down onto the bed. His eyes looked concerned and worried, but he looked like he wanted to tell me something out.
"Do you think you're good enough to walk to the car," Blake asked as gently helped me get to my feet.
The action made me dizzy and the room began to spin. I held onto Blake tightly in an attempt to regain some sembelence of balance. He must have noticed my strugle because he said something the nurse that I couldn't understand. Before I knew it I was in the backseat of Blake's car. I watched as the world flew by outside the window. I focused on everything outside rather than the sickness I felt grabbing hold of me. I could hear Blake speaking, but everything was incomprehensible. I felt as if I was under water, and my vision suddenly went blurry. How often would this happen to me? I could feel my self being elevated from the ground before I willingly fell asleep.
I woke up in my own bed in my room, awoken by the sound of Judy Garland's voice. I was wrapped up in my familiar comfortor, and the TV in my room was playing the Wizard of Oz. I realized that I was no longer sweating, and I could finally see clearly. I looked out the window, suprised to find that it was already night. It felt like it had only been minutes.
As soon as I got up my mother came rushing into my room, appalled to find me standing up. She was just as suprised as I was to find out that I no longer had a fever. She embraced me into a tight hug just as Blake did when he found me at school. Luckily, she wasn't as strong as Blake.
"It looks like your fever is completly gone," mom said as she placed the back of her hand to my forehead.
"Mom, can I please talk to Bl- Uncle."
My mom always perfered it when I called Blake my uncle rather than adress him by his name. I never called him uncle though, not even when I was a baby. I've just always known him by Blake. It wasn't my fault though. He always called himself Blake in front of me, ever since I was born.
My mother's face instantly fell. I often longed to tell her about the reason Blake and I shared such a strong bond, but I never dared bring up the topic of magic with my mom or Blake. I made my decision years ago that I wanted no part in any part of magic.
"I'll go get your uncle," mother said as she walked out of the door.
I laid back down and listened to the movie while waiting for Blake. I don't know why but ever since I got over my fear of the wicked witch, it's been one of my favorite movies. It just reached the part where Dorthy found the scarecrow when Blake came walking in. I took a deep breath, preparing for what might come.
"Blake, I need to talk to you about something."
He sat down next to me on my bed, concern written plainly across his face. I knew he cared about me, but sometimes he seemed focused on other things when I needed his mind right here. I never knew what to expect with him around, but I knew that right now I would not tolerate his thoughts being anywhere except on me.
"Blake, I need to tell you what really happened earlier today."
I explained everything that happened with such detail, given it was still clear and vivid in my head. I watched him go through different emotions while he stared at me without saying a word. By the end of the conversation, he genuinly seemed thrilled. I noticed something else there too, something I couldn't quit explain.
"Now Blake I told you I didn't want any part in whatever world you live in, but I need an answer."
He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything I heard my mother call him downstairs. He got up and began walking away, but not before he told me one last thing.
"You'll figure all of this out in time." Before I got to say any he slammed the door to my room.
I wanted to protest against him leaving me in a time like this, but I was so tired I didn't think I had the energy. I finally let myself relax and I laid back on my pillows, happy to find some normalcy. I knew I shouldn't have been tired given how long I've been asleep, but before I knew it I was falling asleep to the sound of the wicked witch's voice.
My nightmares had returned. I was back in the same dark room I had been in earlier today. I looked around, searching for the same girl who was here earlier. I finally found her in the corner. The minute I laid my eyes on her, the scene changed.
Now I was in a ballroom with perfect marble floors, polished to perfection. The ceilings were too high to count in feet. The chandeliers that were hanging from the ceilings illuminated the room in a yellow light. Around me everyone was dancing, men wearing tuxedoes and the women wearing long, beautiful gowns. I looked down, suprised to see in myself in a beautiful, red gown with freshly combed hair to match.
Before I could do any thing but stare at my reflection, I was swept away on the dance floor. I was passed from man to man before I landed into the arms of the last person I expected to be there. Blake moved across the dance floor as quickly as ever. He looked at me with no recoginizion, and he looked younger than he ever had in years. The graying parts of his hair were no black again, and he now had a wrinkle free face.
I only got a glimpse of him before another man carried me across the dance floor. Even while I was dancing, my eyes never lost sight of Blake. He smiled to every girl he met, and I couldn't help but notice the way they smiled back at him. It was a look that made me want to puke.
Just as I was about to step off the dance floor, to my horror I saw the same woman who had engraved her image into my mind as a nightmare. She was wearing the same blue dress, but this time her eyes had lost the voilet, and were just black. It wasn't the kind of black that you might see every day, this black consumed her entire eye. Everyone around me acted as if it were normal, and when I looked I saw that she was not the only one.
