Published December 31, 2010
None do ever see
The tears of a willow tree
Who hides her pain
Behind her maine
Of vines, submissively.
They say young willows often grow
Where musical notes of rivers flow
And such assumptions
Provoke presumptions
That the song comes before the show.
Alas, the truth is veiled
Precision ultimately failed;
That water boasts
Tis root of growth
Is purely a mythical tale.
For rivers comprize the tears
Built up after many years
Of the friend
Found at its bend:
The weeping tree no one hears.
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139,012 Literary Works • 672,397 Reviews
Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone! They really mean a lot to me, as do the welcomings.
In response to the prvious comment implying the rhyming of "veiled" and "failed" seemed strained or whatever, I definitely do see where you're coming from. However, I disagree that changing the words would really enhance the poem all that much---I wasn't aiming for perfect rhyme scheme in this poem. I was more or less trying to get the words to tell the story smoothly and musically. All the same, thanks for your input, TheWalkinDude.
Great Poem, i loved the way that you wrote this having each word flow into the next. The one thing to change is not to use big words in such a flowing poem at times longer word are but for this put more words that are shorter.
Howdy and welcome!
Nice poem. I love the whole aspect of nature in this. It makes it more appealing and gentle, uplifting and nice to read. My only concern was:
It seems you are trying a little too hard to rhyme here. "Veiled" and "Failed" just don't seem to rhyme all to well to me. I mean, the endings rhyme, but I still think it could maybe be changed to further match the rest of the scheme.
Hello there and welcome to YWS!
This was my favourite stanza. The 'submissively' was a nice touch.Mine is a short comment. I really liked the consistent rhyming you had through out this poem. Sometimes poems tend to have a forced rhyming, but yours was genuinely good.
Keep writing and good luck!
~Happy New Year
I liked this. Of course, I'm a little biased because of how much I love all things nature-oriented. Still, I understood the imagery and you did a good job with metaphor that gave it a lot of depth. One thing: the misspelling of "mane." But really, other than that, I don't have any complaints.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Wow, this is good. It has so much feeling in it, and the diction is great! I like the imagery too.
Also, I like how the stanzas flow, and the rhymes are not stressed like other poems, which is one of my Poem Pet Peeves (gosh, if it doesn't sound real, don't rhyme!!!!!) Uh, anyways *cough* I am not much for dreary poems, but at least yours does not talk about death, and the subject is an interesting one.
This is my favorite stanza, especially the "mane" part; just misspelled "mane" as in horse mane for main as in "main idea".
That's about it.
Very nice!