I watched as Blake and the woman partnered up. I found a way to escape the maze of people to watch Blake from a better view. I focused really hard, and I could eventually spot Blake among the crowd. I watched as their eyes first met, and for once Blake didn't say "hello", or "nice to meet you. He just stared into her eyes, not saying a word. I strained my ears and I could just barely make out their conversation.
"Hello, my name is Crystal Tinebris," the woman said.
"I'm Blake," Blake said holding out his hand.
I watched as they danced around, ignoring when they were supposed to switch partners. I finally sat down at one of the chairs that were laid out. I wasn't suprised when multiple people asked me to dance, but I declined all their offers to watch Blake. I would have interferred earlier if Blake had recognized me, but now I knew that it would not be the best idea.
I stayed there for what felt like hours. I looked at the clock, suprised to find it had only been minutes. They were still dancing, but were finally forced to stop when the music went off. I looked up at the clock one last time before it striked twelve and the scene changed again.
I was in a forest. I looked around and found Crystal. She was running through the forest, fear written plainly on her face. I could hear people following her, maybe a whole army of them. But when I looked behind her, all I saw was Blake. He was staring after her, but he wasn't moving. My heart broke at standing there looking at him, sorrow obviously consuming him. I watched and he stretched his hand out to her, but he ran the other way instead.
I soon saw who was chasing Crystal. It was the council, a group of people who kept the world of magic in order. Despite the fact that what they did was good, I despised them very much. I didn't know why they were chasing her, but I got the feeling that it wasn't good. The council chased her all the way to the ocean, but to my horror it didn't stop there. Crystal ran into the water, but she didn't come back up. The council was forced to stop there chase and eventually turned around. I only saw a wisp of golden hair before the scene changed again.
Crystal was with another man, but it wasn't Blake. This man seemed normal, I could sense that there was nothing magical about him. Crystal held a baby in her arms, another toddler was staring at the child while he held his father's hand. The toddler had curly hair like his father, but golden hair just as his mother. He stared so intently at the baby, it was hard to believe his age.
The baby in her arms looked just like Crystal. Wisps of light blond hair curled around her head. She had bright blue eyes that looked at her mother as she was slowly rocked to sleep. As she was rocked to sleep, the water around her seemed to rock with her. I watched as Crystal looked at her pride, her black eyes rimming with tears. I could have sworn I heard the baby growl in her sleep before I woke up.
I woke up screaming. My mother came rushing in, terrified that something might have happened to me. She hugged me tightly when she found the tears that were rushing down my face by now. I tried to calm myself down, but the tears kept coming.
"I'm okay mom, it was just a bad dream," I said, even though I was the one who really needed to be reassured.
I stayed in my mother's arms for possibly fifteen minutes before I regained control of myself. I heard my breathing return back to normal, and my mom could finally let go me. I quietly thanked my mom for being there, even though I knew I would never tell her what my dreams were about. I knew I couldn't just ignore them anymore, but these were more than nightmares. These seemed too real.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
I let out a small breath and closed my eyes. I nodded because I didn't trust myself to speak, not now or any time soon. I was quite happy than Blake was a heavier sleeper than my mom. I didn't want to hear whatever he had to say, even if it was important. This kind of torture wasn't worth it.
Once my mother was finally convinced that I was well enough to sleep again, she finally left me alone. I knew I couldn't go back to sleep, the dreams would only come back to haunt me. My sleep was being robbed from me, and I knew I was going to find someone to blame. I always did that, even if it didn't make sense.
I got out of bed as quietly as I could. I slid on some baggy pants and a sweatshirt, grabbed the keys and went outside. I could only hope that I was not missed. I would never hear the end of it if I did, and my mother's punishments were not kind. Not in a time like this. As soon as I walked out I was greeted by a warm breeze. I welcomed it as it flew my hair back, exposing the skin on the back of my neck.
I continued walking through the night. I wasn't very fond of being out when the sun was not around, it always gave me the shivers. I felt drained of everything, as if the sun gave me life. The more I walked, the worst I felt. I started to regret my decision of walking after I had just recovered from a fever. I didn't know exactly where I was going, but I knew I needed to be somewhere. I felt as if something was calling me . I had never been told where I was born, only that it wasn't here. My mother said she moved for a new start, but I couldn't help but wonder what it was like.
The more I walked, the heavier I felt. After a couple of blocks I could barely lift my feet off the floor. I kept replaying what had happened in my head, as I had done many times before. I couldn't believe I had seen Blake. He looked so different, wrinkle free and a head full of black hair instead of gray.
I could feel myself getting sicker and sicker. My head started to spin and more images flashed through my head. Crystal, baby, an infant, and Blake. My frustration got the better of me.
I could feel something surge through my veins, causing me to jump forward. The sensation was familiar, like a bittersweet memory just dying to be spoken on my lips. It started as a comforting heat, but turned into a searing fire, begging to be released. My mind was telling me no, telling me that my father wouldn't want this, but my heart told me yes. It told me that this is what Blake wanted. That one thought set me free before I even knew what happened.
The night around me lit up. I felt a relief wash over me, dimming all of my senses. All I was aware of was the fire dancing across my hands and arms. Embers flew to my face, warming me into an unforgettable bliss. I smiled and laughed in a way I hadn't done since my father died.
The fire melted that thin layer of ice that I had unknowingly covered my heart in. I was violently snapped back to earth when I heard someone gasp behind me. I turned around, expectin to see someone. All I found was an empty street and a bottle of blond hair dye.
Ellen was here, and she saw me using magic.
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I was truly drawn into this story. The first paragraph was wonderfully descriptive and quite gripping for an opener. I think your words flow nicely and there are several sentences that really stood out for me, particularly the third last paragraph. (I liked the bit about the mother’s fashion advice too, it made me chuckle).

'Any sembelence of peace left me as my body began to shake and I began to sweat' - this line was good but I think it’s spelt semblance.
It's an interesting storyline and I hope you continue as I’d love to read more!
I too was hooked reading this, I loved the characters. The possibilities of what you could do next are almost endless, I'm genuinely excited to read more!

Of course there were a few things, but they've been mentioned below so I won't repeat them! Overall it was good, thanks for sharing!
Thanks for the review
Hi decided to give you a review since you gave me one.
I'm hooked from to start to finish was excited to see what's going to happen.
I did get a little confused at first during the classroom when she passed out. She was in the classroom then all of a sudden in a different world.other than that I'm very curious to find out more about this other world. I only caught a few grammar mistake that everybody else has already mention. I'm excited to see where this goes and what answers will be revealed.
Keep writing and above all have fun doing it.
Hi! I like it! So far, it seams pretty creative! But I do have some minor nitpicks.
One thing, in the sentence:
"You see, while I wasn't born in Kanas I've been here for as long as I could remember"
there needs to be a comma after Kansas. Oh, and you spelled Kansas wrong.
The classroom scene was quite confusing, I think that could be cleaned up a bit.
The part where she used magic was also unclear. I wasn't quite sure what was going on, or how she was using magic.
There were a few gramatical errors, but other than that, I really liked the chapter! Can't wait to read more!
~SB~
Ok, first things first:
Grammar:
Found a few mistakes upon glancing through this.
"I woke up in my room , trying to catch my breath"- Spacing issue between room and comma
"The dream seemed so real, as if I could capture the black vapor that would always consume me in the end."
Should be consumed.
"How did you sleep," my mother asked me.
Add in question mark
"The cafeteria consist of 25, cramped, circular tables. I pushed through the crowd of people waiting to speak to me and made my way to english class>"
Should be consisted.
"As soon as I heard it I was incluenced to turn around to see what beautiful disaster was waiting for me."
What word is that supposed to be? Influenced maybe?
Misspelled resemblence.
"The fire melted that thin layer of ice that I had unknowingly covered my heart in. I was violently snapped back to earth when I heard someone gasp behind me. I turned around, expectin to see someone. All I found was an empty street and a bottle of blond hair dye"
Should be expecting or expectin'
There are other grammatical mistakes as well, however I would recommend pasting this into Microsoft Word or another similar program as it helps alot with pointing out spelling mistakes.
Diction/Style:
Overall, I feel you could have shown more rather than tell. Also, I feel the vocabulary could be improved a little more unless your target audience is that of an elementary schooler, in which case this was fine. However, if you are aiming at high school/middle school, I would recommend using a thesaurus. Those things can be your best friend while writing. I know I rely on mine pretty heavily. Also another thing Microsoft Word is good for. If you right click the word, it will give you synonym options. Also change some of the dialogue, as some seems a little unrealistic
Content:
I feel that you could be possibly on to something. I'd like to see more of the plot unfold. Good luck and keep writing!
~Kay
Hey there! I've read your chapter and here's my review:


This is a very well written chapter, I must say. The story line(even though I haven't figured it out yet) looks very promising. You dont find many stories about magic these days. That doesnt mean there aren't any. Its just that people are more interested in reading stories of angels, vampires and werewolves. So this is definitely a breath of fresh air. I like the style of writing. Your description is pretty good, albeit a bit long.
Coming to the title, I havent figured out how the title relates to the story, I'm hoping it will be explained later on?
I also noticed that you havent punctuated certain bits of the conversations.
"Do you remember what happened before you passed out."- You've forgotten the question mark at the end of the sentence. A few more sentences too, you've forgotten to punctuate.
And I didnt quite understand the classroom scene very well. What exactly happened?
Other than that, I didnt have any problems with the chapter. I'm really excited to see the nest one!!!
You did a brilliant job, I love the theme.
Keep up the good work! Waiting for the next one!!
- Divz
Thanks for the review. All of your questions will eventually be answered in the other chapters.